Hensley Herald

Still The One

2011-02-13T14:48:00.000-08:00

I am not romantic. I am realistic, pragmatic, committed. But romantic? not so much. Valentine's Day (with all of its sappy sweet pink & red hearts)annoys me. A lot. As I have said in a previous post, Valentine's Day is just too forced & commercialized and exhausting for my taste. That said, I do believe in love and the longer that I'm married the more that I appreciate it.

I have now been married for almost half of my life. And I kind of sort of want to say that I "couldn't live without him". That saying always irritates me though. People always say it but it's pretty obvious that there's a good chance that they will in fact have to live without the person that they love someday. (Or vice versa.) And it will suck, but 99% of the time you find out that life goes on. So, it's not true. What I will say is that I don't really want to have to live without him.

Our relationship is well past the butterflies in the stomach newlywed phase. We have officially advanced to the comfortable, convenient, and cozy phase which involves mind reading, sentence finishing, and total ability to order perfectly for the other person off of any menu. We know exactly what the other person looks like first thing in the morning, when they have the flu, and which chores we will procrastinate the longest. Although it doesn't sound remotely hot or exciting, it kind of is.

You see, there's a place that you get to when you absolutely know that someone knows all of the worst things about you and yet they choose to love you anyway for some crazy reason. There's a safety and a closeness in that space. All of the sudden, it's not just you against the world but "Us" against the world.

We've endured through the bills, the leaky roofs,the roadside flat tires, and the colicky babies. We've laughed together and cried together and apologized too many times for saying things we wish we could take back. Marriage is about the business of living- living together and making it work. Marriage is far more work than they ever tell you. Or maybe they do tell you but you just don't want to hear it. I don't know. What I do know is that I don't show my husband how much I truly love & appreciate him enough. He's far better at romance than I am.

So... Dustin, I love you! I love you for being my knight in shining armor that shows up when I do something dumb like lock my keys in the car or I run out of gas. And laughing with me more than at me. ;-) I love you for the times that you at least half listen while I talk and talk like I have a caffeine IV drip. I love you for being my jack of all trades that installs dishwashers and remodels bathrooms and rebuilds engines and takes a little project like building me a raised bed for a few plants and turns it into a terraced hillside complete with waterfall and staircase. I've gotten where I just take it for granted that you'll be able to fix something or build something and it's only occasionally that I step back and marvel at how AMAZING it is that you can do all of that! I love you for being the adventurous one that pushes me out of my comfort zone & makes me take life less seriously. I love you for accepting me as I am & that you value what we have. And most of all, I love that you stick around through all of the rain and you're here to enjoy the rainbows with me when they come. Thank you!

I think whatever part of the brain that makes girls get all goofy over roses & conversation hearts is broken in me. I don't like pink and I don't like mushy poetry that rhymes. But I do love "us". Happy Valentine's Day!

Let It Be

2010-11-27T19:28:00.000-08:00

We're on day eight since we've had school. Me thinks Christmas Break is going to be looonnnggg..... I adore my children. I do. I just wish~ Okay, so I was thinking about it earlier today, and here's the thing: Being all cooped up & restless has made me feel so needy. I feel like I NEED more square feet for starters. But I also feel like I need more stuff, which is ridiculous considering that we've already established that I'm feeling cramped in our current space. Why on earth would I want to further crowd it?! Admittedly, it makes no sense.

The kids are bored though. So bored that we've actually been playing an exceptional amount of board games. So bored that they say they miss school. We don't have cable anymore. I believe that they're actually just about sick of video games. All of our books have been read. So, I find myself wishing we had "more" of something. Some nameless thing that magically makes life more entertaining. And then I realize, I kind of think that maybe we're so restless because we already have too much. We're so spoiled. We're so accustomed to having unlimited entertainment that we don't remember or maybe even know how to just BE.

There's something so magical about the times that we get away from it all. I think that's why I love camping so much. Well, more specifically, backpacking type camping trips. (I'm sorry, but "roughing it" in an RV does NOT count, people!) I love being unplugged from the Internet, the television, the XBOX, the phone. Having no distractions so that I can just take in the blue of the sky and the green of the trees. Notice the slight sound of a frog croaking. The way that a bird swoops down over the water.

I think maybe that's what I'm feeling needy for. I'm craving simplicity & peace. I know that it's not necessarily a reality to have that on a daily basis (especially at this time of the year, sadly) but I think that I'm going to make an effort to try to be entertained a little less and be present a little more. Just what the Dr. ordered?

Of Life And Things...

2010-11-23T16:44:00.000-08:00

Since I stink at driving in this icy weather & I haven't blogged for a while, here's my melodramatic post to my children (in case I die tomorrow.)

There are so many things that I want you to know. The reality is that you will hopefully find these things out for yourself through life experience and that when I tell you this it will probably just go in one ear & out the other. But I'm telling you anyway...

#1. No one can make you unhappy. They can sure try, but you have choices. Choose to find the good in every situation and please be self-aware enough to know when it's time to say "Enough" and stand up for what you need. It's your life.

#2. The healthiest way to cure depression is to give. There is always someone out there who has it worse than you. Help them. Volunteer at a soup kitchen, a hospital, or wherever else you know that there is a need. You'll feel better. I promise.

#3. And when you get married... The best person to talk about your marital problems with? Your spouse. Venting is great (and necessary) but you need to go to the person that you have the issue with so that you can fix the problem. Ultimately, sharing all of your private life with your friends will mean that things will end up awkward for everyone involved. Not to mention, do you really want your spouse talking to their buddies about you?

#4. Don't protect those you love from the pain that will heal them. As a mom, I want to protect you from everything, but I know that I can't do that without cheating you in the long run. I don't want you to do that either. Even if it's me that the truth will hurt. No denial. No kid gloves. Just being real & facing whatever comes. Rip that band-aid off, please.

#5. Your life is more than a resume. You can use whatever words you like to describe yourself, but what speaks the loudest is your actions. People will forget a lot of things, but they don't forget the way that you make them feel. Strive to be a person that you would like to be around. Be the best you possible & own it when you fall short of the goal. That's what counts.

#6. Never criticize without working toward a solution. It's easy to point fingers and find fault. Be strong enough to be accepting & forgiving and ditch the negative. Save the criticism for the days that you can positively say, "I have a way to help things get better!"

#7. Find something that you're passionate about and surround yourself with it. You all have your own individual strengths and talents. Pursue your interests and your dreams. Whether that's drawing, or music, or writing, or taking care of animals... Whatever. Do what you love & love what you do.

#8. But... make time for things that are outside of your comfort zone. Your brain (and your body) need to be challenged. Try a new class that a friend is excited about or enter a competition that you're nervous about. Paint a wall a new color that you like but aren't sure about. It's okay to be silly, to make mistakes, and to learn on the fly.

#9. Never forget abuse nor tolerate it again, but do forgive. Holding a grudge is like taking poison and then waiting for the other person to die. So let go & let God. Forgiveness doesn't mean being a door mat. It can be as simple as praying for the other person and hoping that they'll choose a better path for themselves. Forgiveness is NOT having amnesia and enabling people. My wish for you is that you'll be strong enough to recognize when a relationship isn't healthy & that you'll have the courage and wisdom to do what needs to be done in whatever situation that you find yourself in.

#10. I've raised you with the thought in the back of my mind that I'm going to have to let you go someday. You are not my clone, not my only fulfillment, and I am not living vicariously through you. So, go out into the world and be YOURSELF knowing that I am proud of you, that I love you unconditionally, and that you are amazing just the way you are.

Valentine's Week Hensley Update

2010-02-13T20:35:00.000-08:00

I love Safeway. The other day Brooke & I went grocery shopping together & she had the BEST trip thanks to Safeway's stellar customer service. Brooke was already on cloud nine just from simply getting to come along to the store with me sans brothers. Then, the bakery guy asked if she could have a cookie. When she said "thank you" with a twinkle in her eye, he handed her a 2nd cookie with a wink saying, "Don't tell anyone you got two, okay?" In the produce section, she was offered a handful of juicy red grapes & some apple slices. And the checker gave her 4 Hannah Montana stickers. Not to mention the fact that I saved a TON on the bill since they let you load coupons on to your club card online. Love it!

While we were at Safeway, Brooke chose a Valentine's gift for her teacher as well as her brothers' teachers. She was SO proud of her choices & excited to give them to everyone. When we got home & were unloading the groceries, she excitedly thrust the box of chocolates at each boy telling them to put them in their backpacks and "Tell your teacher that they're from BOTH of us." Lane & Russell just shrugged an "okay" and tucked the little heart shaped boxes into said backpacks. Tatton wasn't as agreeable though. He exclaimed, "Chocolates?! Did you forget that my teacher does Weight Watchers? I don't even want to guess the points value for these!"

I'm guessing that Brooke took that to mean that Tatton would not be needing those chocolates after all, because she disappeared in to her room & emerged a little while later with an empty box of chocolates. Which prompted Tatton to shriek, "BROOKE! Why did you eat my teacher's candy?! Just because she is on Weight Watchers doesn't mean she doesn't have cheat days or something! I mean, it's the thought that counts- not the calorie count! Geez-" Poor Brooke ran to her room again.

This time when she came out she had stuffed a handful of Valentine's jolly rancher suckers into the chocolates box & duct taped it up (and wrote Sorry on the duct tape in red sharpie.) She told Tatton very firmly that he had better give those to his teacher (or else.) Tatton told her that she had better watch it because Mrs. H was going to be her teacher in a couple of years & Brooke would never outlive the title of the girl who ate the teacher's chocolate.

Russell had the chance to have some one on one time with me this week too. We had our first annual Surf's Up Mother Son Dance. When I first came home from a PTA meeting with the news that we would be having a dance, the boys weren't too excited. I got the impression that Russell wasn't entirely too old & cool for it like his big brothers seemed to think they were though. So, one afternoon, I took the flyer from his backpack & handed it to him saying, "Russ, I was wondering if you wanted to go on a date with me?" His face got red, he looked at his shoes, and he said, "Umm... Can I get back to you on this?" A few days later, he silently walked up to me, handed me the flyer back and nodded his head yes. Russell does this funny thing when he's super happy. He sucks on his bottom lip to try to control himself from smiling. I don't know why he gets so shy about showing happiness, but he seems to think that emotions are embarassing. So, anyway, I could tell that he was WAY excited and happy because he was doing everything he could to try to hide that smile and the corners of his mouth kept tugging up, threatening to show his teeth no matter how hard he tried to suck on that bottom lip.

As the dance got closer & closer, he started asking and reasking, "What time does it start again?" And on Friday, he was watching the clock like a hawk & anxiously counting down. At 6:45 I was done decorating for the dance & I ran home to pick him up. He stayed right by my side for the first few minutes, but when he saw some friends from his class he said, "Uh- Mom? It's okay if you want to talk to the other moms & stuff." Which I thought was a pretty cute way of asking if he could leave me alone to hang out with his friends. I gave him permission & he went over to try to break dance & do hand stands with Wade & Jacob. He was doing pretty great at spinning around in circles on the floor too until his knees started to get a rug burn & then he was all about going over to get in the snow cone line. It was a terrific evening with my little guy.

All of the kids are growing up so fast! I just love being able to be a part of all of these stages in their lives. Earlier today I had to take Lane shopping because he had outgrown all of his clothes (again.) Watching my "baby" go into the dressing room with his arms loaded up with size 16's is still somewhat shocking. His feet are now officially bigger than mine & his favorite t-shirt that we bought today is black with white Fender guitars all over it because that's the kind of bass guitar that he plays.

Well, that's a view into our world this week... I could actually type a ton more come to think of it, but this has already gotten pretty long. Valentine's week gets busy with this houseful! Have a good one!

Tough Love

2010-02-09T09:09:00.000-08:00

Do you have someone in your life that you want to just look directly in the eye and say, "Get over it." Yep, me too. More specifically, what I would like to say is, "Listen, you're in a holding pattern. You're just going around in circles, chasing your own tail. There's no way that things will ever progress in your life until you get out of this rut & I suspect that part of the reason that you are so stubborn about this comfort zone of yours is because you have Borderline Personality Disorder (my non professional opinion) and you need to seek help. I can't keep "helping" you & having you act like a victim when I know full well that you are refusing to take the steps that you need to take (so that you finally won't have to beg for help all of the time.) I think you LIKE having everyone take care of you & I don't think we're doing you any favors by being the crutch that allows you to keep limping along. It's not healthy for you & it's sure as heck not healthy for me. So, see ya, go out into that big scary world and struggle a little because when you hit rock bottom the only place to go is up."

Anyway... just had to get that out there. You must have SOMEONE in your life like that? I actually have several. I don't get it personally.

Tis The Season

2009-12-11T08:49:00.000-08:00

It was 10 degrees here in Grays Harbor last night. Our lake is frozen most of the way across into a beautiful glasslike crystal sheet of ice (teasing the children to try to ice skate on it although they are FORBIDDEN to attempt that or even go near it.) We're not used to these record lows around here. Car batteries are refusing to cooperate, tons of people's wells are frozen, and the local economy is getting stimulated as people are forced to buy deicer, antifreeze, and long underwear. Oh yeah, and a lady slept in her car outside of my house last night.

I obviously already knew that there were countless homeless people suffering in this weather. I just made a casual comment to the kids about how I was worried about those people without warm shelter just the other day. None of them were in front of my house though (yet.) Everything's always more personal & real when it's right in your own front yard. This morning, when I got up to get the kids off to school, I noticed a car parked outside. Not a big deal. It happens. A little while later though, the hazard lights came on & I realized that there was somebody in that car. So, I sent Dustin out to see if they needed help. He brought back a lady that was shivering violently. Her lips & fingers purplish-blue. She had a small fleece throw, a lightweight jacket, and a cast on her arm. She had let her car run to stay warm until she had run out of gas.

I set her up with a blanket & hot cocoa while Dustin went to town to get gas for her car. She seemed like a really nice lady. She made conversation with the kids as I hurried around getting them ready for school. The part that really hit me hard wasn't so much that she had to sleep in her car, it was the fact that as I got the kids ready, tears came to her eyes as she repeatedly said, "I used to do this with my kids." Tatton was getting all dressed up for his field trip to The Nutcracker & this lady told him about how she also went on a field trip to The Nutcracker in Seattle with her daughter's class years ago. I was reminded once again of just how much I really have to be thankful for that I so often take for granted. My kids were sitting at our dining room table wolfing down cheerios, hats and gloves at the ready for when they would leave the comfort of our 70 degrees home to board the school bus and go off to a day of learning & enrichment. Our needs were met. We were better than okay, great even.

I've caught myself feeling Scrooge-like & cranky several times over the last few weeks with Dustin laid off as the Holidays approach all too quickly. I keep trying to remember to focus on the Holiday traditions that bring family togetherness instead of stressing about getting every little thing on the kids' monstrous gimme-lists. It's easy to get caught up in the cycle of materialism and greed though. This morning, I remembered something: The best part of the Holidays is giving. I suggest that we all find a way to reach out to others this season.

When It Just Happens

2009-12-06T16:06:00.000-08:00

I love effortless learning. I try to learn that way as often as possible. Who am I kidding? I try to do everything as effortlessly as possible. The shower curtain in my kids' bathroom is a giant world map because when I saw it for sale at Walmart I thought, "Wow- if they're going to be sitting there anyway and they could stare at a map that whole time..." Effortless learning. Today, we were watching the football game. It was the San Francisco 49er's at the Seahawks. Good game too, by the way. The score stayed tied enough of the time to keep me interested. Oh yeah, and the Hawks won. :-) Lane asked, "Why would anyone name a football team something dumb like the 49er's?" Sean said, "They're from San Francisco. You know, like the California Gold Rush." Tatton asked what the name 49er's had to do with the Gold Rush, so I told him to go look it up. A couple of minutes later he said, "Ohh- I get it! 1849. Okay." The beautiful thing is, it didn't end there. Once we had reason to crack open those history books, the domino effect began.

Tatton read aloud about the events of 1849 from Don't Know Much About American History (by Kenneth C. Davis). His eyed were glowing with excitement as he exclaimed, "Oh my gosh! You guys think the economy is bad now! In 1849, there were so many thousands of people flocking to California that their supply & demand was ridiculous! Flour was $800 a barrel, sugar was $400 a barrel, eggs were $3 a piece, and shovels were $100. (This was at a time when skilled workers were making $2 a day!) Hey, guess what? Jeans were invented because a man noticed that miners needed sturdier pants & he invented Levi Strauss. Oh my gosh! Levi's were the first jeans ever invented and I'm wearing a pair of Levi's right now!"

He went on, "Hey guys! Chinatown came about because the Gold Rush brought so many Chinese people across the Pacific to America since there was a war going on over there & lots of people were out of work in China. But life in California, which the Chinese people called "Gold Mountain" wasn't much better than it had been in China. White people who couldn't find gold looked for someone to blame. They often unfairly blamed the Chinese & they were forced to live apart from everyone else & pay extra taxes. They had no rights. Many went home, but those who stayed created "Chinatowns" where they settled. I wonder if we would have Chinese take-out if there hadn't been a Gold Rush in 1849?"

Then he asked Lane this question: "Hey Lane- was the Underground Railroad the first subway system?" Thankfully, Tatton was too excited to allow Lane much time to answer since Lane didn't look like he loved being put on the spot with that question. Tatton answered his own question, "Nope! It sounds like it would be, but it was really a network of houses & other safe places for slaves who were running away to freedom in the northern states & Canada! The California Gold Rush heightened the debate over slavery because so many settlers moved to California so quickly that it had enough people to apply for statehood. The Oregon Territory was considered free, so southerners wanted California to be a slave state. But California's state constitution forbade slavery."

"In the Compromise of 1850, California entered into the Union as a free state. The Compromise also included The Fugitive Slave Law, which made it legal for slave owners to go after & capture runaway slaves who had escaped North. That was the most controversial part of the Compromise. There were people who helped the slaves run away. These people were called 'Conductors.' The most famous 'conductor' of the railroad was Harriet Tubman. $40,000 was offered for her capture! Mom, do you know when Harriet Tubman was born? It has a question mark here for her year of birth."

I remembered that I actually had a Time For Kids Biography called Harriet Tubman A Woman of Courage (by Renee Skelton) on the bookshelf. So, we got it out & started reading about her life. It said that she died in 1913 at the age of 93, so I had the kids do the math & we decided that she must have been born around 1820. We talked about her life being raised as a slave & how good we all have it in comparison. Especially striking were the pictures of the quilts used for code. The kids couldn't believe that it was against the law to teach a slave to read & write. Here we were with 5 books spread in front of us by this point, digging through the written word about people who never had that right. They were ingenious enough to find a way to communicate by sewing patterns into quilts that they would hang out windows or across fences without stirring suspicion though. My kiddos that are all about secret agents & spies thought that was amazing.

By this time, the game was a blood pressure spiking tie at 17 to 17 with only a few minutes left. We had casually covered History, Geography, Civil Rights, done some math and a ton of reading, (with Brooke throwing in synonyms for EVERYTHING due to her new found BFF the Thesaurus- more on that in a future blog) all while noshing on pizza and watching a good ol' Sunday football game. I LOVE days like this. Effortless learning & quality time. That's the stuff.

References:

Don't Know Much About American History, Kenneth C. Davis, 2003

Don't Know Much About The 50 States, Kenneth C. Davis, 2001

National Geographic Our Fifty States, Mark H. Bockenhauer and Stephen F. Cunha, 2004

Building A Nation, Scott Foresman, 2008

Explore and Learn Volume 6 Atlas of the World, The Southwestern Company, 2005

Explore and Learn Volume 4 People in Place and Time, The Southwestern Company, 2005

The California Gold Rush An Interactive History Adventure, Elizabeth Raum, 2008

and of course, Brooke's friend: Webster's New English Language Thesaurus

Miss Brooke Teaches Those Boys

2009-11-21T22:27:00.000-08:00

Today, the fact that our youngest child is clearly the Alpha became a little more obvious. We've known it since she was 2. There's no denying it. Way back then, she could walk up to Russell who was 4 and say, "I want that swing" (that he was using) and he would silently hop off and give it to her. She's always done this. I've alternated between patting her brothers on the back for being so kind to their little sister and telling them that it's okay to stand up for themselves. Brooke will convince them to do things her way no matter what though.

Several months ago, a box full of educational character building tools arrived in the mail. I had signed up for it on a freebies website. I've been meaning to open it and put it to use all this time. However, it's been on the top of a bookshelf in a hallway instead. Yesterday, Brooke got it down and fell in love with it. She played school in her bedroom most of the evening using the colorful posters and white board. Then, this morning the game took a new turn.

Lane and Tatton were fighting over video games as they're likely to be found doing on a rainy Saturday morning. Miss Brooke (as she insisted we call her) arrived on the scene. She taped up her "visual aids" and used a drumstick for a pointer. It sounded something like this for the next couple of HOURS:

Brooke: "Lane, what are some ways that you can manage conflict?"

Lane (mumbling): "Umm- I dunno."

Brooke: "Tatton, don't you think that looking for a compromise might be a good start?"

Tatton: "Yeah."

Brooke: "Lane, what does compromise mean? Give me an example."

Lane: "To like make a deal."

Brooke: "Good, but that wasn't an example. Now class, I'm going to list some ways that we can manage conflict:"

(pointing with her drumstick)

"First, stay cool. Talk it over. Focus on the problem. Look for a compromise. Know when to walk away. Be a leader. Be a friend. Be reasonable. Be responsible. Practice real courage and put your ego aside. Mom, what's an ego?"

It was seriously cute. I was both laughing (in my head) at how seriously she was taking all of this and sort of shocked and amazed at how good she was at it. She really blew my "Boys knock it off!" out of the water! I also want to say to the boys that I'm very proud of them for what good sports they were and how long they let their sister "play school" with them when I'm sure they had other things they would rather be doing than being lectured by a 7 year old. The only less than nice thing they even said was when Brooke handed Russell a "detention slip" for not following "direkshons" and he said, "Oh! Come on! I have to follow your directions and you don't even know how to spell it right?!"

And So It Begins

2009-11-21T22:00:00.000-08:00

I've realized that as the cold and impending gloom of the grey skies have set in, so has my need to write. Funny how that works. There's a reason that Seattle (the entire Pacific Northwest really- but Seattle gets all the love) has turned out so many artists. Well, and coffee shops to be fair. For me, it's a tradition and a survival instinct both. Not unlike the squirrels hoarding food away for winter or the geese flying south, once that cold moisture finds it's way to my bones my brain screams to be creative. Or maybe it's been creative all along but I had plenty of serotonin from long sun filled days of activity to quiet the noise. Who knows?

