Saturday, June 21, 2008

Conversation From the Backseat

Lately, I’ve been cracking up at some of the things that I hear my kids talking about when we’re driving down the road. I thought I’d just tell you a few conversations that I overheard this week.
background: There’s a commercial on the radio for some medication. As we listen to the typical "possible side effects may include but are not limited to... headaches, constipation, priapism....women who are pregnant or who may become pregnant should not use this medication...."
Lane says, "Women who may become pregnant? Why don’t they just say women can’t use this medicine since women can get pregnant?"
Tatton says, "Cause it’s still okay for some women to take it."
Lane, "Not if they’ve gone through puberty, Dude. Well... I guess if they went through menopause..."
Tatton, "Un-uh!! Haven’t you ever heard of a geriatric pregnancy?"
Lane, "What the heck is geriatric, Dude?"
Tatton, "You know, like old people and stuff."
Lane, "Old people don’t have babies, man!"
Tatton, "but they’re allowed to. They can adopt."
Lane, "That doesn’t mean they can’t take this medicine, stupid!"
I had a really hard time keeping quiet. Who knew my kids knew so much? Or even cared enough about the subject to discuss it? LOL

Then, of course, there was the debate on child labor. We were driving to the dollar store when I was informed:
Tatton: "You know, it’s kinda evil that you shop here."
Lane: "Shut Up! It is not! Evil is like killing people and stuff."
Tatton: "Well, it’s impossible to buy stuff that cheap without ripping someone else off."
Lane: "The store would make the price higher if they couldn’t afford it. Lots of people shop there so they make lots of money."
Tatton: "Not the store! Don’t you know there are kids our age making this stuff for like less than the price of a candy bar a month!"
Lane: "Prove it."
Tatton: "Duh. Everyone knows."
Lane: "I think it’s an urban legend. like cow tipping."
Tatton: "Why do you think all of the other countries hate us?"
Lane: "They don’t even know me."
Tatton: "Not YOU! I mean, America!"
Lane: "Oh, that’s just cause we’re trying to catch the terrorists."
Tatton: "That sentence didn’t even make sense! Do you watch ANYTHING besides Nickelodeon, Dude?!"
Lane: "Duh! The Simpsons! That’s on Fox."
I can’t decide whether to just laugh at them or to try to get them an audition at CNN.

And last, (for now):
Brooke: "Mom- Do I HAVE to get married when I grow up?"
Me: "No, you don’t HAVE to. You’ll have to figure that out when you get there, Sweety."
Brooke: "Well, I don’t wanna."
Lane: "You have to or you’ll be one of those crazy cat ladies."
Brooke: "Un-huh! Mom said I didn’t have to!"
Tatton: "I like cats."
Brooke: "If you don’t get married are you allowed to have dogs?"
Lane: "Duh- of course."
Brooke: "I might get a horse, too."
Tatton: "But married people have horses too."
Brooke: "Well, I don’t want to get married. I don’t want to have kids. It hurts to get your belly skin stretched out."
Lane: "I thought all girls wanted to have kids."
Tatton: "And expensive weddings."
Lane: "Unless you get married in Vegas. Elvis is cheap."
Tatton: "But people lose money gambling, so that’s expensive."
Brooke: "Lilo & stitch like Elvis."
That’s some of the dialogue from our car...
If you notice, Russell wasn’t involved in any of these conversations. That’s because Russell is more of the strong, silent type (unlike the rest of my blabber-mouths that go on... and on... and on...) I’ve thought several times that if we had been Jews hiding from Nazis, Russell would probably have been the only one of my kids to survive. I would have accidentally smothered the rest in an effort to silence them.

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