No matter what the reason, I have to say that I have a love hate relationship with this tradition. I have to say that "creating" words isn't really as productive as say, oh, vacuuming is. And at this time, I'm really forcing myself to go through the motions of day to day life. Things still have to get done. So, I do them with as little effort as possible and then I make a mad dash to the computer to research and type. I don't think it's healthy (but very little about winter feels healthy.) I've wondered more than a few times if I shouldn't get a sun lamp or something.

So, anyway... the blog will probably be getting updated more often. Until spring that is... ;-)

Being Thankful

2009-11-03T19:39:00.000-08:00

Every once in a while the kids say or do something that makes me think that MAYBE I'm getting through to them. That happened this week with Tatton. Shortly after Lane received his Birthday presents, Tatton came down with a case of the woe-is-me-gimmes (go figure...) It went something like this:

"I don't have ANYTHING! EVERYONE has WAY more than me! Why can't I just have ONE single thing that I want for once?"

Note: This is one of my all time biggest pet peeves as a mother. I simply cannot stand putting in my blood, sweat, and tears just to be met with ungrateful whines and pleas that make it so brutally clear that my all will never be quite good enough. That said... I get it. I do. He's only almost 11 and let's face it- a human. Who of us hasn't thought that the grass just MIGHT be greener on the other side of the fence once or twice? So... I held my tongue (this time.) I simply stared at him as he went off about the injustice.

Then, he paused. The saying "I could see the wheels turning in his head" seems exceptionally appropriate as I felt like I could literally watch his brain switch gears. Seeming to be suddenly aware that he sounded like a big ingrate, he tried a new tactic. It went something like this:

"Okay, I know... I know... I have shelter, and food, and clothing, and education. Oh, and health care. But I mean, besides having my basic needs met... I don't have..."

He stumbled around with that for a few minutes more (going on and on about how ALL of the kids in his class have way more modern technology and way funner toys than we do) as I continued to stare at him in silence. Thankfully, he switched gears again. Just as quickly as his tirade had started, he let out a deep sigh of resignation and said, "I think I'm gonna shut up now." and turned around and walked out looking content as the cat that caught the canary.

I love that his thoughts basically came full circle and I never had to even utter a word. It's so interesting to me actually. The thing is, I have a major problem with the way that we as a society are so "gimme" oriented. I remember several years ago when I was a teenage mom and I felt like I had to bend over backwards to try to achieve enough to allow my children to have a "real" life. Of course, my ideals were unrealistic and when they weren't met, we all survived. Not to mention, learned and grew. That's when I first realized my first mistake: I thought that in order to be a "real" happy family we had to be living the "American Dream" which in my mind was a perfect suburban house with a white picket fence and 2.5 kids that were in every extracurricular activity imaginable and were always perfectly dressed. Only:

A. The concept of an "American Dream" didn't actually make all that much sense when I considered that when you break the words down what you're looking at is America (not the whole world or even all of the developed countries but one lone country that isn't all that popular due to it's known greed and corruption) and Dream (which can be defined as a series of mental images and emotions occurring in the mind; "I had a dream about you last night"
imaginative thoughts indulged in while awake; "he lives in a dream that has nothing to do with reality" have a daydream; indulge in a fantasy ;a state of mind characterized by abstraction and release from reality; "he went about his work as if in a dream" ) So, I was stressing myself out about an imaginative thought that is connected to a lifestyle in one country. My real life was still way better than a lot of other people's and as poor as I felt at times I was definitely better off than most of the people in Africa and Afghanistan just to name a couple of places.

And B. Nothing will ever be enough unless we first appreciate what we have. We all do it. We want that new car so badly. Then, after we've had it for a little while we start looking around at all of the other new vehicles on the road and we don't like our car that much anymore. Don't get me started on how many times I've changed my mind on what color I want my kitchen painted alone. And no matter how long ago you bought your cell phone / computer / gaming system you can bet that something newer and better is in on the horizon sooner than you can call your new crack berry a dinosaur. When will we ever be satisfied unless we stop in our tracks and take stock of how much we actually have to be thankful for?

My point is this: I'm so relieved that even though Tatton got greedy for a moment, I'm so relieved that he caught on to his thought error & corrected it on his own. It gives me hope that MAYBE someday my kids will be able to look back on their childhood with fond memories of family togetherness and special traditions and feel like they were blessed. This parenting thing can get a little scary and it's nice to have hope that I'm not just raising materialistic people who don't know how to be thankful for how good life really is. What are you thankful for?

I Wanna Fall In Love

2009-06-03T21:58:00.000-07:00

All over again. Our life has just felt so... ordinary lately. Lots of end of the school year activities and events. Brooke's Birthday coming up. Brother-in-law moved in with us. Never-ending laundry & dishes, of course. The park is SLAMMED with people coming to escape the heat with a swim. Fun for them, work for me. I'm ready for our Anniversary. The big One-Three. We usually try to go away for the weekend or something. This year we're talking about going to Victoria, B.C. I can't WAIT! I miss my husband. We feel a little like strangers co-existing in this crazy busy world. I'm dying to just leave the "real world" behind for a couple of days. Only one more month... The count down begins.

Can't A Girl Get A Little Privacy?

2009-05-30T20:25:00.000-07:00

This evening I got yelled at in the grocery store by a dermatologist. I've been painting the family business for the last couple of days (and wearing sunblock!) and I've got a lobster-ish look going. My eight year old and I were on the pudding aisle breaking down the cost of buying pudding cups in bulk vs. buying the mix and milk and making it ourselves. This man came along and smiled at me. I thought, "Oh- he thinks it's funny that I'm talking about the cost of pudding at length with a child." Then, he opened his mouth. Turns out I read his expression wrong. His smile was more like a smirk and that smirk was more like a look of disdain (the same look that people have when they feel awkwardly sorry for the homeless person begging for change on the corner and don't know how to react. Or maybe on second thought, the look that they get when the bumbling fool working the drive-thru window at the local fast food restaurant just can't seem to get their order right repeatedly.) He berated me for allowing myself to get burnt and warned me of the evils of UV rays. As usual, I attempted to lighten the situation with humor and joked that I was planning on going to The Relay For Life tonight but might get kicked out by the skin cancer group. He didn't laugh with me though.

The thing is, I'm getting really sick of people sticking their noses where they don't belong. Yes, I get that he was well meaning. He's not the first person this week or even today to be annoying though. Yesterday, I took my son to his bi-weekly therapy session. Interestingly enough, I ran into my long lost aunt that I hadn't seen in a decade. Since there's apparently not much else to do in waiting rooms, she filled me in on the soap opera of the the years of her life that I had missed. Her poor daughter (my sons age) was there for a counseling appointment due to (well, let's say a series of unfortunate events) and had to sit there as her mother told me all the bloody details on her daughter's problems (in front of her.) Then, she turned the table and said, "So, why does he have to see the therapist?" As if I was gonna sit there and spill my child's issues out for everyone in the waiting room. (I only do that sort of embarrassing gossiping on my blog because as we all know blogging is different. ;-)

I realize that I probably make people uncomfortable at times too. It's funny how it's okay for me to dish out TMI, but I get offended by other people's "openness". Let's face it though, nobody likes a dermatologist who brings his work with him to the grocery store or a fellow waiting room attendee who says, "So what are you in for?"

The Things I'll Do For $$$- (not for the weak of stomach)

2009-05-21T11:23:00.000-07:00

I don't work 9-to-5. That's not the way I make my livin'. Nope, I clean public park bathrooms & empty 42 garbage cans whenever they need it. It's much like mothering. You can't help it if your baby's diaper needs changing at 2 AM. You just power through it. So it is with backed up toilets and vandalism. It doesn't matter if I'm wearing my best high heels and shiny red lipstick to go out on the town with my man. If the bathroom is in trouble, I must come to the rescue. It's sort of hilarious, because I do have a decent head on my shoulders and yet I REALLY, really like this nasty, manual labor stuff. I could have been a doctor... or a lawyer... or a, well anything I set my mind to. I'm scrubbing toilets though. And most days, it suits me.

Of course, there are the occasional times that I really, really, REALLY hate my job. For the first two weeks straight after we opened up the bathrooms for the season (they're locked during the months that freeze to prevent busted pipes) someone was "decorating" the bathrooms with their feces. Yes, feces. They started off small by wiping it all over the toilet seat and wiping with a pair of thermal wool socks then shoving those socks down into the toilet so that it flooded over on to the floor when flushed. That was pretty. Stuff like that happens though, so I just put on some rubber boots and latex gloves and cleaned it up. No big. The next day, they skipped the toilet and left a steaming pile on the floor in front of the toilet though. I was not impressed. Keep in mind that this was back when I had just discovered that I was pregnant.

As the days went on, there were more piles. Always in the same spot. My ten year old son commented, "Whoa! What? Are they taking the All-Bran 10 day challenge or something?!" Unfortunately, it went on like this. Until one day, this person had written "Hi" with their stool sample on the bathroom wall. It totally creeped me out that they were leaving these "presents" for us and now "communicating". Later that night, we went to lock the bathrooms up for the night and there was a 5 gallon bucket in the same spot that the piles had been in filled with a toxic mix of vomit and poop. Poor Dustin had to carry it. We had to figure out what in the heck to even do with it. If it weren't so late at night, I probably would have called the health department for advice on how to dispose of toxic waste. My hubby & I laughed at the absurdity of the things that we have had conversations about since taking this job.

When I found yet another present the next day, I called the Sheriff's department to see what could be done. I was desperately wishing real life played out like CSI and they could just DNA test it. He was intrigued, but he didn't really have a whole lot of advice. He basically said that if it were him, he would just lock the bathrooms up and put a sign on the door saying, "Closed due to ongoing vandalism." We wavered between doing that and leaving them open so that we could finally catch who was doing it. My kids would ask me (eyes sparkling), "Mom? If you walked in on him doing it, would you beat him up?!" They REALLY loved the idea of me (total non-fighter) opening a can on the "bad guy". I told them that I wasn't going to start a fight with a guy who was in the middle of a BM, but that I would totally lock the bathroom gate so that he couldn't get out and call 911. They didn't think that sounded nearly as exciting.

Fortunately, it just stopped as suddenly as it started. I'm not sure why, but I'm thankful. I'm not going to pretend that aside from that issue the job is pretty. Believe me, you don't want to empty 42 garbage cans that have been fermenting in the heat. When I'm done with this job, I may be ready to become some sort of Maggot Specialist (they have those, right?) I bet you that I could qualify as an expert on maggot life stages. Don't get me started on how many people that I have witnessed in the throws of extra marital affairs. I've lived in this SMALL town my entire life. WHY on earth do these people insist on coming to my backyard for this? And why is the average time of day for cheating in a car without tinted windows right when the school bus drives by? I've lost count of how many used condoms and hypodermic needles I've had to pick up & dispose of. And they call parks family places. Ha!

So, why do I do it you ask? Simple. We get paid to live in our house and it allows me to be a stay at home mom a little longer. Not to mention, what would I have had to blog about today and gross you out with otherwise?

Marriage Mania

2009-05-16T19:17:00.000-07:00

Being married is a terrifying venture when you really open your eyes and look around. I feel like I am so happily married and at the same time sometimes I feel like I'm ready to just throw in the towel. Truth be told, there's absolutely no way that I would still be married if I weren't so bloody stubborn about not failing.

It's not his fault. Like I said, I'm happily married. I think we really fit together and balance each other out beautifully. None of the things that bother me about him are deal breakers. He says he feels likewise about my flaws. So, what is my problem?

I'll tell you: I'm scared to death of wasting my time and getting my heart broken. My parents were married for 25 LONG years before they got divorced. I see a lot of that actually. Every time that I hear about another couple who had made it a couple of decades before "spontaneously" combusting my heart begins to race and I break out in a cold sweat. Most of them seemed so happy. Meant for each other. Content.

Further complicating my fears is that I have NO idea how to prevent this. I mean, we go out of our way to spend quality time together. We try hard to respect one another. Two people both caring enough to make an effort to keep the romance alive is a solid start, right? That said, most of the other couples that I've referred to seemed to be doing the same. So, what happened to them?

I just can't stand the thought of investing so much of myself for so many years of my life just to have him come to me 10 or 15 years done the road to say, "I'm done." I honestly don't know how anyone can succesfully move on from that. I look at my mom as she struggles with being alone (even though she did want to get divorced) and I just think, "What would I do?" Dustin & I are so used to being together and we have so many habits, routines, and traditions. I can't imagine having to rebuild a new life with someone else when I'm so commited to this life that it feels as natural as breathing.

I was watching the Elizabeth Edwards interview on Oprah the other day. Here they are, this couple that has been married since 1977. They share 4 children (two of which they went through fertility treatments to conceive.) They've weathered the storms of losing a child and her battle with cancer. You can see the love they share just looking at them. And yet he cheated on her.

When asked about why she's still with him Elizabeth said, "He [John] has provided for us. He has -- you know, his fathering has been nearly perfect. His caring for me, with this really big painful exception, has been extraordinary, through Wade's death, through the cancer ... You have to say, is that -- is this piece, this piece which is so painful, so big, that it obscures all of those other things. And did I think about that? I did think about that. But in the end I decided it did not ... My forgiving him has allowed me to let go of a lot of the pain."

Which makes me wonder how I would handle that pain. I think I would (like a lot of these couples) fight to the death to save my marriage. I try to imagine something so big that it would make me okay with walking away from my husband forever & all I can think is that I wish I could be tough. I wish I could be such an independent woman that I could just see everything as black & white instead of this emotional rainbow mess that I see through my rose colored glasses. Sometimes I romanticize this tough, I-don't-need-a-man mama so well that I wonder why I don't just run now before my love grows even more (threatening any chance that I ever have of not having my heart broken.)

Luckily, I know that this is ridiculous. I realize that my fear itself is probably the biggest threat to my happiness and I have no intention of giving it any more power than I already have. I still really wish that more couples stuck it out though so I didn't have to worry at all. And I'm going to really enjoy our date night tonight. I'm not taking anything for granted.

Summer Lovin'

2009-05-13T22:51:00.000-07:00

At the risk of sounding completely mental, I'm gonna say that I'm really looking forward to summer. Yes, I realize that summer = kids 24/7 and that it wasn't all that long ago that I blogged about spring break killing me. Before that, I blogged about school closures for snow & floods driving me mad. I'm aware of the irony. I'm just so ready to chill out a bit schedule wise though. Take tonight for instance: I began getting the kids into bed at 8:00 PM. At 9:00 PM they were all still awake and whining about the injustice of going to sleep while it was still daylight out. To which the only decent reply that I could come up with was that I'm a horrible, monstrous ogre of a mother that doesn't want them to fall asleep in class. If it were summer vacation, we could have built a fire and roasted some marshmallows for smores instead and just slept in in the morning. At 10:00 PM, the boys had all finally fallen asleep but Brooke had gotten over tired to the point that instead of resting she was bawling that she missed her slide bed. Apparently, it was "the only bed I ever loved." (For those of you not in the know, her slide bed was a loft bed with a metal slide on it that she had outgrown and it took up 75% of her bedroom. We sold it on craiglist to get her a "big girl bed" over a year ago.) Now, it's the bed that got away.

OKay, off subject, I just clicked spellcheck and it's telling me that smores isn't a word. Neither is Craigslist. Is that true? I mean, smores... come on... Well, anyway, I want to go camping. I'd really like to go on a good hike. Washington summers are often gorgeous, 70 degree affairs just perfect for getting out in nature and taking in the insane amount of beautiful green-ness (Now that I know is not a word. No spell check required.) I'm psyched to see the kids run their lemonade stand some more. People are so good. Did you know that they almost always get tipped? I would have never have thought to tip at a lemonade stand. Heck, I'm sort of grossed out at the thought of drinking lemonade that was possibly made by children and would most likely never stop at a random lemonade stand & actually drink the stuff anyway. (Don't drink the Kool-Aid!!!) Hmm... I'm curious if spell check likes the word Kool-Aid or not. Let me see...

Nope. It would take Aid but not Kool. Interesting. Oh, okay... It will accept Koolaid. I could have sworn it was hyphenated.

There are only 24 days of school left. Which means that there are only 26 days until my baby girl turns seven years old. It's hard to believe that my YOUNGEST child is a shoe tying, fluent reading, teeth missing, real life first grader turning second grader. I'm actually kind of not okay with it, but just like all things I tell her not to do, she just keeps getting older even though I tell her to stop. One good thing about having older kids is that our summer vacation IS admittedly less complicated when we can go to the beach and not worry that any of our children will eat the sand or stick random objects up their nose. Having everyone potty trained helps too. My friend Chelsea & I were talking earlier about the logistics of going hiking with an infant. Kelty backpacks are fabulous, but where are you supposed to dispose of diapers when you're in the middle of nowhere? I mean, do you seriously have to pack it in pack it out? Yuck. I don't think we're missing out on anything there.

So, there you have it: the random ramblings of my sleepy mind. I'm dieting & exercising again. My brain is always a little, um, quirky on a diet. Hmm... maybe that's where the jonesing for smores thing came in... So, what are your summer plans?

My Eggo Was Preggo

2009-05-04T16:46:00.000-07:00

So... it's been a while. I feel a little like we're strangers. And yet, I'm about to get very personal because, well, blogging is my therapy. So, here goes:

Even though I had my tubes tied 7 years ago AND was on birth control for my slew of female problems, I somehow managed to conceive. To quote my husband, "Future President, a real go-getter!" However, on Saturday, I miscarried (cutting the Future Prez's life short even by Presidential standards. Hey, even JFK made it to an untimely 46 years.) I was trying to prepare myself for a possible tubal pregnancy and was trying REALLY hard not to get my hopes up until my doctor appointment on Wednesday (when I would find out the status.) I don't think I actually did that great of a job of preparing myself for disappointment though, because I am REALLY disappointed. I keep looking at Dustin and wanting to just kick him in the side of the head. Don't worry, I've been controlling myself and sticking solely to verbal abuse.

On Saturday when it happened, I was fairly busy. Having a miscarriage didn't really fit into my schedule. Dustin was at work. Tatton had two soccer games. Someone vandalized the bathrooms at the park with feces (again). More on that in a future blog... I had 12 loads of laundry to do and the kids all had extra homework that they needed help with. All I could think as I sat there on the sidelines at T's soccer game was, "Wow, I'm such a phony. I'm sitting here having a miscarriage and acting like every thing's fine. If I don't even have time to slow down & have a miscarriage, who was I fooling thinking I had time for another baby?" Over the last couple of days, I've told my self stuff like that over & over.

"It's for the best this way."

"I probably lost it because there was something wrong with it."

"I didn't want to start a pregnancy off at this weight anyway. This gives me time to lose weight before I try again."

"I wasn't even taking prenatal vitamins yet..."

"The economy is horrible. I can't even afford another kid."

"At least my morning sickness is gone."

You name it, I've been fibbing to myself about it to try to feel better. Then, I walk through Target and start bawling. It seemed like everywhere I turned there were diapers, cute onesies, maternity clothes, little baby sandals, mothers pushing carts with cooing, bald headed little people in them. I began to wonder if the entire retail industry revolves entirely around young mothers and their spawn. Suddenly, I had a horrible case of the gimme's and I desperately wanted to buy everything in site. Thank goodness I only carry cash. A credit card would have been a nightmare in my current state or mind. And I realize: I get Nadya Suleman (the Octo-Mom.) Why can't I just be happy with the 4 wonderful kids I've already been blessed with? Am I crazy to want more? To go into a wierd denial meets depression meets greed meets spousal abuse funk just because I lost a baby after I'd already voluntarily tied my tubes?

So, whatever you do: feel sorry for my husband because I've found my anger has to be directed somewhere and it's better him than the children.

Fairytale Rom-Action

2009-04-06T10:00:00.000-07:00

My daughter is going through a medieval phase. Her new favorite hairstyle is to french braid it the night before so that it gets all wavy and then wear it half down with two intertwining braids on the top half. She wears her hair like this with whatever shirt she can find with the puffiest cap sleeves. I think she's trying to channel her inner Gwinevere. The other day we were driving to her 6 month check-up for her ear tubes. Our ENT is over an hour drive away. Brooke talked about fairy tales the whole time.

She announced from the back seat,"When I grow up I am going to be a princess."
She said it just as certainly as if she had said, "I want to be a teacher" or "I want to be a veterinarian."

Boring, logistical grown-up that I am, I responded, "Oh really? Are you going to marry a prince or something?"

Boy, that put a burr under her saddle! "NO!!! I'm NOT going to marry a prince, Mom! I'm just going to grow up to be a princess. A SINGLE princess!" She sat there, arms folded, face scowling.

Perhaps it's the result of having three older brothers, but to Brooke, the mention of her getting married when she grows up always elicits anger. How dare mean mom mention that nasty word!

This all got me thinking about why my mind instantly goes to prince when I think of princess. Maybe my daughter had a good point. Why should she have to have a prince to make her a princess? Was I stereotyping? Being sexist? Why couldn't a girl consider herself a princess without a Prince Charming? After all, it's us princesses that have to kiss the frogs to turn them into princes. Not the other way around.

I realized that in my own (REAL) life, I often think that I need my husband to confirm that I am in fact his queen before I see myself that way. I wondered, "If it weren't for that confirmation, would I still feel worthy?" I thought of the many different ways that we women count on the men in our lives for validation. Would I bother dressing up if I didn't want him to tell me that he thinks I'm pretty? Would my goals be the same if I didn't always have it in the back of my mind that I am HALF of a couple? Where along the line did we decide that we needed someone to "complete" us? (Thanks Jerry McGuire!)

Just this last Valentine's Day, Dustin brought home a rose & a box of Sweethearts for Brooke. This bothered me at first because she was the only one out of our four kids that he brought something home for. When I told him that I was afraid that he would hurt the boys' feelings, he told me that they need to learn that Valentine's is about men pampering women. Just like Brooke needs to learn that as a female, she deserves to be treated a certain way. If little girls grow up to marry men like their daddies, then he wants to treat her like a princess & set the bar high.

As a woman, this made me feel both lucky to have a husband that values women and equally terrified that we would create a monster. I don't want my daughter to have entitlement issues or to just expect to always have a man to take care of her. After all, life is what happens while you're busy planning for other things (John Lennon). We have no idea how her story will play out. I desperately want her to be strong enough to handle whatever comes her way as a SINGLE princess (as she put it.) If she ends up with a fabulous prince charming, then that's just gravy.

Following this line of thought, I got scared that I had been a horrible role model to her. While I still solidly believe that the greatest gift a father can give his children is to truly love their mother, had I somehow (by being a stay-at-home mom that could possibly be a little spoiled by my husband) have communicated to my kids that women NEED to be spoiled? I suddenly felt the urge to prove to them all just how strong I really was. I wanted them to know once and for all that their daddy and I treat each other the way we do because we enjoy being nice to each other, not because we think the other person is weak or incapable of taking care of them self. Sure, I'd RATHER bake cookies while he changes the oil on the car, but do I really want my daughter to think that she doesn't need to know how to do "guy stuff" since her mom never did?

My mind went on like this for a while. Then, I realized something else. Dustin & I haven't always been this nice to each other. Even though we've been married for so long now that it seems like forever ago, the reality is that the first several years of our marriage were TOUGH and we had to learn to treat each other with love and respect. We got married when Dustin was 19 and I was 17. Nineteen year old boys aren't necessarily ready to be good husbands yet. Seventeen year old girls aren't mature enough to be great wives. Dustin doesn't go out of his way to take care of me because that's the way it's always been. It's a dynamic that we created & grew into. Suddenly, I didn't feel so worried anymore, because looking at it from that perspective, I felt more like I'd EARNED my crown as Queen.

Our relationship isn't a fairytale full of romance and white horses. It's maybe 20% romance and more like 80% action to keep the romance alive. I was scared that we were setting our kids up for disappointment by letting them think that there was such a thing as happily ever after in this modern day & age. I'm glad that what they're actually seeing is that you have to work REALLY hard at whatever you do, including love. And I'm okay with letting my daughter think that she can grow up to be a princess (as long as that means she believes that she deserves true happiness and understands that she has the power to slay whatever fire breathing dragons stand in her way by herself.)

Desperately Seeking Skinny Pants: Wedding Dress Shopping + A CONTEST!!!

2009-04-02T11:21:00.000-07:00

Desperately Seeking Skinny Pants: Wedding Dress Shopping + A CONTEST!!!

Spring Break

2009-04-02T09:25:00.000-07:00

Worst. Spring break. EVER.

It should NEVER snow on spring break! There should not be hailstorms. Or high wind warnings. My yard should not be so engorged with water that when I step on the spongy grass, I sink in and am douched with mud and water above my ankles. Spring break should be about trading in winter boots for cute, strappy sandals. My kids should be running around outside & picking daffodils. After they spent 10 minutes outside, I had to make them all hot cocoa. This is not right.

I know that I have officially entered "mom zone" because what I was most excited about going into spring break was organizing stuff. I made this handy dandy chart in which the plan to spring clean something each day was layed out. It was a thing of beauty. Some of it has gotten done. Some more of it has not. My poor, poor children. Here they are on spring break, the weather stinks and the conditions indoors (with mom nagging them to clean out their closet) aren't much better. They don't sound too disappointed when we talk about school starting back up on Monday.

Last night Dustin was flipping through the channels and he paused on a reality show with hundreds of bikini clad college kids partying on some tropical beach. I asked him, "Why does their spring break look funner than ours?" Maybe it's because it's WARM where they are. It's 33 degrees here right now. Brrr-

Out Of The Mouth Of Babes

2009-03-30T21:08:00.000-07:00

My friend forwarded me this little gem:

1stgrade school teacher had twenty-six students in her class. She presented each child in her classroom the 1st half of a well-known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It's hard to believe these were actually done by first graders. Their insight may surprise you. While reading, keep in mind that these are first-graders, 6-year-olds, because the last one is a classic!

1.
Don't change horses
until they stop running.

2.
Strike while the
bug is close.

3.
It's always darkest before
Daylight Saving Time.

4.
Never underestimate the power of
termites.

5..
You can lead a horse to water but
How?

6.
Don't bite the hand that
looks dirty.

7.
No news is
impossible

8.
A miss is as good as a
Mr.

9.
You can't teach an old dog new
Math

10.
If you lie down with dogs, you'll
stink in the morning.

11.
Love all, trust
Me.

12.
The pen is mightier than the
pigs.

13.
An idle mind is
the best way to relax.

14..
Where there's smoke there's
pollution.

15.
Happy the bride who
gets all the presents.

16.
A penny saved is
not much.

17.
Two's company, three's
the Musketeers.

18.
Don't put off till tomorrow what
you put on to go to bed.

19.
Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and
You have to blow your nose.

20.
There are none so blind as
Stevie Wonder.

21.
Children should be seen and not
spanked or grounded.

22.
If at first you don't succeed
get new batteries.

23.
You get out of something only what you

See in the picture on the box

24..
When the blind lead the blind
get out of the way.

25.
A bird in the hand
is going to poop on you.

And the WINNER and last one!

26
Better late than
Pregnant

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Crazy, Tragic, Almost Magic...

2009-03-27T15:44:00.000-07:00

I love this crazy loco life. Where do I begin?

Hmmm... we ALMOST traded in our car this week. For those of you not in the know, we're all kinds of crazy upside down on our car. We bought it new. Then, my kids jumped full force into thrashing it with all their might. There's a scratch that circles the entire car right at the same height of my son's handle bars on his bike. It's been puked in, peed in, I've lost track of the amount of spills... (WHY do teachers always send home these adorable little seedlings in yogurt containers full of wet potting soil?) I was detailing it in preparation for the trade in and I thought, "If my car knew that it was going to a better family it would probably clean itself."

So, we should have known better when a dealer in Seattle told us he could swing us an AMAZING deal that sounded too good to be true. Take the trade in? Sure, no problem! You don't want to put a down payment? None needed! Oh yeah, we have several vehicles that match what you're looking for and cheap too! We faxed him all of our paperwork and he said we were pre-approved & the monthly payments would be less than our current car payment. We made the hour and a half drive to the "big city" as soon as we loaded the kids on to the school bus on Tuesday.

We were excited to hurry out and see the vehicles in person when we got there, but he whisked us into his office promising we could check the inventory out later. He set a sizable pile of paperwork in front of us. We didn't quite understand why he wanted us to fill out the same papers twice if we were already preapproved but whatever... Then he asked how much we wanted to put down. We reminded him that he had said zero down. He alternated between making no eye contact and long, blinkless, creepy amounts of eye contact. He explained that he couldn't take the car as a trade in unless we put a big down payment AND tacked the difference on to the next loan resulting in gigantic monthly payments.

"Okay, no thanks then." we said and prepared to go home.

Then, he changed his story. All of the sudden, he COULD give us the original deal he had promised. He finally agreed to let us see some vehicles. Now, on the Internet they had a whole other inventory than the one we were now seeing. We were supposed to believe that all of the mini-vans that we had seen online had magically been sold the night before. (In this economy? ALL of them just like that? Yeah, right.) We test drove a few (although the salesman preferred to just circle the block. Good sign there...) He was desperately trying to talk us into an Excursion and while I totally dug the fact that it had NINE seats, that whole 8 miles per gallon thing wasn't cutting it. Not to mention, it was a diesel and diesel currently costs more than gas, so... no deal! Then, we test drove my dream car. It was a GORGEOUS, fully loaded Yukon with 8 seats, flip down DVD player, Bose stereo system... I could go on. I wanted it. BAD. Suddenly, I didn't care about gas mileage anymore. I was chanting, "I don't drive much anyway." in my head. I'm a stay at home mom. No need to commute = no need for commuter car, right?

So, it was a very sad day when the dealer said that the only way that we could finance the Yukon was if we keep the car. I sat there crunching numbers in my head, trying to justify having both vehicle payments. Sure, one of them would just be sitting there unused most of the time, but... what's paying a few hundred dollars a month for a vehicle you don't even drive, right? I'd put a for sale sign on the car, but once again... Same reason we can't trade it in: no one's gonna be willing to pay enough to balance out what we owe on it.

That dealer though... Man, was he persistent. He had a whole bunch of ideas up his sleeve for how we could "make it work". One of them included a series of bounced checks. No kidding. Now, ordinarily, there's a certain amount of people skills required to work with the public. Alienating your customers is typically frowned upon. I think this guy considered that part of Sales 101 though. He basically called us stupid right to our faces for not agreeing that his plans were genius. The hubby and I went over our budget and discussed in depth what we could cut and what we couldn't. The dealer (a divorced bachelor) insisted that we didn't need to spend so much on groceries and household items. Apparently, he didn't realize that there is in fact a different dollar amount for a family of six than for a family of one. He actually said, "You couldn't possibly spend that much on laundry soap and toilet paper each month. Just buy one ply." I have 4 kids. One ply or not, Costco sized cases of TP are a big expense around here.

In the end, the reality was that we really need to be putting money in savings and stocking up on food storage, etc. Slapping a few thousand down for a down payment and dishing out an extra car payment each month felt a little like standing in the middle of a windstorm with a pile of cash in the palm of my open hand. Hours into our negotiations the hubby and I looked at each other and said, "Let's go." and stood up and walked toward our car. Our burden. Our learning experience. Our dependable, fuel efficient little car full of scars to remember by. The dealer followed us, screaming like an angry toddler that didn't get his way, "I thought you wanted a bigger vehicle! Good luck cramming your family into that thing! Thanks for wasting my time!" I expected to be disappointed on that car ride home, but it was the opposite. I was proud that we had made the right choice. We laughed like crazy at the lunacy of that car dealer that was most likely a coke head from the look of things. And we were content in the knowledge that we actually already had what we needed and that life isn't about getting what you want but appreciating that you have what you need.

Goodnight Sweetheart...

2009-03-16T21:09:00.000-07:00

I just love the phenomenon that is bedtime. No other time of day (although trying to get out the door to school is a close second) can get me so riled up. Okay, homework time gets under my skin too. (Wow, what's happening to me? I used to be so CALM...) Well, anyway... You know, it's not the going to bed part that's so upsetting. That part is glorious. It's the fact that my kids know just how to pull my strings and I fall for it every time. I mean, seriously, all 4 kids just HAVE to get out of bed to have a BM as soon as I've tucked them in every night? Then there are the drinks... and somebody always cries that they're starving... and don't forget the monsters. Brooke won't rest until I've checked out every shadow, nook, and cranny in her bed room & said double prayers to make sure those evil monsters and bad guys won't get her. I put them to bed at eight and here it is quarter after nine and guess what? I don't hear snoring. None. I would really be berating myself about this if it weren't for the fact that this is so classic. I know we're not the only home in America with kids who try to push the bedtime limits. I sure tried it with my mom. But still... Can't a mom get some peace?

A Stalker & A Thief

2009-03-11T10:44:00.000-07:00

I have been watching you. Sure, occasionally I leave a comment and let you know that I was there. Most of the time though, I just silently stalk. I laugh out loud, but mostly in my head. If you don't have a good stat tracker, you probably don't even realize that I was there at all. Creepy, right?

I've been trying to post something so that you could come by and silently (but preferably loudly) stalk me too. I told myself that I wasn't going to post anything until I thought of something REALLY funny though. Thing is, you can't force funny. What's the saying? A watched pot never boils? Yeah, same thing. When I try to be funny, all that comes out is my feelings on politics and the economy & book reviews. Yawn.

So, I've been reading your stuff and cracking up. Laughter is such good therapy. And I REALLY need therapy. I feel like such a taker. I just take, take, take, take, take, take, take... (in my head take is pronounced to sound like that Pac-Man sound. Can you hear it?) I was over at Melissa's blog & decided to steal this idea:

She googled her name with the word Luckily in front of it. So, being the taker I am, I did too and came up with this:

Luckily, Natalie underwent a haircut and scrubbed up pretty well.

Well, thank goodness! You can all thank me later.

Natalie has a robe on at the start of this set, but it doesn’t stay on for long! ;). Luckily Natalie is a pro at hiding her nipples!

That's what happens when you breastfed 4 kids for over a year each. You become a pro at hiding those babies!

Luckily, Natalie isn't the only person in the group having problems. Charlye is being criticized for unlearning how to dance overnight which brings us back ...

I'm glad I'm not the only one and Charlye, I'll just dance right next to you to make you look good, okay?

Luckily, Natalie's very cool and didn't bat an eye when the person behind her cut off mid-hum and dropped the f-bomb with an angry shriek. ...

Yeah, I'm cool like that. I'd like to thank my husband for desensitizing me to that word so that I don't have to even bat an eye anymore.

No - but later in the show they had Natalie receiving messages from the deer head hanging on the wall. Luckily Chelsia can't kill the deer. ...

What you guys didn't know that I could communicate with taxidermy animals? I'm planning on getting my own reality show about it.

Luckily...Natalie noticed a police officer walk in.) Natalie- "Officer...we would really love some pizza. Could you please drive us to the Get 'N' Go?" ...

I have those boys in blue wrapped around my little finger.

Luckily, Natalie didn't see me because that would have led her to our camp site. Not good. I have to admit Natalie camping next to us was rather amusing. ...

I hear that I have that effect on my fellow campers. I'm not sure if it's the fact that my kids can put the tent up better than I can or that I accidentally use cascara branches to roast marshmallows on...

Luckily its already written. You get to meet Natalie's insane mother (this should be fun). ...

Well, where did you think I got it from anyway?

Thanks, Melissa! And the rest of you keep being funny so I can steal stuff from you too.

To Thine Own Self Be True

2009-03-05T00:28:00.000-08:00

So, the truth is that I have always secretly cringed a little bit when someone makes a comment about "finding themselves". It's not that I have any problem with the concept of knowing yourself, on the contrary... I've never "got" why people didn't know themselves to begin with. For instance... treking around Europe. Sounds like a fun-filled adventure, but WHY call it "finding yourself", you know? Did you really not have any clue of who you were in America? You're with yourself 24/7, all up in your own head and it takes some sort of catalyst to help you discover the person that's been there the whole time? That said, I'm actually starting to "get" it a little. Even though I've always had a strong sense of self and have never had the urge to go searching for Natalie, I've gotta say that this year I've sort of begun to come into my own more than ever.

A while ago, I blogged about this underlying sense that something was off / wrong / going to happen. Let's just say that A LOT has happened, most of which I unfortunately can't blog about because of other people's privacy, etc. HATE that! It's funny how when you frame your life in a different light things start to look a little different. If I had gone on forever without anything rocking the boat, I may never have realized certain things. For starters, what I will & won't settle for. Sure, I've always known my likes / dislikes. It's just that when you're stuck in a rut, you don't always notice what is dispensable & what you are willing to fight to the end for. It's all just sort of THERE. Like white noise.

While I certainly haven't had an epiphany of near death magnitude or anything, I can definitely say that I know now that I have neglected a lot of things over the years. One of the safer subjects to use as an example is my health. I didn't set off in to my twenties thinking, "I want to put on some weight!" I just let it happen. A night of sitting on my butt watching movies and eating Ben & Jerry's here, a day of taking the kids to the park and sitting on a bench reading while they played instead of running around myself and then stopping for an ice cream cone on the way home there... 5 or 10 lbs. a year sneaks up you like a thief in the night. And even though my actions (like bringing the fork to the mouth) were big contributors, my biggest problem was my INACTION. You see, I am nothing if not complacent. I am practically a professional at compromising, making excuses, and letting things roll off my back.

One of the first steps to success is a word director's say all the time: Action!

I've decided that my 30th birthday present to myself is going to be becoming more pro-active. I feel like, "Heck, I'm turning 30. I'm mature. There's no reason to allow negativity in my life when I'm capable of doing something about it." So, I'm going to speak up when things don't sit right with me. I'm going to take care of my self mentally, spiritually, and physically. Life's too short to not be true to yourself.

A Wee Irish Lass

2009-03-03T09:00:00.000-08:00

I LOVE interesting questions. For instance, someone asked me why I updated my blog in celebration of St. Patrick's day after writing an anti-Valentine's post (as if I am anti- all non major Holidays.) Interesting observation. You see, I LIKE St. Patrick's Day. In all honesty, I really like all things Irish, but that's neither here nor there. Growing up with red hair, I always loved throwing on some green for St. Patrick's Day and feeling sorta leprechaunish (except for that one year when I decided to skip the green since I thought getting pinched sounded fun. Hindsight is 20/20.) My love grew a few years ago when I was homeschooling Lane.

Homeschooling was a big adventure. I wasn't sure if I was capable, but even his teacher suggested I try it since conventional schooling wasn't working for him whatsoever. Going into it, I knew that if I depended on workbooks and pencil and paper learning it was going to be a wash. I had to make it more interesting for him. So, I got really into themes & tried to make learning a big game. Towards the end of February, we began our unit on Ireland. For a month, I printed out what worksheets we did use on green paper. I sent away for posters and maps from Ireland's tourism industry. We researched how kids in Ireland did school and we pretended like we were a schoolhouse in Ireland when we were doing our work. Required reading was any book that took place in Ireland (you can ALWAYS count on Magic Treehouse to have something geared towards the elementary school set that fits in with your theme thank goodness!) All of our story problems were about Irish things like: If the O'Malley's have 4 lbs. of potatoes and...

The Grand Summit of our theme was when we made a traditional St. Patrick's day dinner & invited his grandparents over for it. All week leading up to the dinner, we worked on our menu. Math was doing cost comparisons to see which grocery store was the best place to get our supplies and then figuring out how much we needed to buy & how much it was all going to cost to make an Irish dinner for 8 people (answer: super cheap!) Then, we mixed & measured & poured. We had fun sampling a variety of cheeses and herb butters that are traditional in Ireland with our corned beef, cabbage, and potatoes (and green kool-aid, of course, however nontraditional that may be.) Then, Lane presented his report on the history and geography of Ireland. It was a lot of fun.

We're not homeschooling anymore and I have to say, when something like St. Patty's day rolls around and reminds me of how much fun we had I sort of miss it. I guess I could try to incorporate more of those semi-educational experiences in our day to day life, but public school already takes up so much time & energy. There really is something magical about homeschooling.

Tween Transitions

2009-03-02T12:20:00.000-08:00

Have I told you lately that I feel old? Really, REALLY old? Yeah, that's what happens when you have children entering adolescence. Welcome to puberty, Hensley family! It's that time in life when kids sprout up, fill out, and maybe even mouth off. Yay! The crazy thing is that we expected it to be hitting with Lane since he's only 8 months away from being a full fledged teen. His greasy hair and squeaky voice didn't surprise us at all. Tatton did though. He's exactly two years younger than Lane and sure enough, he's got the same symptoms. Plus, he's moodier, utterly angst filled. Thankfully, the kid totally digs science, so I was able to explain it all to him very technically and every time he starts to drive me crazy I can say (feel free to tune out on this part):

"Your hypothalmus is releasing gnRH which travels to the pituitary gland releasing two more hormones (LH & FSH.) Your gray matter is growing rapidly especially in the frontal lobe which is the control center for "executive functions" like planning, impulse control, and reasoning. So, of course, sometimes things seem a little off balance. As complex as technology has become no man made machine or system can quite match the complexity of the human brain."

I usually ramble on like that until I see his eyes get good and glazed over. Sometimes it takes longer than others. I like when it takes hardly any time at all. Easier that way. I'm really not prepared for this though! There are two kinds of moms: the ones who relish the baby stage and gleefully read Dr. Seuss books and sing along to The Wiggles and the kind that I'm not. I admire those moms... the ladies who don't mind playing taxi for sports and orthodontist appointments and all of the other stuff that is too much for any calendar to hold. The people who don't think it's disturbing to buy their kid's razors and shaving cream. When I was driving my 10 year old son to a sleepover birthday party, it occured to me that even though we had talked about drugs and alcohol several times over the years, he may not know about huffing and so I had to talk to him about that. I can't believe my baby's old enough that I have to give him lectures on the dangers of huffing before I drop him off at a friend's house! (Or that he is old enough to roll his eyes and say, "Duh, Mom! I'm way smarter than to damage my brain like that. Why would I breathe in toxic fumes on purpose? DUH!") Notice that his statement began AND ended with a DUH? This is scary territory.

So, I'm controlling what I CAN control. I'm making sure that my boys get the extra nutrition that they need right now. You can tell a mom who's grasping for control when you see the lady reading labels on every box in the grocery store & cramming omega-3 fatty acid capsules down her kids' throats. I'm reading books that remind me to be firm yet fair and I'm trying to show them that I believe they're responsible by setting realistically high expectations and holding them accountable. I'm scheduling constructive family time, especially activities that work all of their newfound tension & aggression out by using their large muscle groups (I decided that it's worth it to sign up for that YMCA membership now.) And most of all, more than anything, I'm saying my prayers and thanking Heavenly Father that I have a few more years until my daughter goes through puberty and that I don't have to deal with bra shopping or menstrual cycles YET. This parenting, it's heavy stuff.

I need ten thousand angels.

What Daddies Do Best

2009-02-27T10:48:00.001-08:00

I have had an epiphany. My life CAN go on without me. You see, I'm a prideful little thing and I have been operating under the assumption that I am the only one capable of doing what I do. Not so. Turns out my husband & children are far more capable than I have ever given them credit for. Last week, I developed a horrible kidney infection and ended up in the hospital. As I lay in that hospital bed, I was panicking about all of the things that I was supposed to do that week. It's a horrible feeling to be so sick that it's impossible to live up to the expectations that you put on yourself. I was certain that it was the end of the world as we knew it. Then, Daddy stepped up.

My husband isn't usually the splitting the housework / cooking / kids stuff responsibilities sort of guy. We have a fairly old fashioned dynamic. He prefers for me to stay home and let him handle the bread winning thing largely because he doesn't want to have to come home after work and work more. It's just convenient for me to stay home and make a mad attempt at domesticity. Ordinarily, I'm happy with the set-up. I've never been too worried about the evils of stereotyping or the women's rights agenda. Most days it just seems like we're both doing what we're best at and balancing our partner out. The only time that I get bent out of shape about it at all is when for some reason the thought, "What if I died?" runs through my head and I freak out at the thought of my husband being left with our four children and no mommy to supervise.

It's times like that when I spring random comments on him like, "Do you even know where the kids' doctor's office is?!" as the poor guy nervously backs away, cornered by my accusation that he couldn't ever hold it together without me. In my mind, it's a sad, sad scenario without me and I picture my children starving and filthy in the hands of the man who knows not the name of their home room teacher or the proper dosage of Tylenol to give them. Don't get me wrong, he's a great dad. He's just always been the fun one. He's the one who comes home from work and plays video games with them and comes up with the best ideas for building cool snow forts. He doesn't need to know if they're up to date on their vaccines or where I keep the birth certificates because I've always selfishly taken care of all of that. From the outside looking in, I've realized that I'm a control freak, a workaholic without a job with a monetary paycheck. All these years, it wasn't that he couldn't do it. It was that I never backed off enough to let him steal my glory.

The thing about being a stay at home mom, you don't really have a lot of chances to shine. Sure, I can pat myself on the back on the rare occasion that my kitchen floor is sparkly clean or I make my way to the bottom of the laundry pile. Overall though, it's a lonely, boring, thankless job. The only sources of pride and accomplishment that I really have come from watching my kids be healthy and happy or having my husband tell me that dinner was delicious. So, I grasp on to every little morsel of power that I can. I plan menus to ensure that all nutritional bases are covered and I volunteer in classrooms so that both the school and my kids get the message that I DO care about their education. I buy a plethora of books & subscribe to Highlights and National Geographic kids and Boys Life so that I can pat myself on the back knowing that they're reading. It's all really a little over the top & ridiculous once I've stepped back and looked at it.

So, it took me well over a week to get well enough to have energy to even get out of bed in the morning to get the kids off to school. I didn't know how they would manage to get on the bus on time or how on earth they would have a successful day at school without me making them a protein shake or helping them match their outfits. I was sure that home work wouldn't make it into backpacks and that by the end of the week they wouldn't even have any clean clothes to wear at all. Boy, was I wrong. Everything flowed beautifully. When they came home in the afternoon, I was amazed at how NICE they looked. What's more, my house looked nice too. All week long, I never lifted a finger and somehow my dishes got done. I never even heard any nagging or arguing. The kids did their homework. They brushed their teeth. Dustin took them all to the potluck for Tatton's soccer team (and made the food to bring) and took Brooke to the daddy-daughter dance. He not only fed them well, but delivered meals to me and made extra trips to the grocery store whenever I ran out of cranberry juice or anything else. He refilled prescriptions at the pharmacy. The only thing I noticed missing was the stress. When I do everything that he did, I'm running around like a chicken with my head cut off. We're always rushing and I'm always nagging. I hate to say it, but I think he MAY be better at my job than I am. Surprisingly, that makes me happy.

My epiphany is that I've been way over complicating things. All of these years of futilely chasing supermom status has been silly. It's nice to know that I can afford to get sick and that my family will survive. While Dustin has happily slid back into his breadwinner role as I've gotten healthier, it's nice to know that I'm doing what I'm doing voluntarily to make his life easier and not because he's incapable of it. And I really appreciate what a good job he did of taking care of me when I was sick.

Valentine's Schmalentines- Why I Want To Boycott

2009-02-12T11:18:00.000-08:00

Don't ask me why, but I'm SO annoyed that Valentine's Day is this weekend. I just want it to go away. I tried singing "Valentine's Day Go Away" to the tune of Rain, Rain Go Away but obviously the meter was off. So, here's what I'm thinking...

A. If my hubby decides to spontaneously bring me flowers or chocolates or take me out to dinner on any random day, I am charmed at his romantic gesture and think, "He loves me! He REALLY loves me!" If he feels pressured into forking over hard earned cash on marked up flowers because the calendar says that it's the day when all people are supposed to write their paychecks over to Hershey's and Hallmark? Not so romantic.

B. I have 4 kids. Which means that there are 4 class parties involving purchasing & addressing cards & candy for their peers & teachers and sending in treats so that they can eat themselves into a sugar high meets belly ache right before riding the school bus home to me just in time for their blood sugar levels to crash and the tantrums to ensue.

Plus, in the latest sign of our hard times, recent retail polls indicate Americans are going to spend less on Valentine's Day this year.

Say it ain't so.

In the middle of a soul-crushing recession, with dire economic news unleashed upon us every day, the bad news is that Americans are expected to shell out a mere $14.7 billion on romantic gifts this weekend.

Stop me if I sound stupid, but why are we spending one red cent on this so-called holiday -- especially right now? Believe me, there are better ways to share the love and smarter ways to spend your money.

Materialism run amok...

I have nothing against romance, love, sex, frilly red hearts or an excuse to eat chocolate (mmmm... CHOCOLATE...)

The problem is that Valentine's Day, like many other American occasions, has grown from being a celebration that once aspired to some meaning, to being a trashy, materialistic extravaganza.

Think about how much pressure there is to participate:

Every schoolchild, practically, is expected to make or send cards to their classmates or bring treats to class. I just spent $26.00 on stuff for my kids' class celebrations. My two older boys were like, "Uh- Mom? Do I really have to give even the boys in my class cards that say I love them? Isn't that sorta creepy?" Luckily, I found snack size Snickers bars that just say To: & From: in lieu of the usual sappy, cutesy variety. You can't go wrong with a Snickers bar. They say, "I love you as a friend, Man." more than "Be mine.", you know?

Some single women feel so left out on Valentine's Day that they've been known to send flowers to themselves, so they won't look like losers. As if the absence of a bouquet or the baggage of a significant other should really tattoo "LOSER" on your forehead. How sad is that?

And don't assume couples are happier: For many, Valentine's Day is a yearly excuse to have a nasty fight, with partners feeling unloved & neglected . . . because they didn't get a stuffed bear or some candy. Seriously?

It's equations like this that lead millions of consumers to spend $14.7 billion. While the economy is melting way faster than the polar ice caps...

A short history of a dumb day:
What makes this ritual even more puzzling is that Valentine's Day doesn't even have a good story (see: Christmas, Thanksgiving and the Fourth of July) or spooky ghosts and pumpkins. In fact, we don't even know the real story for sure.

Valentine's Day is simply put big business.
Basically, throughout the millennia, February was always a slow shopping month. Then, because a couple of early Christian martyrs (both named Valentine?) might have died for love, a holiday emerged.

I'm not making this up.
A priest secretly married lovers in defiance of a Roman emperor's decree and supposedly was executed for it.

Another man, as legend has it, was rejected by his mistress, and -- you'll like this -- he carved out his own heart and gave it to her. Yech.

Somehow, about 1,700 years later, we're stuck spending gobs of money on predetermined displays of "romance."

So, here's what I'm thinking: if it's really the romance that you're looking for, give each other massages. It's free. Or you could always buy a pint of whipping cream for two dollars. I doubt I need to elaborate further. Take care of a chore that your loved one doesn't love doing for them so that they don't have to. Take the time to really have a conversation with each other. Curl up on the couch and watch a movie together. Make a concious effort to incorporate romance and gestures of affection into your every day life 365 days a year and don't stress out about making a commercialized, hyped up "holiday" into an unrealistic one day event full of too high expectations and flowers that die right about the time that you get the credit card bill for them.

And if you really need further inspiration:

Updated Repost: In Memory

2009-02-09T17:20:00.000-08:00

So, today was my grandpa's memorial service. Well, technically his THIRD memorial service (two in Arizona & now the family one up here in Washington.) The man was well loved. It was a beautiful service. I had two favorite parts. First, I thought it was amazing to hear people speak about him & I was amused that several things that I had said about him in my blog were what other people remembered most about him too. My cousin spoke and Oh My Goodness! Was it touching. He described my grandpa to a tee and I wanted to jump out of my seat screaming, "YES! I remember that about him too! Wasn't he awesome?!"

Then, my grandpa had prepared for this. He made a DVD. Going to someone's funeral and then hearing their voice is a crazy thing. The dvd started off with him reading poetry that he had written (beautiful!) with his paintings as a background. Then, several pictures from when he was a very young man to just this last summer. It was great to see a ton of family that I haven't seen in a while and just to hear every one share about grandpa. It was brought to my attention that apparently more people are aware of my blog than I knew and several people had read my tribute to him. So, I decided to repost it so that the family members who were alerted to it didn't have to wade through a couple of weeks worth of posts to find it. So, here it is again:

The world lost a wonderful man yesterday. One of thee best men I've ever known actually. If I had to say what's shaped me into the person that I am today, having my grandparents in my life was possibly the biggest contributor. My grandpa didn't have an easy life, but he made it a fabulous one. In his book Daddy Your Shoes Didn't Fit My Feet, he shares with the world glimpses of his life story (as much of it as you can fit into under 200 pages anyway.) There's no doubt that he was a survivor. The saying "Out of difficulties grow miracles" is one way to describe his life. A lot of people allow themselves to be broken down and quit in the face of adversity. My grandpa used it as a tool to make himself into an inspirational motivator to those around him.

Growing up in the hills of Kentucky, my grandpa lost his father to a heart attack. His dad was only 38 years old and my grandpa was 11. That loss changed the dynamic of their family forever and the next several years would prove to be painful and terrifying for the family. After leaving home at a young age, my grandpa used his persistence and hard work to build himself the life he had always wanted. He proved to be quite the entrepreneur and was running a successful logging company (among other side ventures in real estate and such) when he started having chest pain at age 36. After running tests for the next few months, the doctors gave him a grim verdict: he had severe artery disease and if they did bypass surgery (which was brand new in 1970) that he would probably die on the operating table. They said he most likely only had about 6 months to live. In his usual "grab life by the horns" fashion, he set to work trying to get things in order for his wife and 4 kids. He didn't want to leave them with the same stresses and struggles that his family had faced when his own father had died.

It was then that my grandpa learned a valuable lesson. He sold his prestigious home in town and simplified their life. By being forced to slow down & downsize because of his health, he was able to realize something. Page 138 in his book says:

"The next few months taught me a valuable lesson. Happiness isn't found in prestige houses, big bank accounts, shiny new cars, or diamonds and silk cloth. Happiness is having peace within. It comes when we can accept who we are inside and are willing to trade worldly wealth for quiet time with your wife. It's when you relax before a fireplace while rocking a child that you helped bring into this world and let the sound of his rhythmic breathing bring peace to one's soul. It comes when you walk hand in hand with your five and six year olds, while the sun is dropping behind the evergreen trees, and you don't feel rushed when you stop and watch the hard working ants drag cuttings of cherry tree leaves. He doesn't seem to know where home is. The leaf is much bigger than he is, but he wants it all. I had spent much of my life like the little ant."

I feel so blessed to have come into my grandpa's world after he knew all of this, because all I ever knew of him was a man that acted as if he had all the time in the world to spend with me and made me feel like the greatest treasure. He had this gift for making you feel like you were his favorite person in the world & that you were a person of worth with talents and a purpose. I've never had self-esteem issues and I'm sure alot of that is because of his unconditional love since the day I was born (and technically before because I've read a love letter he wrote to my mom when she was pregnant with me that made it clear that he loved me even before I was born.) For a long time, with the way that he praised me and spoiled me, I thought that I was certainly his favorite. As I got older, I looked around and realized that that was just the way he treated everybody. He was always taking people under his wing and building people up. Now, I frequently run into people who ask, "How are your grandparents doing?" and they tell me how my grandparents have helped them get through a difficult time of some sort or enriched their life one way or another. "If it hadn't been for your grandparents..." is something I hear alot.

I have so many awesome memories of spending time with him. He loved to garden and always grew berries for us. When I eat a warm strawberry off the vine, I think of him. He also loved to fish, and I can't eat smoked salmon without thinking of him either. I remember spending the night at their house, he would always make me a special breakfast and so I also think of him when I think of omelets or waffles. There are so many memories of him tied into food. I think because like everything else he did, he just poured so much love into it. It wasn't really that he was giving me food so much as feeding my soul. Over the years, he became an amazing painter and his eye for beauty and love of nature are documented in his many paintings.

He didn't get much education growing up in Kentucky & Virginia, but he was absolutely one of the smartest people I've ever known and he loved learning. He was always up for a conversation and our talks would usually turn to the subject of goals and how smart he thought I was. He was so proud to see his kids and grand kids succeed and he always made it clear that he knew I had the brains to do anything I wanted in life. I still believe that and I'm so thankful that he instilled that confidence in me. The first mail that I ever received was when I was in preschool and my grandparents went to Arizona for the winter. I loved getting my "love letters" from my grandpa. He taught me so many life skills. Things like how to really talk to someone, how to look someone in the eye and truly listen. He showed me how to care about what people are saying and to have a servant's heart to help them if they need it. The first time I ever drove a vehicle was with him too. One afternoon, he just stopped by my house and said, "Do you wanna go for a ride?" and tossed me the keys. I was so nervous driving his truck, but he was patient as I swerved back and forth over the center line at 10 MPH, just casually talking the whole time and giving me the occasional pointer on driving.

Yesterday was my grandma's 70th birthday. My grandpa had begun planning for it over a month ago. He had arranged for all 4 of their kids to fly down and surprise her. I don't know if he knew then that he was going to pass away, but I wouldn't doubt it. I am shocked and amazed at the poetry of the way that he held on until all 4 of his kids were there and had a chance to say good-bye and be there to support my grandma. I have never known anyone else so capable of willing themselves to live. It was 39 years ago that they told him that he had about 6 months left. He has endured through heart attacks and strokes and heart surgeries over the years and has lost almost all of his siblings to heart disease in that time.

I'm sad for my grandma. I can't imagine losing your spouse after 53+ years of marriage, but I'm so thankful that our family (and community) had the privilege of having him in our lives for 39 years longer than the doctors told him we would. He passed away with the same dignity and with the same inspirational strength and love that he lived his life.

The work an unknown good man has done is like a vein of water flowing hidden underground, secretly making the ground green.
Thomas Carlyle

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Check Out: Daddy Your Shoes Didn't Fit My Feet by Fred Holbrook

I Love Jesus But I Drink A Little- as seen on Ellen

2009-02-07T10:00:00.000-08:00

This is a must watch! I seriously laughed out loud and I'm telling ya, usually when I say LOL it doesn't really mean out loud! Check it out:

Homework Headaches

2009-02-05T17:01:00.000-08:00

Dear Blog,

Good mothers work hard to ensure their children's academic success. I aspire to one day be one of those mothers. Right now though, not so much. This week, I've decided that I'm more burnt out on school than I EVER was when I was a student myself. Why is that?

A. Son #1 has never been a fan of school. I accept this. We've done everything that we could think of to convince him otherwise since 1st grade, but sometimes you just have to face it. Some people just hate school with a passion and as a parent you reach a point when you realize, "Hey, I can't FORCE somebody to like something. I can only force him to go." That's it. I've given him rewards for improving his grades and punishments for letting them slip. We've medicated and tutored... the whole nine yards. Honestly, he's doing better now than he ever has (which means we're celebrating his C average) but I can't take a whole lot of credit for his success. He has some fabulous teachers and he's matured a lot this year as well. He still hates writing. As he threw a royal fit over the injustice of having to write a 5 paragraph report the other night, I was utterly perplexed. Doesn't he realize that 5 paragraphs is nothing at all? I write that much on my blog voluntarily. For fun even.

B. Son #2 used to LOVE school. Up until this year, he never had less than straight A's (or S+'s the elementary equivalent of an A.) All of a sudden he's avoiding his schoolwork like a draft dodger in route to Mexico and his report card is sporting (gasp) F's. Here I've spent (I don't want to tell you how much) money over the years on book collections and educational games and science kits to nurture his gifted brain that was frequently bored and now he's decided that it's all "too hard" and won't put in ANY effort. I'm sorry Son, but you can't throw in the towel and drop out in 4th grade. You were born in the wrong era for that. Not to mention, you've spent the previous years of your childhood rubbing salt into your brother's wounds about how you can't believe he struggles in school because it's "so easy" for you. I suppose the fact that his report card is now better than yours should be deemed some sort of justice for your arrogant ways, but I can't get past my frustration with your laziness to truly enjoy the poetry of your brother getting to celebrate pulling in better grades than you for a change. All I know is, I do feel sort of childish for splashing you in the face with that cup of ice water the other night when you were throwing a tantrum about your homework that should have taken 30 minutes tops and you had already extended it into a 3 hour ordeal complete with tears and teeth gnashing while blaming every one but yourself.

C. Son #3 brought home a packet of work that they had done together in the classroom and he had apparently not "gotten". His teacher attached a note, "Mrs. Hensley, Russell doesn't understand this. Please work with him at home." Sure, I can do that. Then, I look through the packet and see that he REALLY didn't understand it. A weeks worth of math worksheets all incorrect. A weeks worth of alphabetical order worksheets also all incorrect. A couple of Scholastic News reports on Barack Obama's inauguration and Martin Luther King, Jr. day looking like Greek to him. So, I'm sitting with him at the kitchen table trying to find a way to explain something that his teacher obviously must have explained already only I don't have a masters in teaching and am wondering how I'm supposed to make it make sense if she couldn't. Somehow, we managed to get it all done (while fighting with Tatton about how he MUST finish his homework... and trying to convince Lane that the 5 paragraph report is NOT as big a deal as he's making it out to be and that he should really just plop down at the table and write it one paragraph at a time... and practicing reading with Brooke...)

I'm just trying to figure out how when I was a kid, I managed to go to school, pull in good grades fairly effortlessly (I don't remember shedding all these tears that I'm seeing from my kids now) and still had time to run around outside climbing trees and riding bikes on my evenings and weekends? I don't remember my parents spending hours upon hours with me coaching me on reports and nagging me about all of the homework in my 30 lb. backpack. In fact, I don't remember having a backpack that caused chiropractor visits at all. So, when did this happen? When did it change so that my adult years now involve more schoolwork than my childhood ever seemed to? When did my kids stop having time to play and why does it seem we barely have any time to have a life outside of school unless their grades suffer for it? Grrr- maybe I was naive when I went into this parenting thing, but I'll tell you what: I never anticipated being this burnt out & exhausted from educating my kiddos and I would have never guessed that I'd have a kid who required anti-anxiety meds to go to school. Here our nation is in the middle of a childhood obesity epidemic and my kids are being held in at recess to catch up on missing assignments and doing even more schoolwork instead of physical activities on their evenings and weekends. I kind of doubt that their brains are even retaining any of it anyway since they're so burnt out themselves. That's my family planning motivation right there. Even though I'm a baby crazed mama who would LOVE to have more kids, I KNOW that I don't have the time or the energy for another one because I'm already so stressed and busy trying to keep up with the schoolwork for the ones I have. When you start getting so stressed over your child's homework that you break down and toss a glass of ice water on his tear streaked, whiny face, it's a good sign that you're incapable of handling more offspring and that MAYBE you shouldn't have had quite as many as you had in the first place.

More Than You Wanted To Know

2009-02-02T08:49:00.000-08:00

I HATE my reproductive system. That's right, Guys. I'm going there. Turn the channel NOW. You've been warned. You see, lately, I've been having some issues & I'm getting really sick of it and REALLY moody. (I'm guessing those of you who have been here before may have noticed that I've referred to my husband and my lack of appreciation for his "innocent" comments in my last TWO posts.) People who know me in "real life" can attest to my typically easy going personality. I'm NOT someone who's known for biting people's heads off on a regular basis. I just can't seem to help myself lately though.

You see, for the last six months I have been ON my period WAY more than I have been off of it. And I DON'T have easy periods. I have multi-weeks long events featuring heavy bleeding that causes me to gush through my clothes at the most inopportune times, double over in pain, pass out from the blood loss, and get blinding migraines... It's great. Makes me LOVE being a female. I finally made a visit (which turned into four visits) to my girl doctor. She put me on mega doses of birth control to regulate things. It didn't regulate things though. All it did was turn me into a crazy woman with anger management issues. A woman who flys into a fit of rage when she realizes that not only is she slaving away for a super bowl party that she didn't plan on, but now she's gotten ANOTHER visit from Aunt Flo when Aunt Flo just left last week...AND she already has a miserable head cold... AND her guests just showed up a couple of hours earlier than she expected... NOT good.

I feel a teeny tiny bit bad for my husband, because for all of the almost thirteen years that we've been married, I've embraced our opposites attract thing. For the last several weeks, I have so reached my breaking point over what used to be no big deal that I've let words like "divorce" slip out. On Saturday, when he was skiing with his buddies while I was getting ready for HIS party, I was seething. The whole time that I was vacuuming, I was thinking, "I'm done. This is it. He'll be sorry." Blah. Blah. Blah. Then, he would call & check in and when I heard his voice my heart would melt and I suddenly wasn't as angry anymore. That is, until I got off of the phone with him and realized what just happened and got even angrier that he has some sort of witch doctor voodoo that he uses to make me adore him when I just WANT to be mad at him. How dare he make me less mad just like that, right?

The thing is, I know that if just talking to him on the phone for a couple of minutes can remind me of how much I actually like the guy, I know that I'm an over reacting, hormonal basket case and that I really just need to get this under control before I do anything TOO drastic. I probably shouldn't be throwing words like divorce around until Aunt Flo goes away at least. Seriously, she is one of those guests that just will not leave though! I have no idea what to do. I mean, I wish we were at least in one of those cultures where women are expected to go away to the river during that time. (Okay, not really... but a hotel with a bubble bath, chocolate, and a free pass to make the world go away until I was ready for it would suffice.)

He Said What?!

2009-01-31T10:06:00.000-08:00

When I was pregnant with Lane, my husband was known to make "innocent" comments that just sounded WRONG. (Okay, you got me, he STILL does that.) Early on in the first trimester, Dustin (who was 19 at the time and still a long, lanky young man who actually had some pretty hot, defined muscles but had always wanted MORE muscles) said: "Hey, maybe if our baby is a boy he'll get my height and your thickness and be a linebacker." That's right. My thickness. I remembered this comment the other day when we were having trouble finding the boys new pants that fit. Lane didn't get that "thickness" and like his father before him, he swam in the 14 regulars he tried on and we were debating on whether mandatory belts or slim fit was the best course of action. Tatton and Russell on the other hand... Well, let's just say that they couldn't get their respective pants to button up. So, we ventured into the Husky section. Tatton has been sensitive in the whole body image department lately and I felt the need to give him a dressing room pep talk. I told him about how my brothers (all buff & stand out athletes, etc.) had to wear huskies. I remember them (right at Tatton's age) putting on a little pudge around the middle right before they hit puberty and got tall and muscly. That was when I had my "Oh..." moment and realized that my sons had indeed gotten my "thickness" that their father had requested. Word to the wise though Guys, even if made in the spirit of future football hopes, NEVER call your wife THICK, okay?

During that same pregnancy, Dustin also said, "Hey, our baby might be a white person like you, huh?" Um, excuse me? I mean, we're both white, so I don't really know what that even means... He clarified. "No, I mean REALLY white like you. I hope he's got my coloring." Oh, do you now? Well, I feel pretty, thanks. For those of you who don't know, Lane did indeed turn out to be a white person just like me. Lane and I both come in two color options: pasty white bordering on translucent and lobster red when exposed to the sun. In the skin department we seemed to split as a family 50/50. 3 of us are "white people" and the other 3 can stay in the sun for HOURS just getting bronzed and bronzer. Ultimately, I agree with Dustin now. I kind of wish that all of the kids had gotten his coloring. Worrying your child is going to get a blistering sunburn because they've been outside for 15 minutes and you forgot to put sunblock on them is not nearly as nice as having kids that never seem to burn whatsoever. I'm sure the two kids who got my skin tone would have preferred to have skipped having access to that part of my DNA. Poor Lane, between his OCD issues with worrying about being sick and his history of sunburns, he's been giving himself skin cancer checks since he was 6. "Uh, Mom- does this mole look like it's suspicious to you?!" is something I hear a lot.

Well, I guess I'd better go clean some more. :-( I hear I'm having a Super Bowl party at my house tomorrow. Don't get me wrong. I like watching the Super Bowl too. (Okay, okay, I don't LOVE football, but I like the food and commercials.) I just have no idea how I had absolutely nothing to do with the planning of this little shindig and yet I'm doing the cooking & cleaning for it... ??? It snuck up on me and morphed into something WAY bigger than I expected. It started off a few days ago when Dustin said, "Oh, I was planning on having a couple guys over to watch the game." I said, "Okay, cool." Next thing I knew, our guest list had multiplied faster than rabbits. Everybody is bringing friends and their friends are apparently bringing friends... I don't even KNOW most of these people. When I made a begrudging comment about it to Mr. Wonderful he said I was being anti-social and snobby. I'd like to make a statement: The correct term is LAZY. I just don't like having to do extra cooking and cleaning, thank you. It takes energy to entertain and make conversation with people you barely know.

I've decided that my 30th Birthday present to myself is going to be learning how to be assertive and speak my mind more often. We've already established that I'm thick, pale white, and snobby. I don't see how throwing bossy into the mix could really hurt anything.

Damaged Goods

2009-01-28T11:44:00.000-08:00

Hello. My name is Natalie and I am broken. (You all say: "Hi, Natalie!) I have a few different posts in the drafts department addressing this issue. However, it wasn't until a couple of comments from my hubby this week that I have finally decided to throw this subject out into the blogging universe. I have never broken a bone in my life. I do not have any chipped or cracked nails to speak of. I barely even have any split ends. The harsh reality though... I am utterly broken. For all of my pseudo outer strength, it has become clear that my insides are something like scratched Teflon. Black, things rarely stick, and the few areas that things do stick are because there's some sort of damage that makes me hold on to things that are in fact not supposed to stick. I've "scrubbed' and "scrubbed" to get rid of the stuff that isn't supposed to stick (like priding myself on my lack of tears) in order to make room for the stuff that is (like being able to cry), but sometimes I think that all of that scrubbing is just making my Teflon more scratched. And I really don't want that because as bizarre as some people may think that having a slippery black heart may be, it's REALLY convenient. My Teflon has served me well, People.

They say that admitting to weakness is really a sign of strength. You're supposedly "strong in your vulnerability". So, I envy other people who can just be emotional. I have NO CLUE how to do that. For a long time, I prided myself on my lack of tears. I thought it meant that I could handle anything that came my way. My husband says that it means I'm cold though. I said, "Of course I'm cold! It's freaking 26 degrees out!" He didn't laugh. I guess because I've also always prided myself on laughing things off. Humor helps. Or at least that's what I thought. He just looked at me with this face that said, "You sad, sad, creature. You don't really know how pathetic that is, do you?"

I feel somewhat defensive about these accusations. He makes it sound like he thinks I'm some weird, psychopathic monster. After 13 years of marriage, you would think he would know me better than that! I'm not incapable of love. I can sympathize with the best of them. I just have a tendency to rationalize why things aren't a big deal. Other people allow themselves to be overcome with emotion and act on impulse. When they feel angry, sad, scared, etc. they scream and cry or act out one way or another. I usually just go, "Oh, okay..." and deal. Now, whether the way that I "deal" is healthy or not... I'm not the one to say. It FEELS fine. It apparently freaks my husband out. He listed off a whole bunch of examples of times that I have been inappropriately stoic. Who knew I was scaring people with my lack of emotion?

This week, when my grandpa died, I was sad. I calmly talked to my mom on the phone when she told me, then came out and calmly told Dustin the news. I got out some old pictures and looked through them and then wrote a blog about him. Dustin kept coming up and hugging me tight and (with tears in HIS eyes) surveying my face for some sign of emotional breakdown. After a while, he asked me why I wasn't more upset. I told him because we mourn for those of us that are left behind, not the ones that pass on. My grandpa is in a better place. I think that the hardest losses to take are when you had unfinished business with someone. The wife who just had a fight with her husband and said some cruel words as he drove away before getting in a car wreck. The mother who lost a child and wasn't able to experience all of the stages of raising them. I didn't have any unfinished business with my grandpa though. I had already gotten more love and support from him than a lot of people receive in a lifetime. I have nothing but gratitude for the time that I did have with him. So, why would I NEED to put on a big display of grief?

Now, Dustin is concerned that I may not cry at his own funeral (barring an unexpected turn of events resulting in unfinished business, of course.) He pointed out that he's never seen me cry at a funeral. I NEVER cry during movies. I NEVER cry when I get bad news. So, he thinks it's probable that my eyes will be dry when he dies. Obviously, I can't predict how I would react, but I'm assuming that losing my spouse would probably spur tears. But even if I DIDN'T cry... that doesn't mean I loved him any less. It probably just means that I'm mentally checking off all of the reasons why it's going to be okay & making mental notes of all the things that I appreciate or want to remember. That's how my mind works. I usually step back and assess the situation and find the solution or at least the positive before I bother waisting any energy freaking out. I REALLY hate the way it feels to freak out. Alternately, I love the empowerment of being able stay calm. There's a certain confidence in being pro-active about things instead of well, just crumbling. I hope he realizes someday that it's a useful trait when he's upset and I'm able to handle things for the both of us. Seriously, it's people like me who can stay cool under pressure that can act as crutches for the people who are falling apart. So, call it psychopathic or cold or whatever you want to call it... I still really like my Teflon. Oh, and my heart really isn't black. I swear. Certain individuals just assume that because I have a good poker face and prefer to analyze things.

Maybe that does mean I'm broken. Maybe I'd really be "living" if I just threw caution to the wind and went through life FEELING my way through situations rather than strategizing and interpreting shades of grey. I'm sure I could pick up a Dr. Phil book about this or something... but damaged goods or not, I dunno. That's what he says.

What A Guy

2009-01-15T10:00:00.000-08:00

Russell, bless his heart, has a new habit. As soon as he takes his clothes off, he throws them in the DRYER. Now, keep in mind that he's only 8 and the world of laundry is fairly new to him. So, technically, it's pretty sweet to see him doing this "helpful" thing on his own. In his mind, he's just being a responsible big person who washes their own clothes. I tried to monopolize on this and teach him to throw them in the washer instead. He really seems to like the dryer though.

This morning, I walked around the lake picking up MORE litter that the flood brought in. When I came inside, I was feeling pretty nasty. Call me a girly girl, but tromping through the mud, standing garbage cans back upright after draining muddy water from them, and picking up soggy garbage makes me feel downright smelly. So, I ran a hot bath and went into the laundry room to wash my work clothes in HOT water (and extra soap... with an extra rinse cycle...) Sure enough, sitting there in the dryer were the jammies that Russell had taken off before school this morning. It made me smile. Eventually, I'll get him to put them in the washer and add some soap, etc. For now, it sure is cute & definitely one of those things that I want to remember about him later.

Little Miss Sunshine

2009-01-14T14:42:00.000-08:00

So, after glancing over my last few posts I realized something. I've been really gloomy, whiny, sort of lame, and have blogged about my messy house in excess. So, in honor of the sunshine making an appearance today (seriously gorgeous out!) I'm going to randomly list off a few things that have actually made me HAPPY this week:

My kids went back to school. Enough said.

Okay, okay, yes, I do feel like a mean mommy for celebrating that, but hey! Even they appreciate it. The reality is, even though they're just like most kids and they say they don't like school and they love breaks as much as the next kid, they also admit to liking the way it feels to get back to their familiar schedule and friends. And... (probably shouldn't admit this because I'm not sure what it says for my cooking...) they LOVE eating school lunches. My kids seriously get excited about the lunch menu. Plus, even though I'm not thrilled that back to school also means evenings full of homework, overall our evenings are nicer when school is in session because we had a chance to miss each other during the day and we only have to play nice for a few hours before it's bedtime and everyone has stuff to talk about over dinner because we actually went out into the world and acquired some new info to share. It's a win-win.

The second thing I'm happy about is that I spent some really nice, much needed time with my hubby yesterday. I've gotten spoiled since usually he has every Tuesday off and so each week while the kids are all in school we get 6 hours of uninterrupted mommy & daddy time. However, that hasn't happened for a while because, you know, no school. We've spent plenty of time together but it hasn't really been quality time. It's been "surrounded by a ton of other people who are all simultaneously demanding attention while we're attempting to work together to divert a crisis" sort of time instead. We're both stressed. We're both grouchy and we've both been flinging snarky, underhanded comments at each other more than usual. Not exactly a honeymoon period around here. So, yesterday, simply going out to Olive Garden for lunch together felt SO NICE! Like "Wow, maybe we CAN stay married" nice. We both enjoyed it so much that he arranged for his parents to take the kids overnight on Friday. Now, I have something to look forward to this weekend. Which is GREAT since Monday & Tuesday there's no school again making this a 4 day weekend for the kiddos AND there are a couple of half days after that for report card prep! Yikes! Makes me wonder how my kids are ever going to learn anything this school year... Is a dozen 6 hour days of school per month enough? That's like 72 hours of school this month... Anyways...

I would also like to rejoice that the flood waters have receded and the sky is an amazing shade of blue. I can't imagine how overcome with joy they must have felt when the bird brought the leaf back to the ark, because as it is my joy this morning when I pulled open the blinds and saw the sky was over the top. I don't know if my body could have handled THAT much serotonin if I had been in the ark. As it was, I had to restrain myself from dancing and singing as I went for a walk this morning. The people on musicals make it look so easy to just burst forth into song as they run through rolling fields. Even though I was tempted, I just couldn't sing "Doe- a deer, a female deer" as I sprinted along at the park though. I might have channeled a little Bon Jovi & hummed a few lines of Living On A Prayer... but you'll never get me to admit that.

Really, when I'm being honest with myself, I have a TON of stuff to be thankful for and I could go on and on about things that I'm happy about this week. I guess I just lost site of that for a while. There's nothing like public school, a lunch date with the hubby, and some sunshine to remind me how good I've got it. Hope you guys are having a good week too!

Just Another Migraine Monday

2009-01-12T10:22:00.000-08:00

I don't know what you call this. Seasonal depression, maybe? When I get really stressed, I get a killer migraine on the right side of my head. I can feel it coming up through my tensed up right shoulder and throbbing behind my right eye. I get nauseous and dizzy. I'm super sensitive to smells, lights, and sounds. Do you want to know the best part? While I have had this going on for DAYS, we have been flooded in at our house. The kids' school had something of an emergency evac / sent the kids home at 10:30 on Thursday because of rising waters. From there on out, the water just kept getting deeper and deeper until our road was closed essentially trapping me inside of my house with my 4 noisy, smelly children. I love them. Honestly, I really do. However, there's this viscous cycle where they cause me to feel stressed and get a migraine and then my migraine makes me nearly incapable of dealing with the noises and smells that come along with said children. On Friday night, I lost it and made them all go to bed at 7:00. Believe me, you haven't heard a child throw a fit until you tell a 12 year old that they're going to bed at 7:00 on a Friday night.

Between the snow days, and the Holidays, and now the flooding... my kids have only gone to school a handful of times since the beginning of December. I've been trying to remember how on earth we made it through 90 days of summer vacation considering one month of "vacation" in the winter is enough to make me consider getting medicated. I think that we might be okay if the sun would just make a bloody appearance to recharge my sanity albeit temporarily. Oddly enough, I've always considered myself an easy going person. So it comes as quite a shock to me that my children's love of a Bohemian existence sends me so far over the edge. The mere fact that my daughter feels that clothing should be optional and my son eats 24/7 are driving me mad.

On Friday morning my daughter's clothing optional mindset manifested itself in a rather embarrassing way. Since my throbbing head was killing me and we had NO WHERE to go since they weren't going to school, I was lazily sleeping the morning away. That said, I didn't notice my kids excitedly throwing on their rubber boots so that they could go splash in the muddy flood waters which I admit, do probably look like glorified mud puddles to my puddle loving kiddos. If it weren't for the fact that the house was eerily TOO quiet (odd the way that quiet now sets off alarms and wakes me) I wouldn't have noticed at all and would have continued blissfully sleeping.

It was about 9:30 when the silence wasn't golden, and I jumped out of bed and went looking for the missing noise makers. A glance out the window, and I realized that not only were they happily splashing in the water that had found its way to our yard after flowing swiftly through fields of cow manure and over engorged septic systems but that Brooke was wearing nothing but her beloved pink robe that's a few sizes too small and a pair of boots. To really top it off, there were several gawkers taking pictures. That's right. My poor parenting has been documented. I just hope and pray that none of those pictures make their way into the hands of child protective services. In my defense, I did run out and force her to come inside and take a bath and put clothes on while I washed her robe. I don't have any pictures of that though.

So, here it is Monday. My migraine is still going strong, but my kids ARE back to school. I'm trying (really, really, REALLY trying) to have a good attitude about all the clean-up that I have to do. I'm telling myself that at least I'm in good enough health to clean. Heck, I could be paralyzed or something. I should be thankful that I can vacuum, right? And even though I strongly resent the fact that the dirty laundry has been coming in twice as fast as I've been able to wash it, I should be thankful that I HAVE a family to make that laundry dirty, right? Same goes for the dishes. Sure, I'd love it if the clouds opened up and the other 5 people who live in this house (and all the guests who are always coming in our revolving front door) would pitch in without me losing my voice nagging them... but hey, at least I have a kitchen to clean, right? When the weather has gotten extreme this winter I've been feeling extra grateful for the roof over my head.

So, there you have it. I'm done ranting. Now, I guess I should get back to my chores while the kids are at school. Hopefully my excedrin kicks in soon. Oh, and here is a pic of our flooded back yard. (The ones of Brooke in her robe not included.):

Straight Off the Compound

2009-01-05T12:01:00.000-08:00

So, here's why I'm not entirely opposed to the concept of polygamy: Now, hear me out! I know, I know... I can hear the collective gasp of indignation. I would just like to say that if you were over here right now and you could see the size of my laundry pile, you would agree that every once in a while it would be pretty convenient to up the mom to kid ratio. You see, today is the first day that all 4 of my kids have gone to school since the beginning of December. Throw in a couple Holidays, a ton of tracked in snow mess, and a round of the flu and my house is so messy that the walls are closing in on me.

I've been "cheerily" chipping away at it for well, forever basically, and the only thing getting me through the chaos has been repeating "I'll get caught up as soon as our schedule gets back to normal" 35 times a day. Guess what?! Today's the day! I watched out the window as all 8 of their little feet tread up the steps on to the school bus and then threw myself into dishes and laundry and vacuuming... and blogging??? Okay, maybe I could have left that last part out today, but we'll call it a "sanity safety meeting".

I forced all of the kids to deep clean their bedrooms this weekend, which means that they brought out every morsel of clothing they own and declared it "dirty" even though half of it is still folded / attached to a hanger. I simply must wash it since it's been keeping company in the hamper with laundry that really is dirty though... Love that. I vacuumed the house from one side to the other and pulled out the furniture / appliances / etc. and used the wall attachment to deep clean the ceiling fans and light fixtures and stuff. Seriously ashamed to admit, the vacuum bag was almost empty when I started and now it's busting at the seams it's so full.

Now, I don't know how much it would cost to hire a maid, but I'm pretty sure I'm too poor white trash for that. Which leads me back to where we started at... can't you just picture sharing household responsibilities? Gosh, I would LOVE to be able to say, "It's your night to cook" or "I'll take care of the babies while you help the older kids with homework..." What do you guys think? Would the pros of that type of relationship ever outweigh the cons for you? When you see the pictures of the ladies in frumpy dresses and prairie braids are you simply horrified at the injustice or do you ever think, "Wow! I wouldn't have to handle it all on my own!"

A House Divided

2008-12-29T21:04:00.000-08:00

As if it weren't hard enough to lose weight when you have 4 growing kids that want to eat yummy foods in your house... we have a new stumbling block around here. We now have a child that is on a diet to help him GAIN weight. Now, when I first got serious about losing weight I made a decision to take back control of the type of foods that come into my home. I can't lose my willpower and gorge myself on chocolate ice cream if there isn't any in the freezer. Simple strategy. It would have worked too, had my 12 year old not lost 14 lbs. recently thanks to his ADD meds. Losing 14 lbs. is a lot when you were only 90 lbs. to start off with and you're supposed to be doing a little thing called growing. When he stepped on the scale at his check-up today and the doctor shook his head at the number I asked the good doc to prescribe some for me too. He laughed. I was like, "No, seriously..." Apparently, he takes his medical license seriously or something.

So, he gave me a handout with a list of suggested foods: whole milk, ice cream, mac 'n cheese, peanut butter, trail mix, protein shakes, bagels with cream cheese, fruit juices... all the good stuff. I'm supposed to make sure he eats LOTS and LOTS of yummy, high calorie foods whenever he feels like it. It felt like dejavu... why does this seem familiar? Oh yeah! That's what I did to get fat too! Well, at least he's in good hands. I've got this gaining weight thing down like a pro. I'm just a little nervous about how I'm supposed to be good & eat my broccoli and celery sticks while I'm loading my grocery cart with artery busters.

Which brings me to my next concern: I went to the pharmacy to fill his prescription and forgot to skip reading the paperwork that goes along with it. Every time that I do certain words jump out at me and make my heart race like a rabbits. Tell your doctor if you or your child have any heart problems, heart defects, high blood pressure, or a family history of these problems. Well, I DID tell the doctor that I do have high blood pressure and a family history of significant heart problems and he still prescribed it, so I GUESS I'm trusting him...

Tell your doctor if you or your child have tics or Tourette's syndrome, or a family history of Tourette's syndrome or anxiety problems. Yep, told him that too. One of the reasons that we see him is because Lane was diagnosed with Tourette's and has severe anxiety. So, trusting him on that one too...

Especially tell your doctor if you or your child takes: anti-depression medication including MAOI's, seizure medicines, blood thinner medicines, blood pressure medicines, antacids, cold or allergy medicines that contain decongestants Umm... he knows that Lane is on an anti-depressant. He doesn't take cold / allergy meds on a regular basis but it is December and I've been known to give my kid cold meds when the snot strikes, so... okay, I guess.

Use this medicine with caution if you have a family history of emotional problems, or alcohol or substance abuse. Abuse may lead to addiction and severe mental changes. Do not stop taking this medicine suddenly. You may experience withdrawal symptoms. Since every time we go in to the doctor I'm forced to discuss my lengthy family history of drug & alcohol abuse & the fact that the majority of my relatives are self-medicating and/ or either in jail or rehab (why can't they just check the file anyway? Don't they know that i don't love answering those questions?), I'm pretty sure he knows that we do in fact have a genetic predisposition to drug abuse. So, I'm trusting him on that too...

I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's so hard as a parent to know what the right thing to do for your child is. This medicine has really helped improve his grades a lot. Which I'm sure will help his self-esteem a lot too. I guess you could call that it's redeeming quality. The risks that took the pharmacy 8 pages worth of paper & ink to describe are a major con and the fact that I'm filling my house with diet temptations in hopes that his biceps will one day stick out more than his elbows is also a pretty big downfall. I'm so thankful that science has brought us so many advancements and that the majority of our health woes can be lessened if not fixed all together nowadays. Oh my goodness some of these new pharmaceutical goodies can open up a whole new world of stress though! And I have no idea how I'm expected to lose weight while fattening Lane up. Too bad it wasn't as easy as just giving my fat to him.

Twas The Day After Christmas

2008-12-26T19:26:00.001-08:00

Twas the day after Christmas and all through my house, there was clutter, more clutter, and an off skiing spouse. The children were jamming in Guitar Hero bliss, I was wishing that Santa had seen earplugs on my list... to my mind came an idea "let's go out to eat!" We attempted to groom and threw boots on our feet. I sat there with my kiddos, in a terrific mood, we were out of the house having wonderful food... when what to my wondering eyes did appear? I'll give you a clue... it was not reindeer. On Dasher, On Dancer, On Blitzen, On Comet... my eight year old son was covered in vomit. With apologies flying, I left a GOOD tip and face flaming beet red, we gave that mess the slip...

Moral of the story: even if feeling blue... just stay home with noise & clutter if exposed to the flu...

The Lowdown On The Showdown

2008-12-19T21:40:00.000-08:00

This is for all of my peeps who have been asking about my blog or more specifically my falling off the face of the earth. I appreciate every one's concern. I've just been lazy, folks. I realize that the mere fact that I posted a blog entitled Need Extra Cash For The Holidays? Sell A Body Part! and then deleted it shortly thereafter and didn't post again for a couple of weeks could indeed cause some of my friends with active imaginations to think of all the crazy possibilities. Could it be that I had actually sold a body part and then (gasp) had some sort of complication? Was I arrested for selling my body part illegally? The scenarios are endless.

Reality is never as exciting though (at least not in my world.) I've just been having some health issues and haven't had the energy to both make an attempt at the Holiday season AND blogging. My one attempt at blogging was the afore mentioned Body Part installment. I thought it was pretty funny. It all started because when I pulled up my homepage (MSN) there was an article about getting extra money for the Holidays by selling a body part. I was cracking up at the thought of selling a kidney, a few feet of intestine, or my much unwanted ovaries. Yes, my sense of humor is a little twisted. However, my satire was apparently not as welcome to a certain individual who within 5 minutes of my posting the blog left me a lengthy comment that was quite effective at making me feel as evil and cold as Cruella De vile.

Yes, I DO know that people are dying because of the long transplant waiting lists and that lives can be saved. It's heartbreaking. It really is. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I was in no way actually suggesting that people SELL their body parts illegally. I WAS making fun of it though. And I have to admit, that I still think it's pretty hilarious (because it's so WRONG) to think about the consequences of selling my eggs to too many people (same goes for habitual sperm donors) and the fact that those Lil embryos might grow up to be people who go away to college and are amazed at how much they have in common with their "soul mate". I didn't come up with that one on my own. When I told my hubby, "Geez- I could get $6,000 for my eggs! Like I'm planning on using all of them anyway..." (Most females are born with 200,000 or so.) He freaked at the thought and said, "Gross. What if one of our kids fell in love with one of those kids without knowing they were siblings?" Go ahead and admit it, pretty EWWW! inducing, right?

Anyhow... I don't personally know the person who left me that comment, but I would like to give them a shout out. They were very good at what they do (advocating for live donor awareness.) I was effectively shamed into taking my post down and I haven't been able to think of anything worth posting that was worth writing since. I AM an organ donor (No, that part isn't because of the guilt comment. I've been one since I got my driver's license a LONG time ago - because I'm old like that.) I just hadn't planned on donating anything until I didn't need it anymore. I can't imagine being broke enough (and I've been pretty broke) to warrant invasive surgery, but you are welcome to pick my carcass if I'm ever on life support with no signs of ever recovering. I would also like to say that what live donors do is shockingly courageous and absolutely generous and heroic. I'm honestly in awe of them as much as I make fun of the subject. I just like to dwell in the land of avoidance and laugh at the bizarre side of black market kidney sells instead of thinking about the raw, brutal reality of the necessity.

So, there you have it. I'm alive and well. I have not perished in some alley under the knife of a "Dr." with a bad alias. I DO have certain female organs that I WISH some kind medical professional would just take off my hands (that's a potential subject for a future too much information blog,) but for now all of my organs are accounted for.

Giving Thanks (Among Other Things...)

2008-11-28T10:41:00.000-08:00

So... we totally survived Thanksgiving. No big after all. I contemplated getting up at 4:00 AM to shop til I dropped, but slept in until 9:30 instead. It was HEAVENLY!!! Then, I got up to break up a fight between the boys. Not as Heavenly. Made myself a mason jar of lemon liver detox tea and made friends with the computer chair. Ahhh- this is the life. Then, I read this:

NEW YORK - A Wal-Mart worker has died after being trampled by a throng of unruly shoppers shortly after the Long Island store opened Friday, police said. Unconfirmed reports said a pregnant woman also miscarried as the crowd rushed in.

Nassau County police said the 34-year-old Wal-Mart worker was taken to a hospital where he was pronounced dead at about 6 a.m. ET, an hour after the store opened.

A police statement said a throng of shoppers "physically broke down the doors, knocking him to the ground." The exact cause of death "will be determined by the medical examiner's office," the police stated.

A co-worker said the clerk was "bum-rushed by 200 people," according to the New York Daily News. "They took the doors off the hinges," said Jimmy Overby. "He was trampled and killed in front of me. They took me down too ... I literally had to fight people off my back."

Police added that "a 28-year-old pregnant female was also transported to an area hospital for observation."

Shopper Jessica Keyes told the Daily News that she saw the woman being knocked down near where the worker lay dying.

According to Keys, when paramedics arrived they told the woman that "there's nothing we can do. The baby is gone."

Other shoppers said people kept entering the story as emergency crews attended the woman and store clerk.

"They were working on him, but you could see he was dead," the Daily News quoted shopper Halcyon Alexander as saying. "People were still coming through."

Are you kidding me??? That is absolutely ridiculous. So glad I slept in and relaxed. Did any of you hit the black Friday sales? Did I miss much? Leave me a comment about your favorite finds.

Bah-Humbug!

2008-11-26T18:56:00.000-08:00

This Thanksgiving, I find myself feeling oddly empty. No, literally... I've been dieting for like forever now. That pomegranate I had for dinner just didn't cut it. However, I don't really mean like that. I just feel so... blah. I guess my "Holiday goggles" fell off this year. Everything about getting our family & all of their drama together to "celebrate" just seems pointless & exhausting. Last year, we went to my in-laws for Thanksgiving and we did the classic go around the table & share what you're thankful for thing. Do you have any idea how long it took my brother-in-law to think of something? He just sat there with this look like he could start crying at any time and looked lost and blank. This year, we're going there again. Which I can tell hurts my mom's feelings. I hate hurting her feelings. I can't believe I'm choosing a place that involves long agonizing pauses regarding giving thanks over my mother (who has been through a lot lately.) Oh, the guilt... I can't even get myself excited about the possibilty of going shopping on black Friday. Everyone keeps asking me if I'm going and where I'm going. I don't want to drag myself out of bed that early to go to a crowded store and spend money though. Yuck. I keep hearing radio ads for the all you can eat Thanksgiving buffet at the casino and fantasizing about blowing everyone off and hanging out at the casino (feasting with the Indians- the way Thanksgiving was originally meant to be.) Is that bad- not wanting to be with family? Don't answer. I know how bad it is. It was a rhetorical question, okay? Agghhhh- at least there's pie involved. I think I'm gonna throw together a pumpkin pie made with Splenda. Yum.

Don't get me wrong. I feel immensely blessed and so grateful. I have so many things to be thankful for. It's just that thinking about being thankful while in the midst of our annual negativity fest makes me feel ill. I feel like I'm almost supposed to be guilty about my blessings and I'm pretty sure all of my happiness is trivialized in light of everyone else's angst. Anyway... sorry for the downer blog. Be thankful for your HAPPY family get togethers! ;-) No, really... even if you're planning on simply heating up a frozen dinner and watching TV by yourself, I'm jealous of you.

Guess What?!

2008-11-24T12:46:00.000-08:00

If you want to hear about my "big news" head over to desperately seeking skinny pants to read all about it!

Truly Madly Deeply

2008-10-27T20:47:00.000-07:00

In case you haven't noticed, I adore my kids. I really do. I've had a series of no good, horrible, very bad days and you know what? My kids make me feel better all the time. Sometimes they make an effort to help in their awkwardly inexperienced ways (like grabbing a yogurt out of the fridge and handing it to me so quickly that it splatters all over because they thought that feeding me yogurt would cure all.) Other times they don't mean to help, but just do. Tonight, I really just wanted them to go to bed on time. I'm tired. I'm actually sick and tired. They decided that they wanted to be all Oktoberfest and go bobbing for apples though. So, they snuck a big bowl and filled it with apples and water. I figured it out when I heard the sh-shlup of water overflowing onto the floor amid hysterical giggling. At first, I wanted to beat them (just a little...) but then their faces looked so fresh and clean from the dunking in H20 and their eyes were so sparkly. I can't explain it, but it was cute... and kinda funny.

I took them to the pumpkin farm this weekend too. I didn't want to. What I wanted was for their dad to be ready, willing, and able to step up & say, "Don't worry, Hon. I know you haven't been feeling well. You stay home and rest while I take them." (A girl can dream can't she?) He wasn't around though and they wanted to go SO badly. So, I sucked it up and we went.

Once again, they made me laugh. Their cuteness won me over and I forgot I didn't feel well somewhere along the way. I don't know what I'm gonna do when they're not little anymore. Then what will distract me, make me laugh, cheer me up? It's already happening so fast. My rational mind tells me that I can hopefully still have fun with them and that it could possibly be even more fun to hang out with them as adults than it is now. Grown-up kids that I don't have to nag & worry about (as much) and cute little grand kids sounds wonderful. My mom mind panics and worries that they might decide to move far, far away because they don't like me anymore. What if they like their in-laws more than us? I'll miss them so much.

I just want to savor every little moment that I have with them. I want to remember not to yell at them when they play pranks (rubber band on the handheld sprayer at the kitchen sink comes to mind) and just soak up the spirit that they bring into our home. I found out today that my heart isn't doing as well as I thought it was. I knew it hurt, but I thought that was just from all of the love that I feel for these guys. I didn't realize that if I'm not careful it could cut my time with them short. I so desperately want to get healthy fast so that I don't miss a moment. The thought of not being there for them and not having the privilege of being there to witness all of their story as it's being made almost paralyzes me with fear. Being a parent is just such an amazing gift and I am so truly, madly, deeply in love with my family. Plus, I even like them.

Just a reminder: go hug your loved ones.

Celebrity Baby Boom Continues

2008-10-24T21:07:00.000-07:00

And for those of you who can't wait to see what my son with George Clooney looks like... here's little Avery:

Oprah & I have twins. Fraternal, of course... They may not be identical, but they do have identical monikers. We call them both Booger. I know, celebrities and their crazy baby names, right?

I even had a baby with Michael Jackson. A stinking cute one too. I don't know why I'm so shocked that the kid turned out okay. Little Mikey was pretty cute back in the day, after all.

And I can't forget about one of my favorites (yes, I know mothers aren't supposed to pick favorites.) Just look at my sweet Simone! Let's just hope she doesn't get her daddy's genes for being mean and wearing shirts two sizes too small. That could cause a lot of problems in high school.

She sort of resembles her brother Nathan. His daddy is Prince Charles. Yep, THEE Prince Charles. I figured Harry & William were pretty handsome, so why not?

What can I say? I just can't make ugly babies! (Okay, you got me, that baby with Elvis was pretty scary.) Just look at this fresh faced little angel though... courtesy of Marilyn Manson.

Tom & I are the proud parents of this little robot- Model Suri 2.

And proof that even freaky, creepy old men that make me scared that "Red Rum" will show up on the doors in my house can have cute kids... here's Jack Jr.

This is super addicting! Don't bother doing it unless you're ready & willing to ignore all of your other responsibilites and order pizza for dinner while your kids thrash the house!

Can't Stop Making Babies (With Celebrities)

2008-10-24T18:35:00.000-07:00

Since I completely lack originality and am shamelessly willing to steal ideas... I decided after reading Kristina's HILARIOUS blog that I needed to make a baby with random celebrities too. Here's the spawn of Val Kilmer. I call her Valerie:

Since this is a MODERN technology I was able to procreate with the likes of Miley Cyrus regardless of the fact that neither of us has a Y chromosome. (Don't be hating people! I didn't do anything inappropriate- it's only photo morphing software...)This is Mimi. Isn't she cute?

My kid with George Bush didn't turn out quite as well. This is Lil George. He looks a little slow.

Since we were getting political, I decided to see what my offspring would look like if Obama were my baby daddy. Here's Sashimi:

Apparently, it's a good thing that Vin Diesel & I never got together. (Does he even like girls?) Here's little Vinni. All I can say is at least he's a boy with that mug.

Elvis Presley's genes aren't much of a match either. If I didn't know better I would say we were cousins from the way our kid turned out...

Thanks for the inspiration Kristina! This was a fabulous stress reliever!

Elders & Adoption

2008-10-23T18:26:00.000-07:00

A couple of years ago our cat had kittens (a whopping 8.) They were the cutest little things. One evening, the missionaries stopped in for a visit and we entertained them with kitten watching. About an hour after they left to go knock on all of our neighbor's doors, they came back with a little black kitten that looked to be the same age as ours. As they handed it to us saying, "We found this escapee down the block" we were pretty confused since it looked like it could be ours but none of our kittens were missing (or able to get that far yet) and the mama cat hadn't even gone outside since she'd had them.

We joined the Elders in walking around the neighborhood (their second time- if you think people are unhappy to have missionaries knocking on their door the first time you should really see the replay...) and asked all of our neighbors if they knew this kitten. Of course, no one did. So, we took the poor baby who couldn't be more than a week old and wouldn't be able to survive for long back to our mama cat hoping that she would accept it (although the missionaries were all excited about the prospect of her freaking out on it- 19 year old boys, you know.) Thankfully, as she lay there on her side with 8 kittens already fighting over a spot to nurse, she seemed to understand and made room for this little guy.

Tonight I was making breakfast for dinner & enlisted the kids to help out. I usually don't love making breakfast for dinner since the multi-tasking of stirring scrambled eggs, and flipping pancakes, and turning sausage, etc. isn't really my thing. I'm more the throw everything in the crock-pot or in a 13x9 baking dish so that I can do other things while it cooks & only have one pan to wash when it's over sort of girl. The kids are all getting old enough to hold their own in the kitchen though, so we threw caution to the wind and scrambled some eggs. As we cooked, someone said, "Remember that little kitten named Elder that Alley Cat adopted?" and the memory came back to me. It made me feel so sentimental thinking of how we named it Elder after the two guys in white shirts & ties that found it.

Then, I started thinking... why can't we humans be so ready & willing to take in kids that are lost / abandoned / orphaned? I've been trying to talk my hubby into foster care for the last few years. I suddenly felt inspired to go guilt trip him with a reminder of the willingness of our cat to serve the less fortunate. If she could love that kitten as her own just because we handed it to her, why couldn't we do the same? Sure, she only had to nurse it for 6 weeks and then we found all the kittens new homes and the mama cat got her freedom back, but...

Beyond My Control

2008-10-23T09:00:00.000-07:00

       So, yesterday I did not one but TWO cheerful, Pollyanna style posts. I guess that means that today it's okay to vent a little. You see, while yesterday was in fact a good day with home improvements that didn't cost me anything and a weight being lifted off of my shoulders after a fabulous parent-teacher conference, there was some major stress inducing stuff too. So stress inducing in fact, that I had a really hard time going to sleep and am sporting a killer migraine and an upset stomach.

      In the AM, what had me feeling spastic (besides the diet pills) was that Lane had told me the night before that he was really concerned about one of his friends at school. Lane was upset because his friend has been talking about suicide a lot & had apparently cut himself with a rusty nail at recess on purpose. He asked me if it was okay to be a tattle-tale if you were protecting someone (which from previous conversations he knows is my rule, but I think he needed permission to ease his mind.) I was so proud of my little man, because he was so insightful and mature about the whole situation. I'm not sure I would have been as capable of handling a friend telling me something like this when I was in the 5th grade. He said, "Mom, I don't really believe he's going to do it. I think he just likes to talk about it for the shock factor, but I think I need to tell the teacher just in case." Then, he asked me if I would be okay with emailing or calling the teacher instead so he wasn't officially the nark. So, I did & hopefully this little boy will be able to get the help that he needs. It's so hard to think that my kids are getting old enough to be involved with this type of thing.

      In the PM, my stress was more associated with my parental units & the fall-out from their rather nasty divorce. Without divulging TOO MANY details, I'll say that I've been trying super hard to not get in the middle of it. I'm a grown-up. They're grown-ups. It should technically be fairly simple. It's hard though, because I see & hear things that just make me want to run in & fix everything (as if that were possible.) Not fix their marriage / get them back together because I don't actually think that's for the best, but fix the pain. I want to fix the hurt feelings & stubbornness that have escalated the situation so severally. I want to erase the financial problems, the worry, and the guilt.

     I'm the oldest child in my family & I have siblings that still live at home with my mom. My little sister is about the same age as my second child. Her world & my kid's world are entirely different though. She knows all too well about the adult world of what happens when you don't have enough money and how you can get attached to people and then have them ripped out of your life. So, when I came home from Cub Scouts & my mom was in front of my house and told me that her car is breaking down, and she lost her food stamp money because my dad said he was paying her child support even though she hasn't gotten any, and now she's getting evicted... It broke my heart. Honestly, there's only so much that I can do though. And when I dropped my kids off at school and I saw my little sister's body language as she bossed a classmate around & I knew that she was feeling like everything was out of control and trying to grasp for some sense of power, it made me feel like I had rocks in my stomach. Not to mention, knowing that someone you love is in pain right on the heels of thinking of a little 11 y/o boy who is hurting isn't really the perspective you want to see it in. While I know that the two situations are different there are enough similiarities to be bothersome.

      The reality is, I have always taken on everyone else's problems and feel like I need to slap a band-aid on everything around me. I know that I can only own myself and be responsible for my own actions though. There's really not a lot of point in worrying myself sick about my kid's friends or even my own extended family further than I can do something about it. That's easier said than done, but really- what else is there to do? If I could, I would... I just wish there was a little less heartbreak in the world. Don't we all?

I'm Lovin' It

2008-10-22T14:13:00.000-07:00

Today I love my life. Why? You ask... Simple really. I feel like a rich person who can afford to hire people for home improvement projects but I don't have to pay for it. That's why. It's flipping sweet. For those of you who don't know, we're live-in caretakers at a county park. I debated on whether to actually say that considering the whole creepy people in Internet land thing, but I decided to roll the dice. Anyway... our roof started leaking this week. We had a pretty good down pour and what do you know? It was raining inside too! If we were homeowners this would have kicked our trash. However, we just called the county and they came out to measure for a new roof pronto. Now, they're up there putting it on & I'm sitting here typing away hoping they don't come crashing through my ceiling. This morning, the lawnmower man showed up to mow. So, between the visit from our "landscaper" and the new roof it's looking pretty decent around here. Our stinking counter tops in the kitchen are falling apart (literally, it's ceramic tile and they keep coming off and shattering when they hit the floor.) So, the county said I could choose the new counter tops. I feel spoiled. Sure, we aren't building up any equity here like we would be if say, we owned the place & these upgrades were going towards raising our property value or something... but it makes me feel so blessed to have all these people slamming out the work on my home. If I owned the place, sadly... it would probably not look as nice 'cause I wouldn't have the time or the money. So, yay for the opportunity to scrub public toilets in exchange for rent!

Hope & Relief

2008-10-22T09:18:00.000-07:00

I had such a nice conference with Lane's teachers the other day. I really like them. It was way better than I had expected, in fact. I think one of the worst parts of having a child who struggles in school is having the feelings as a parent of helplessness and wounded pride and ultimately guilt that goes along with it (at least for me.) Sure, I'm worried about him & his future and all of that. I somehow suspect though, that he's going to be okay. I know that there is so much more to life than a letter grade on paper & that a lot of people who were poor students end up being successful later. In the mean time, I don't like feeling like I'm SUPPOSED to enforce raising his grades and feeling incompetent to do so.
Going in to conferences I always kind of wish I had a rock to hide under because I'm sure that the teacher is wondering what type of messed up family life and poor parenting this child has had to get him to this particular level. I feel the need to explain defensively that we have tried SO MANY things to no avail, that while we're imperfect parents we're making an effort, and that we do have other kids who are doing fairly well in school. Yes, I realize that proving that we have 3 out of 4 kids who are getting decent grades isn't really what the teacher needs to know and that pride cometh before the fall... but I've gotta hold on to a morsel of validation that we're not all together failing our children's educational needs.
Anyway... the teachers were terrific. The didn't look at me like a white trash parent at all (or at least if they were thinking it they hid it well.) They told me how great of a kid they thought he was and I got the impression that they really meant it. They acknowledged that we had tried all sorts of stuff and that he was just one of those kids that traditional school didn't work for & that it wasn't his fault. They asked about his interests and talents and said that kids like him always find their niche. They understood that he is very artsy and always off in his own little world and that while that's problematic when you need him to be in the present during math that being a dreamer wasn't necessarily a bad thing. I felt like we were actually a team working together to brainstorm ways to help him and that everything was really going to be all right for him this school year. The things that were said that meant the most to me were:
"He's so well-behaved. He's nice to absolutely everybody, even the kids that no one else is nice to and the kids that aren't nice to him. If I had to choose between a kid getting good grades but being a jerk and a kid getting poor grades but being a good person, I'd take the kids with poor grades. So, he has some really redeeming qualities."
"Have you heard that students of band continue to outperform their non-band peers on the SAT? Plus, being musical can open up a lot of doors for him too. There are a ton of careers that he can pursue in the Arts and make a fortune. Just think, if he does end up writing a science fiction novel or something how much money he could get. There's nothing wrong with being an extremely creative person."
"It's these kind of kids that always find their niche. He might be 35 before he finds it, but he'll find something that he can excel in. Our job right now is to quit setting him up for failure & start making it possible for him to experience success. Whether that be assigning less work and helping him with task completion so he isn't always behind or changing his schedule so that he can do better in the classes that he has, our main priority needs to be to accommodate him & raise his self-esteem."
So, I walked out of that conference just feeling such hope & relief. When I got home, I told him how awesome his teachers thought he was & that I was so proud of him for standing out as one of the nice kids. Now, I feel like I have permission to get off his back about schoolwork and to just celebrate his achievements instead. I've always known that he was a great kid and felt like we just needed to "get through" this school thing and that he had enough other good qualities and skills to hopefully compensate. I've heard lots of stories of people who suddenly "got it" as an adult and I've hoped that he would be one of those guys that finally understood what his teachers had been trying to teach him once he got out in to the real world and needed those skills. I've just never felt like his teachers saw that & I felt a certain pressure to prove that there was an effort being made and that he had potential. It's so refreshing to know that his teachers are on the same page & that they're willing to put out the effort to help him realize his potential too.

Nostalgic

2008-10-12T17:39:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling very nostalgic this afternoon. I'm not sure why. I decided to make a digital scrapbook of some of my favorite Halloween memories. The kids are SO MUCH bigger now than even just last Halloween. Scary stuff. Brooke has already started making plans for when she moves out of our house. :-( We were riding in the car the other day and she told me (again) that she won't be living with me when she's a grown up. Her main motivator? "Girls that live with their parents are fat." Where does she get this stuff? I'm kinda concerned that she worries about the whole fat thing too much for a 6 year old.

Of course, the other day she was self-concious about her teeth too. She told me, "Mom, I really do have horse teeth. They're too thick like horse teeth are, but they're only midget horse teeth 'cause they're shorties. They're short & chubby baby horse teeth." Who knew you could use the words "horse teeth" so many times in only 3 sentences?

Oh, and you should have heard her trying to explain why I shouldn't be upset with her for being awake WAY past her bed time. It sounded like this: "I'm the kind of person who's body just does whatever it wants to. I can't control it, so you can't be mad at me. Just be mad at my body, but not my head. My head is mad at my body too, but I'm not the kinda person who can just make myself go to sleep even if I want to. If my body doesn't want to sleep only God can force it to. I can't force myself to sleep, you know, 'cause I'm not that kinda person." She really does just babble on and on repeating variations of the same phrases all the time. It cracks me up. I swear she didn't even know how to talk like... yesterday. Now she never stops. Where did the last 6 years go and are the next 6 going to fly by as quickly? I hope not!

Then, the other day my friend Jenny and I were talking about what our kids prefer to sleep in (because her adorable son Niall was here for a sleepover with Russell) and it reminded me of what Tatton used to sleep in. You see, Tatton decided that he wasn't getting a good nights sleep due to always waking up cold after he kicked the blankets off. He decided it would be best to start getting dressed for school the night before and wearing a coat to bed. To him, this was an ingeniusly effecient plan since he was saving time in the AM and staying consistently warm. I let him do his thing and just chuckled at the way his cute little mind worked & never gave it a second thought. That is, until I went to foster parent certification classes and there was a chunk of class devoted to "what to expect when you're expecting foster kids" as in what problem behaviours were common. They made a big deal out of how a lot of foster kids "prefer to sleep in their clothes instead of pajamas". The reasons that they listed off (being homeless, being sexually abused, having become accustomed to unpredictability/ the need to pick up & run at a moments notice all made sense) but I still felt a little defensive about the sleeping in a coat thing. I didn't want people to just assume that there was something "wrong" if they found out that Tatton slept fully clothed including a coat. LOL Now, he's a sleeping in boxers man and it seems kind of sad that this is just a memory to be pulled out of the archives for a good chuckle.

Anyway... just thinking. Wow, they're growing up fast. Lane keeps talking to me about how concerned he is about the economy and his views on Obama's health plan and of course, whether or not shaving will help his peach fuzz grow in thicker. *sigh*

Make a Smilebox scrapbook

Confession Booth

2008-10-11T22:02:00.000-07:00

I was blog hopping (the form of blog stalking where you go from one blog to another for a ridiculous length of time) and I found this fabulous post that I simply had to copy over at wordtoyourmother-mindi.blogspot.com. The general idea is that you get to confess anything you want / need to. Just get it off your chest. You can even comment anonymously. You can totally feel free to air your dirty laundry, the skeletons in yours or your neighbor's closets, your pet peeves, whatever. Just keep in mind that I am NOT your bishop / priest / parole officer, etc. Not even your mother. Now start blabbing those juicy morsels!

And the Winner Is...

2008-10-11T11:17:00.000-07:00

Kerry Peterson at kpetes-draggin.blogspot.com who said:

Natalie, I had to come and visit again, since you came and visited me, and I will gladly give my favorite things to read about are the funny stories about the kids. They don't even have to be current ones. They can even be memories of your life growing up? Go back and think of other things that have happened and then (if you are doing what I am) you can one day publish this to a journal and have a broader spectrum of things to include. Maybe stories about grandma or anything you can remember. Anyway, good luck. Kerry

Thanks, Kerry! When I originally started blogging, it was because I wanted to someday publish it into a journal for my kids to read later on. So, I loved the idea of going back in time for childhood memories or stories about grandparents for inspiration. Watch the mail for your "mystery prize" which is...

or more specifically... packets of seeds to grow funky fruits & veggies because I think everyone should grow rainbow carrots & purple green beans every once in a while. (As if you have time to use these with your crazy busy schedule!)

Can You Read Me Now?

2008-10-08T15:05:00.001-07:00

Thanks to everyone who let me know that my posts weren't showing up on my page. I still really don't know why that happened... so I'm hoping that you can see this. ???

If there were ever a time to comment, it would be now so that I can know if you can see this! Thanks, guys!

~ Natalie

Isn't It Ironic? Don'tcha Think?

2008-10-07T10:31:00.000-07:00

My boys are currently arguing about their singing voices. Lane claims to be a baritone which has caused Tatton to fly in to a rage since he has a deeper speaking voice and he claims to be a mezzo. I'm not even touching this one. In an effort to distract myself from their near constant yet seemingly harmless arguing I've been mindlessly surfing the web. Well, it turns out David Duchovney has completed rehab for his sexual addiction this week according to MSN. Amy Winehouse is being wooed by Scientology. A bandit stole 160 bras from Victoria's Secret. Holly Madison broke up with Hugh Hefner. And oh ya... the Dow plunged further below 10,000. Just a few headlines today.

I haven't heard or seen much about Britney lately. I guess that's a good thing. Score one for Daddy Jamie. Although, there was that whole scandal when a picture of Jamie Lynn nursing her daughter Maddie was leaked to the media. Turns out that qualifies as child pornography since she is only 17. Never mind the fact that her big sis Britney was showing larger quantities of flesh in the name of actual show business at her age. I guess I forgot that it's socially acceptable to flash your boobs at people as long as you're making millions for it. You just can't let anyone see you using those mammary glands to provide food for your ~~spawn~~ child.

I guess I'm just wondering... if we (as a society) are more concerned about what all these people (they really ARE just people) than about oh, let's say, the presidential election... what are we in for? No wonder there is an economic crisis. We live in a culture of morons. I keep hearing about Sarah Palin's wardrobe and hair and her pregnant daughter. Rarely do I hear more than a snippet of TRUTH about her as an actual person. The media just takes absolutely EVERYTHING and runs with it. It's ridiculous. I'm no better. After all, I was reading this stuff in an effort to tune out my kids' bickering. That is, until I realized their argument about their singing voices may have had more actual substance than what I was reading on the web.

Remember: the mystery prize contest is open until Friday! Keep those ideas coming!

Super Cool Contest!!! (Because It's Cheaper Than Therapy)

2008-10-06T10:33:00.000-07:00

I've had blog block this week. I've never understood how anyone could get writer's block. My problem has always been trying to hold the flood of words in my head from spilling out in excess. This week, I finally experienced the feeling of wanting to write something and drawing a blank. Craziness. It's not that there weren't things that I wanted to talk about. There were LOTS of things I wanted to blab about, in fact. The only way that I could even fathom sharing those things was if I changed the names to protect the "innocent" and I'm pretty sure all of my readers are too smart for that. What's the point of changing names when all of your friends & family are such smart cookies that they'll figure it out anyway? It stinks 'cause I love blogging (it's cheaper than therapy) but unlike real therapy (where you are protected by confidentiality laws) this sort of blabbing involves the WORLD WIDE web.

Now, I personally don't have a whole lot to work with in the boundaries department. Supposedly, it's not very psychologically healthy to be ready, willing, & able to tell your whole life story to perfect strangers in the grocery store line. That's just the way I roll though. So, if the only thing I blogged about was me, myself, and I there would be no blog block. Unfortunately, most of the really juicy, great for retelling sort of stuff in my life involves other people who are slightly more private than I am. I thought about getting them all to sign coyly worded consent forms allowing me the freedom to disclose their life stories, but you know, they're smart cookies too and I don't think they would fall for it. Anyway, I'm pretty sure using the dirt you have on other people for blog fodder is breaking the less than well known 11th commandment.

So... what DO I write about when the only things I've had on my mind would be way too incriminating for certain individuals? I don't want to fall back on to the safe subjects like my daughter's stubbornness or my trying to lose weight or even how badly I want a baby even though I have self-imposed infertility. I CAN'T write about any one's love lives, brushes with the law, or hilariously embarrassing mishaps that we snicker about behind their backs and cross our fingers that karma doesn't come back to bite us in the rear for laughing about it. Furthermore, I don't really care to touch politics or religion. Not because they're taboo so much as the fact that I'm so on the fence about what I think that you would think that I was the politician talking in circles. When I know what I think you'll be the first to know. So, here's the deal... you throw some ideas my way and I'll reward the creative genius who comes up with the best blog subject with a mystery prize. Believe me, if I can get "Hannah Montana" to send a surprise gift to my daughter, I can send a little sumpin sumpin your way! The contest is open until midnight Pacific Mountain time on Friday. On your marks, get set, GO!!!

I'm A Big Freaking Liar

2008-10-02T18:12:00.000-07:00

This is the post where I publicly out myself as a liar. It seemed perfectly innocent. Just a little white lie. I was at Walmart yesterday and I saw an ADORABLE little shirt that would look cute on Brookie. Then, out of the corner of my eye I spotted an even cuter headband. I could just picture her in them... AND they were on clearance! Problem: as most of you know Brooke is a very selective clothes wearer. I knew these were exactly the type of clothes that I loved and she hated, so accepting defeat, I put them back so that some other mother could come along and snatch them up for her little girl to look darling in.

I went about my business, gathering up the usual boring necessities: shampoo, toilet paper, toothpaste... Then, it occurred to me! "Brilliant!", I thought, amazed at my own creativity. It was so simple. The head band was a Hannah Montana brand and Brooke is a HUGE Hannah Montana fan. I decided then and there that I would buy them and wrap them up in a shipping box. I addressed the box to Brooke and made up a fake address for Miley Cyrus as the sender. I ran out and stuck it in the mail box knowing that Brooke loves to check the mail when she gets off the school bus. I couldn't wait for her to get home & discover it!

All of a sudden, it occurred to me that this plan of mine wasn't quite as flawless as I had originally believed. For starters, I was getting a twinge of guilt for lying to her. That was easy enough to ignore though. I told myself I lie to her about the tooth fairy & Santa in the same spirit of fun & anticipation. The stinker was that I didn't want her to go to school wearing said items and brag that she had gotten them as a gift from Hannah Montana and have everyone call her a liar. My child couldn't get called a liar for her mother's lie, after all! So, I typed up a letter from "Miley" about how she had this new product line and she chose some of her coolest girl fans to send free product trials to. "She" said that she thought Brooke had great taste and was hoping she could wear the shirt & headband to school so that other girls would want to go out and buy some. It was all a great, big marketing gimmick. Somehow, this sounded like a feasible explanation to me. Bonus: every time that I wanted to buy Brooke something & have her actually be excited to wear it instead of fighting me on it I could just send her another "shipment" to "product test". In my lying mind I foresaw all of our wardrobe battles being a thing of the past.

Unfortunately, my daughter is officially smarter than I am. She was skeptical from the minute she checked the mail.
"Uh, Mom... why does she have the same handwriting as you?", she asked.
"Hmmm... that's interesting. It does look a little like mine. That's cool that Miley and I write the same way."
She casually opened the package as if it were a box of canned peas or something equally boring. And you know what she said? "Oh." That's it! "Oh."
So, I played it up. "Wow! That is SOOOO cool! I can't believe that came from MILEY CYRUS!!!"
"I can't wear that to school."
"Why?"
"It's too cute."
"Of course it's cute, it came from Miley Cyrus! She always looks cute!"
"Ya... I'm not wearing that."

So, I guess I'll just return them to the store. My "brilliant" plan was an abysmal failure. The worst part? This morning I tried to convince her to just "be brave & wear it one time for Miley." She said, "Good try, Mom." I guess I may be a liar, but I'm not a very good one.

I'm A Tourist Attraction

2008-09-26T09:32:00.000-07:00

I'm a tourist attraction. Okay, not really... but I did giggle a little when I noticed how many cars with out of state license plates slowed down and gawked at me like something was wrong or I was crazy while I was walking in the rain. Apparently, walking around in the rain seems wierd to people who aren't from Washington. If I didn't get out & exercise in the rain though, I just plain wouldn't get out & exercise at all for the next 9 months. So, I decided that I was going to have the same motto as the Postal Service (neither rain, nor hail, nor dark of night, or whatever it is.) The locals just smiled & waved. It was only those tourist looking folks that slowed down to stare. Frankly, I was surprised at how many out of state vehicles I saw in our sleepy little town. Who knew?

I've started what I like to refer to as my "daily doubles". In the morning I do a couple of dance aerobics and pilates DVD's. In the evening, I have Dustin drop me off at some distant location (average 3 - 5 miles away depending on my mood) so that I can walk home. It's a lot easier to stay committed to your walk when your ride just drove off and you have no choice but to hoof it home. So, I'm digging that. On Tuesday, it was Dustin's day off and he asked me to go walk along with him while he played golf. Sometimes I like to do that. Tuesday was super boring though and I thought I was going to jump out of my skin if I had to walk along & keep him company for 13 more holes. So, I told him I was going to walk home. He offered to give me the truck keys and call me to pick him up when he was done, but I wanted to walk. I enjoyed that walk SO much! It took me an hour and 20 minutes and my head felt so clear by the time I got home. Just what the doctor ordered. So, I asked him to drop me off the next day so I could do it again. I'm SORE, but I'm happy.

I've decided to follow in Jared's footsteps and walk to Subway for lunch too. Not every day, but when my slim-fast shake just doesn't sound good I've thrown on my tennis shoes and walked to get one of their healthier sandwiches. Apparently, knowing there's food waiting for me at my destination is also a good motivater. At this rate I should be at my goal weight by, oh... 2012. I already feel so much more energetic though.

Off subject... but I just have to tell you a couple of cute things Brooke said this week. Wednesday was her school pictures and she asked me to blow dry her hair so that it would lay smoother. As I was blow drying, she told me that she was excited about trying to get student of the month. If you get student of the month, you get to eat lunch with the principal and get your picture taken, etc. I asked her what she needed to do to get student of the month and she said, "Be attractive." I held back a laugh and asked her what she meant by "attractive" and she said to "show a person's worth by paying attention to what they say and looking them in the eyes when you talk to them." Now, I've gotta say it IS pretty attractive when someone does that, but I'm pretty sure she meant ATTENTIVE. The school has a character connection word for each month and I'm thinking this months word is attentive. Brooke's convinced that she'll get student of the month as long as she's attractive though. LOL

She was mercilessly teased by Lane the other night. Brooke has a white board in her room that she likes to write sentences on. She was at the end of her sentence and couldn't remember what to do.
"When do I get that period thing?" She asked.
"At the end of the sentence- right here.", I pointed.
Lane started laughing, "Not until you're at least my age."
Obviously going over her head, she screeched, "Mom said right here, Lane!"
Lane wouldn't drop it, "No, you're not old enough yet."
She argued, "I'm in first grade! I'm old enough!"
Lane laughed,"First grade ISN'T old enough Brooke."
And on and on they argued... until I finally convinced Lane that if he kept it up he would be sorry. Brooke never got it and Lane never stopped thinking he was the funniest person ever.

So, there you have it- a recap on my week. Tourists gawked at the chubby lady walking in the rain. The kids argued and said funny things. There was also some laundry and dishes and LOTS of soccer, but I figured I'd spare you the details on those parts of the week.

To Buy Or Not To Buy... That Is The Question

2008-09-22T10:06:00.000-07:00

To buy or not to buy... that is the question. I don't even want to know how much money I've actually spent over these 12 years of parenting on educational supplies. I'm a compulsive book buyer. We have flash cards, we have CD-Roms, we have workbooks and board games... not a whole lot of it has proven to raise my kids' grades signifigantly. So, when a telemarketer called me this morning to ~~guilt me into~~ try to sell me a CD-ROM system that supposedly raises your child's IQ by at least 30 points and brings them up 2 letter grades, I was both intrigued and skeptical. I had already spent an insane amount of money on something similiar just this summer. I had been planning on going to Sylvan, but this program was less expensive and we could use it in the comfort of our own home (Sylvan is a 40 minute drive away a few times a week after all.) I figured if it didn't work out we could always resort to Sylvan after we tried this other program. Well, school is now in session and we never did go to Sylvan. That isn't to say that the other program was so amazing that we didn't need to. I just didn't feel ~~like it would work~~ motivated to try yet another thing after so many other things hadn't gotten results.

Each Friday all the kids bring home progress reports and a certain someone continues to decorate his progress reports with a certain letter that starts the words Flaky and Fragile and Fail. I have NO idea what to do about this. I've tried SO hard. I read to him diligently from birth on. He grew up watching Sesame Street and Between The Lions and Magic School Bus. Like I said, we've invested in just about every educational product that we came across, especially the ones that are supposed to "trick" you into learning by making it into something fun (like a computer game.) Even my shower curtain is a giant world map (you never know what you might subconciously learn while in the bathroom after all.) I have FOUR kids and I've parented them all the same. They all have access to the same books & products & discipline. Yet, they all have different strengths and weaknesses. I have one kid pulling in straight A+'s and complaining he's bored and another that has such poor grades that we celebrate when he gets C's. Speaking of celebrating, we've also tried a variety of reward & incentive programs. None of them seemed to be rewarding enough / effective.

So... when the phone rang and this gentleman (who was a fabulous salesman, BTW) worked to convince me that I would be a horrible mother if I didn't give him a debit card number so that my kids could become genius rocket scientists that win the Nobel Prize,I didn't know what to think or feel. What do you think, educated reader? Haven't I spent enough moolah over the years in this department? If the school can't get him to learn and all these other products can't get through to him either... why should this one be any different? Or... maybe, just maybe I SHOULD get it. Maybe I should sell a kidney or something so that I can afford to hire the world's best tutors and buy every educational CD-ROM in the english language and a couple of french & spanish ones for good measure? What would you do?

So that's What Brooke Thinks Of Me...

2008-09-21T17:00:00.000-07:00

I found this idea on Kelly's blog & thought it was cute. Here's what Brooke answered:

1) What is something mom always says to you? I love you

2) What makes mom happy? when I'm nice to her

3) What makes mom sad? when the kids don't do what she says

4) What does you mom do to make you laugh? tell jokes

5) How old is your mom? 29

6) What was your mom like as a child? a good little girl

7) How tall is your mom? I don't know

8) What is your mom's favorite thing to do? go on the computer

9) What does your mom do when your not around? stay at home bored

10) If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for? because she's a rockstar

11) What is your mom really good at? cleaning

12) What is your mom not so good at? running

13) What does your mom do for her job? lock up the gates at night

14) What is your mom's favorite food? spicy???

15) What makes you proud of your mom? nothing

16) If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be? Dora's Mom

17) What do you and your mom do together? walk up Strawberry Hill

18) How are you and your mom the same? we're both girls

19) How are you and your mom different? I play and she doesn't

20) How do you know your mom loves you? because she says it

What Goes Up Must Come Down

2008-09-20T15:51:00.000-07:00

What goes up must come down. This applies to children's moods as well. You can bet that when my kids have had an exceptionally good day they're going to melt down at bedtime. You would think that having a good day would equal going to bed happy but this is simply not the way it works. In our family we refer to this phenomenon as "having too much fun." Yesterday was a VERY fun day. It started off with a hyped up PTA assembly at school. Then, I brought birthday cupcakes into Russell's 2nd grade class. As soon as Russell got off the bus his dad took him to play golf while we set up for his "surprise" party (that he had basically planned himself.) His friends & family came, wolfed down 9 pizzas, a carrot cake, cheesecake ripple brownies, vanilla ice cream, and root beer. He opened a ton of really cool presents and found out that his dad had actually found a way to get him the quad (actually two) that he hasn't stopped talking about for a month. He and his friends took turns riding the quads for an hour or so and when it was finally too dark to ride anymore we calmed down by watching Speed Racer. Seriously fun day. I think Tatton's face says it best:

Today... well, today was busy and fun as well. There were new birthday toys to play with and a special birthday breakfast to consume before we rushed off to multiple soccer games. Once the soccer games were out of the way there were quads to ride again, of course. Then, Russ decided to pull a klondike and take a swim in the lake even though it's a tad bit chilly out today. Back to back fun times. Until... too much fun. Taking turns on the quads (or the lack thereof) spurred a fist fight. I jumped in and seperated the brutes within moments, but blood was shed regardless. So, everyone was sent to their own corners for a little quiet time. It has been a LONG time since my kids have been young enough to have manditory nap time, but we broke manditory nap time out of retirement. As I sit here typing, all 4 children are in tears in their respective corners (again.) Which brings me to my point: slow & steady is the name of the game. Kids are WAY better off having fun in small doses, which is the best way to fully enjoy it. Fun & candy are very similiar in the sense that a little goes a long way and when you've overdosed you just don't feel so well because what goes up must come down.

Ode To Russell

2008-09-19T12:08:00.000-07:00

Eight years ago tomorrow we welcomed Russell into the world. I can't believe it's been that long! He has been such an amazing addition to our family and (as with all of our children) I can't imagine our world without him.

Russell enjoys all the stereotypical "guy" stuff. He loves anything with wheels, but especially quads and muscle cars. He loves playing "army guys", fishing, and building things (forts, bike jumps, taking apart things he's not supposed to take apart to try & turn it into something else...) He has an amazing talent for music and can sing really well and plays songs on the keyboard by ear (even though he's way too shy to let anyone see him do that.) His favorite foods are corn dogs and cheese quesadillas. He throws a mean spiral and is pretty good at golf for his age. He's such an interesting kid. He's one of the only kids I know that loves hard work and cleaning. He's very OCD-ish (actually he probably DOES have it since his big bro Lane really does and it is genetic.) He gets really particular about his room being organized & gets nervous about germs (he uses more neosporin and band-aids than anyone else I know.) Russell doesn't love to watch TV or movies and complains when his brothers are "too busy sitting around being lazy butts & couch potatoes" to play with him. He is incredibly protective of his little sister and even though he rolls his eyes and declares her "so spoiled" he is amazingly patient with her. All she has to say is "my legs are tired" and he scoops her up and carries her. (She really IS spoiled!) He's not a big fan of school work, but he likes recess and school lunches. I'm so proud of what an amazing man he's growing into and just want to take today to say how blessed I feel to have Russell for my son.

Tag- I'm It!

2008-09-18T09:27:00.000-07:00

Ten Natalie Quirks

1. I always have to have a variety of herbal teas in the house. I like to make tea (preferably peppermint, lemon, or chai spice) in a big mason jar. It's my favorite way to get lots of calorie free fluids and feel full all day without eating much.

2. I've been trying to practice letting go of my kids already. I've realized that I have a tendency to baby them and that even though my overprotecting seems like I'm just being a loving parent to me it can come across as me not believing in their ability to handle things on their own to them and that's not good for their self-esteem or their ability to work through things independently and come out stronger for it. So... I'm making a concious effort to back off. Which is kind of a funny thing since it means I'm now simultaneously being accused of being over AND underprotective by well meaning loud mouthed friends & family. Every one has an opinion...

3. I thrive on variety. I'm constantly rearranging my furniture, trying new recipes, changing the radio station... It really cracks me up since Dustin is super predictable. We're polar opposites in the sense that he's the adventurous sort who's gone sky diving and repeling and never drives the speed limit... but he doesn't like to try new foods and gravitates to the same style / color of clothes, etc. I'm not into extreme sports whatsoever and always set my cruise control when I'm driving, but I would go absolutely stir crazy if I wasn't able to change it up in other areas of my life. I can't even do the same exercise dvd two days in a row.

4. I feel kind of like a crazy person because I just KNOW that there is another soul out there that is supposed to be part of our family. It's hard to express the fact that you so strongly believe that your family isn't complete. I wouldn't feel so much like a crazy person if it weren't for the fact that I already have my hands full with 4 kids and I had my tubes tied. People really do look at you wierd when you try to explain that you somehow feel in your gut that there's "someone" missing.

5. I'm paranoid about water. I'm NOT a strong swimmer. I can swim when I'm in a pool and can see the bottom / the depth written on the side. I panic and can't swim when I'm in a lake / river and am nervous about drop-offs & stuff. Living here (sandwiched by water) has been interesting for me. I've been trying not to transfer my phobias to the kids though and want them to be strong swimmers (see quirk #2 above) so I frequently take them swimming in the lake and hold my breath to keep from screeching, "Don't go too deep! Watch out for the drop-off!" in a frazzled, the sky is falling voice.

6. Another thing that really scares me is that I don't think we're living off the land enough. Every time I pop a frozen pizza in the oven I feel a twinge of guilt & a punched in the stomach feeling of anxiety since I HATE leaving my family's nourishment in the hands of big business. Yet, I don't take the initiative to stop cooking those frozen pizzas! We did plant a couple of fruit trees, but I want a monstrous garden and chickens and... you get the point.

7. I LOVE to teach. It's a game to me. I love trying to come up with creative ways to make things stick in people's brains. Last school year I had the most fun volunteering in Brooke's kindergarten class and seeing those kids start to "get it" (especially the hispanic kids who come from non-english speaking homes. How awesome is it that they start off at the beginning of the school year barely able to speak english and they're beginning to read it by the end of the year?) Those kids are amazing! I wish I could learn stuff as quickly now as little kids are able to. Their minds are like sponges! I really would love to do some sort of tutoring / after school program in Grays Harbor. Being the parent of kids with extreme strengths and weaknesses I know that there aren't enough programs in our area for kids who are either struggling in school or gifted and bored. Being involved in something like that sounds like the ultimate hobby to me.

8. Wow- this is really long. I'm running out of quirks. Hmmm... I love music. I love that my kids love music and know the words to so many old or funky songs so that days like yesterday can happen. We were riding in the car (rushing from Cub Scouts to soccer) and Tatton starts a Fleetwood Mac medley of Don't Stop & Twisted Sister's We're Not Gonna Take It. Everyone joined in and the next thing I knew Tatton was laughing uncontrollably because he had taken my cell phone and recorded our singing and set it as my new ringtone. So, now everytime my phone rings I hear my kids rocking out and it makes me laugh.

9. This is the first fall that I haven't wanted to bake. Usually, this time of year rolls around and I start craving apple crisp and pumpkin bread and cinnamon rolls. It's strange that since school started I've only made homemade cookies for after school snack once. I hope that this means my diet is on track and healthiness is ahead in the near future.

10. I don't see how the people on Wife Swap could possibly be for real. I know people are strange, but how is it seriously possible that they're able to find this many extreme cases that are willing to go on television and act the way they do? It's like a car accident. It's so terrible that I can't take my eyes off of it. It's got to be scripted or something.

Well, that's me... pretty boring. If you're still reading I'm impressed.

Thanks Jenny, for the tag. I tag Chelsea, Kelly, and Annie (yes, I know you don't do tags.) Ten quirks about you, Ladies!

Surprise!

2008-09-17T14:32:00.000-07:00

Russell is planning his own surprise party. I suppose I should probably attempt to explain to him that it doesn't really work that way, but hey... at least the kid knows what he wants & is willing and able to go after it, I guess. Last night he informed me that his dad would be taking him to play golf and when they came back from playing golf everyone he knows will be there ready to jump out and yell, "Surprise!" After that, I will serve carrot cake with cream cheese frosting and we will present him with his new quad, dirt bike, or go cart (he's giving me three choices since he DOES like surprises.) As a parent, this sort of situation is sticky. I'm torn between the side of me that loves my child so much it hurts and can't stand the thought of disappointing him if and when his very precise ideals can't be met and the side of me that feels pinned against the wall by his expectations and feels a little like squashing his dreams before they get any bigger and therefore more unrealistic. (Boy, it sounds ugly when I say it like that...) Anyway, those of you who know me well know that I'm a people pleasing pushover so be expecting a party invitation.

Brain Cloud

2008-09-09T09:50:00.000-07:00

I remember growing up my Mom would say she had a "brain cloud". I believe it was the same ailment Tom Hanks suffered on Joe Vs. the Volcano. This morning as my head feels a certain foggy pressure I realize, brain clouds are genetic and I have one too. Or perhaps I have several brain clouds... I can't quite tell for sure, but from the feeling of it there could be a lot of clouds in there.

For those of you not in the know, Joe Versus the Volcano is a 1990 film about Joe Banks (Hanks) a downtrodden man working in a dimly lit factory with dimly lit co-workers and an argumentative boss. Banks is chronically unwell and listless, frequently visiting doctors who can find nothing wrong with him physically. One day, he visits Dr. Ellison, who diagnoses a fatal and incurable condition known as a "brain cloud". Ironically, the illness is not responsible for Joe's fatigue or symptoms; these were psychosomatic, caused by frightening experiences in his previous career as a fireman. The brain cloud has no symptoms, apart from quickly and painlessly killing him in about six months (frankly, not a bad way to go if you ask me.) Dr. Ellison suggests, "You have some time left, Mr. Banks. You have some life left. My advice to you is, live it well." Joe promptly quits his job, tells his boss off, and asks former co-worker DeDe (Ryan, in the first of her three roles) out on a date. It goes well, but when he tells her he's dying, she becomes upset and leaves. (Heck, I'm pretty soft-hearted but if I found out on the first date that the guy I liked was going to be dead in only six months I'm not entirely sure that I would want to take it further either.)

The next day, Joe is visited by wealthy industrialist Samuel Graynamore (Lloyd Bridges), who has a proposition for him. The tiny Pacific island called Waponi Woo is rich in deposits of a mineral called "bubaru" that Graynamore needs to manufacture superconductors. The inhabitants of the island, known as the Waponis, will let him mine the mineral, provided he can solve a problem for them. They believe that the volcano on their island must be appeased by a voluntary human sacrifice once every century, but none of the Waponis is willing to volunteer this time around. If Graynamore can provide a willing victim, he can have the mineral. Graynamore offers Joe the opportunity to "live like a king, die like a man." He further offers Joe credit cards to pay for whatever he wants, as long as he jumps into the volcano at the end. With nothing to lose, Joe agrees.

Joe spends a day and a night on the town in New York, where he solicits advice on style and life from wise chauffeur Marshall. Joe purchases an Armani tuxedo; for his valued assistance, Marshall also gets a tuxedo. Joe also buys four top-of-the-line, handcrafted, waterproof steamer trunks from a fanatically dedicated luggage salesman.

Joe then flies to Los Angeles, where he is met by one of Graynamore's daughters, Angelica (also played by Ryan), a shallow socialite who cautions him not to tell her anything, as she cannot keep a secret ("Daddy says I'm a flibbertigibbet!")- another word that my mom used a lot when we were growing up. i.e.: "Oh I just ran a red light! I'm such a flibbertigibbet!" The next morning, Angelica takes Joe to a yacht owned by her father. Among the crew is her half-sister, Patricia (Ryan again). Might I just add that Meg Ryan is one of those lucky women that loooks amazing no matter what color of hair she has. She pulls off three totally different looks beautifully in this movie. I'm jealous. Anyway... She had reluctantly agreed to take Joe to Waponi Woo after Graynamore promised to give her the yacht in return.

After an awkward beginning, Joe and Patricia begin to bond. Then they run into a typhoon. Patricia is knocked unconscious and flung overboard, but Joe rescues her. Lightning strikes the yacht, sinking it. Fortunately, Joe is able to construct a raft by lashing together his steamer trunks. Patricia does not regain consciousness for several days. Joe rations the small supply of water for her, while he gradually becomes delirious from thirst. Joe experiences a revelation during his delirium and thanks God for his life. When Patricia finally awakens, she is deeply touched that Joe gave her all the water. They then find that they have fortuitously drifted to their destination, Waponi Woo.

The Waponis treat them to a grand feast. Their chief asks one last time if anyone else will volunteer, but there are no takers and Joe heads for the volcano. Patricia tries to stop him, declaring her love for him. He admits he loves her as well, "but the timing stinks." Patricia gets the chief to marry them, which he hastily does.

Afterwards, Patricia refuses to be separated from Joe. When he is unable to dissuade her, they jump in together, but the volcano chooses that moment to erupt and they are blown out into the ocean. The island sinks, but Joe and Patricia are rescued by their trusty steamer trunks again. At first ecstatic about their miraculous salvation, Joe puts a damper on things by telling Patricia about his fatal brain cloud. She recognizes the name of Joe's doctor as that of her father's crony and realizes that Joe has been lied to. He isn't dying and they can live happily ever after if they survive being adrift at sea on raft made of steamer trunks.

All that to say... I also have a brain cloud. While I could surely benefit from some excitement (sometimes my life can seem a little like Joe's dimly lit office filled with dimly lit coworkers), I have no intention of jumping into a volcano anytime soon however. Right now I'm trying excedrin and lots of fluids. I wonder what my symptoms are psychosomatic of? I've never been a fireman. LOL

Tooth Fairies & Unfinished Business

2008-09-08T08:40:00.000-07:00

The Tooth Fairy came to our house last night. She came to see Brooke who had lost her first tooth. I'm sure she was confused since Russell has had his top two front teeth loose almost all summer and now his permanent teeth are growing in behind them and he still refuses to just yank those baby teeth out. Brooke, on the other hand, noticed her tooth was SLIGHTLY loose during dinner & surprised us by wiggling it into submission by bedtime. I've told you that girl is determined.

One of the many things that Brooke is determined about is not getting her fingernails clipped. I have seen her nails grow so long that the white part on top is literally 3 times as long as the pink part on bottom. It really bothers me. I let her get away with it for the summer, but told her that she was expected to clip them every Saturday night throughout the school year. She was putting up too good of a fight this Saturday night though, so in desperation I decided to sneak in and clip them while she was sleeping last night.

After I was certain she was sleeping soundly enough, I sneaked in and slipped a dollar bill under her pillow. I was so intent on getting those fingernails clipped that I moved right on to it and didn't take the tooth. I got about 6 nails done and she started to wiggle and talk in her sleep, making me suspect that she would wake up if I kept clipping so I tip-toed out of the room. I guess I should have stayed and finished the job 'cause she woke up anyway. In her light sleeping state, she sensed her shorter nails and started crying hysterically. That's the part I hate about clipping her nails while she's sleeping. She always flips out when she wakes up & finds out. Once, when I did it, she wouldn't fall asleep without a fight for a couple of weeks because she was afraid someone would "mess with my body when I'm sleeping". She couldn't let her guard down. Which made me feel horribly guilty for making my poor little girl so distrusting & paranoid! Anyway... back to the story...

There Brooke was bawling about her clipped nails and I couldn't calm her down & get her back to sleep. I apologized for disturbing her (apologies usually work wonders with Brookie) and told her that I had told her that she had to have them clipped once a week during the school year so it's not like she wasn't warned, etc. I tried to snuggle her and tickle her face while I told her stories, but she just wouldn't settle down. So, I told her good night and went to my own bed figuring that I would just let her cry herself to sleep. Her daddy took pity on her though. He would. He's the one who keeps insisting that I shouldn't worry about her excessively long nails. "She's a girl. Just take her in and have a manicure so they look clean & groomed." is his philosophy. I'm sorry. I'm not paying for a manicure for a six year old and it still grosses me out thinking about those crazy Ripley's Believe It or Not nails of hers.

So, Dustin went in and asked her what was wrong. She wailed, "Mom c-c-clipped my n-n-nails!" (sob) Dustin sympathized, "Oh, I'm sorry. Mean Mommy." Nice, honey... Then, he tried to distract her with, "hey, did the tooth fairy come yet?" She instantly stopped crying and looked under her pillow. "She gave me a dollar." Dustin spying the tooth still sitting there in the baggie said, "Oh! Look! She didn't take the tooth! I bet you she was here when you started throwing a fit and you scared her off. You better go back to sleep in case she's waiting to finish the job. I bet she was going to give you more money." Like magic, Brooke laid down and quickly went back to sleep.

So, I tiptoed in and left her more money and made sure to take the tooth this time. When I woke Brooke up for school this morning, she was STILL mad at me. So, I tried her dad's trick and told her to check under her pillow. "hey! She took the tooth and I have $2.50!" Which made all of her brothers run in saying, "WHAT?! She got $2.50?! No fair! We never got that much! Why did the tooth fairy give her so much?!" So, I had to spin a tale about inflation and how the tooth fairy must have raised her rates of compensation, etc. So, we apparently have a new more expensive standard now. Hopefully Russell will be able to part with those top two teeth soon in light of the new pricing policy.

Misconception

2008-09-06T09:15:00.000-07:00

I had the craziest dream last night. I dreamed I was pregnant. ~~I could see how I could get confused since I now weigh 5 pounds more than I did at 9 months with my heaviest pregnancy~~. So, that was weird. I think that the real reason is that it's something I've been thinking a lot about during my waking hours too. You see, the other night I was at Russell's soccer practice and one of the moms said that getting your tubes tied wasn't very effective after ten years. She claimed to know a bunch of ladies that had gotten pregnant post tubal.

Now, when I made the choice to get my tubes tied I researched it like crazy. So, I know that it's almost 100% permanently effective and that if I were to get pregnant it would most likely be a tubal pregnancy that would only result in a surgery rather than a baby. It's not like they simply "tie" them. They cut & cauterize them. That said... I got really excited and hopeful when she said that. My heart skipped a beat because in my mind, since it had been six years since I had my tubes tied there was a possibility that 4 years from now I could have a surprise baby.

Totally delusional, I know... but for some reason... I went home and googled it. Here's some of the stuff that I came across that further spurred my delusions:

Various sources report that pregnancy after tubal ligation is rare but does happen. About 18 in 1,000 women report a pregnancy within 10 years of having their tubes tied. The complication here is that women who become pregnant after having their tubes tied are at a greater risk for an ectopic pregnancy.

In these rare cases, the fallopian tubes often grow back together, allowing the egg to come down and be fertilized and then move into the uterus.

*Now, 18 women out of 1,000 isn't very many at all. So, I'm not getting my hopes up TOO high, but maybe... I also read:

Pregnancy may occur if:
- The tubes grow back together or a new passage forms (re canalization) that allows an egg to be fertilized by sperm. Your health professional can discuss which method of ligation is more effective for preventing tubes from growing back together.
- The surgery was not done correctly.

*See? There's that "grow back together" thing again! I wish I had X-Ray vision so I could catch a glimpse of my fallopian tubes miraculously regrowing. I somehow suspect that I could have some mutant starfish DNA and that when a body part has been cut off it will just regenerate / clone itself. Wouldn't that be interesting? (Okay, just to me, but...)

*Maybe my Doctor messed up. Sure, the surgery has apparently worked perfectly for 6 years. She could have messed up though, right? Not to mention, age is a factor. Meaning, the younger you were when you had your tubes tied the higher probability of it failing. Hello! I was only 23 when I had it done... practically a given.

Anyway... just thought I'd be honest and let everyone know that I'm completely delusional and I keep allowing myself to think that maybe, just maybe I could actually get pregnant and that I love the thought of it. Probably not very psychologically healthy, but I think I'm gonna keep reading all of the stories of "miracle babies" that I find everytime I google this. Oh yeah, and I'm gonna try drinking the special tea that is supposed to encourage your tubes to heal... LOL Anyone know a good therapist?

Random Ramblings

2008-09-05T09:53:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking about a lot of random stuff lately. Like:

I really loathe ferrets. They're scary. They smell awful. I know there are tons of people out there that adore them and keep them as pets, but um, eww... We have a bunch of wild ferrets that live around our house and it really creeps me out when I go outside and I see one dodge & dart near me. I've been seeing them so much that I googled them and came across all kinds of websites for people who love them. I even found a site that sells ferret evacuation kits to people who are worried about being prepared in case of a natural disaster. The only ferret evacuation kit I'm interested in is finding a way to get them to evacuate from my neighborhood. If this offends anyone's ferret loving sensibilites- seriously... bring a trap & catch them. Free ferrets!

Did you hear about the elephant that is recovering from a heroin addiction? They were apparently feeding it heroin laced bananas to try to keep it under their control, but it seems that plan backfired since the elephant couldn't even be restrained with its iron chain when denied its fix. I just can't help but wonder how anyone could be that stupid. Why on earth would anyone want to create a 14,000 pound junkie? Aren't the scabby, 97 pound ones scary enough? Can you imagine how much methadone it must have taken to wean an animal of that size off of heroin?

And what about schools switching to a 4 day week to save money? What do you think about that? I, personally, wouldn't mind it. The schools would save an enormous amount of money by not having to provide bussing, it would lower electric bills, less meals served, etc. and we would get a 3 day weekend all the time. Which would make scheduling Dr. appointments without missing school and catching up on assignments (if you've ever had a child who brings home the majority of their unfinished work you know what I'm talking about!) a lot easier. There are really only 6 hours in a school day, so by adding an hour and a half to the other four days of the week the kids would still be getting the same amount of hours of school in. Which in itself could be really helpful to some families that struggle to find good after school care options for their kids between the hours that school gets out and the parents get off work. Of course, the child care thing could be a problem in the sense that all of a sudden there would be a lot of families that would need child care on Fridays if they still had to work that day and there was suddenly no school. So, certain programs would probably have to be put into place (perhaps agencies like the Boys & Girls Club, the YMCA, local area day cares, etc.) for that. I don't know... I'm all for it. I'd be willing to send my kids to 4 days of school and open up a day care that offers field trips & tutoring type stuff for school age kids on Fridays.

And last but not least... whose idea was it to make lawns out of grass? What a nuisance. Out of all the groundcover options available- grass? Why couldn't somebody have introduced dandelions? They're obviously genetically dominant. At our house, we thatched and aerated the lawn. Reseeded with a high quality grass seed. Fertilized with weed & feed. You want to know what 75% of our lawn is? Dandelions! They're the cockroach of the gardening world. You think you've eradicated them and Bam! "they're Baaackk-" So, why do we fight it? Why haven't we embraced them as a society and done like we do with all things obnoxious- made them socially acceptable? I want to see Homeowner's Associations with CCR's that say "Your lawn must have X amount of square feet of dandelions". Sure, a lush green lawn is beautiful, but dandelions are clearly just a higher species. Just saying...

Where's Russell?

2008-09-04T09:19:00.000-07:00

Yep. We all survived the first day back to school. Well, pretty much. Russell's teacher called me at the end of the day and told me that he was probably going to be a little upset when he got off the bus. He was. Very. Apparently, he was at PE and all of the students went to the water fountain to get drinks. Another group of students walked by the water fountains and he got confused and latched himself on to their group (thinking it was his class) and followed them to recess. So, there he was playing at recess with this other group while his teacher & several other staff members frantically tried to find him. It sounds like it took quite a long time. They finally had to call his name over the intercom, which humiliated super shy Russell so he froze & hid.

His teacher was obviously stressed about this and had a talk with him about following directions & listening. Which made him shut down even more since he felt like he was in big trouble when he didn't do anything wrong on purpose. In his mind, he had followed his class to recess (and just didn't realize it wasn't his class since he didn't know anyone anyway) but it seemed to her like he had just chosen to go play instead of being where he was supposed to be and that when he wasn't answering / coming when they called him that he was being stubborn. So, there was basically a big communication issue.

It's all pretty funny when you think about a little almost eight year old getting confused & going to recess with the wrong group while a search party is forming for him, in hindsight. He was mortified at the time though. His biggest complaint "they said my name on the intercom!" makes sense since Russ hates being the center of attention more than just about anything. We went to Cub Scouts after school and he was too exhausted to participate so he went and took a nap instead. Then, I let him choose dinner (Subway works for me!) and he fell asleep again after dinner. I wasn't sure what to expect the next morning and was somewhat prepared for a fight to get him to go back to school, but he was surprisingly the first one of the kids ready. As he trudged off to the school bus I thought my heart was going to explode with pride at his resilience. Here's hoping he doesn't get lost again. That's the sort of thing that could only happen once, right? Right?

And Exhale...

2008-09-03T08:45:00.000-07:00

Just another day in the life of a helicopter mom. Always hovering. Always lots of things spinning & up in the air. I decided to put the kids on the bus for the first day of school. Then, I stalked it. When I got into the school parking lot (feeling like a retard for trying to find that one elusive parking spot when I didn't even have any kids with me) I saw all of the cute, happy little families walking hand in hand to find their classrooms and felt a twinge of guilt for throwing my poor children out into the cruel world of public bussing and finding their classrooms on their own. Hey, at least I followed the bus I thought. It occurred to me that I was perhaps slightly like a spirit mom (watching from afar.) They couldn't see me or hear me but I was there nonetheless ready to jump in and rescue them & give them guidance if they needed it.

I had given Tatton the "special" job of making sure everyone got to their classrooms. (Why is it that I can't even say special without feeling like I'm making fun of someone now? Why did they have to go and ruin that word?) Anyway... At the open house last night I noticed that it worked out well that Tatton's class was the furthest from the bus drop-off zone since he's gone to that school longer than the other kids. So, as they walk from the bus together they drop off each kid as they come to their class door with Tatton's class being last right after Brooke's. I sat in my car anxiously observing to make sure that he was, in fact, the good big brother that I suspected and that he chaperoned his little sister to her class. Once I witnessed that my anxiety ALMOST subsided & I was able to drive home to my QUIET house.

Coming home to a quiet house is a very bittersweet thing. While it's entirely delicious to have 6 straight hours to do what I want / need to do without interruption there is an underlying guilt aspect that adds it's own stress. It's sometimes hard enough to explain being a stay at home mom when you have preschoolers. When all of your kids are in school full time people tend to look at you weird & ask rude questions. I'd like to use this blog to publicly make a statement. I just want to shout out into the universe, "No I do not sit around watching soap operas and eating bon bons all day, okay?!"

It was kind of nice over the summer in the sense that with 4 busy kids around staying home seemed justified. When I had 4 tag-alongs at the grocery store nobody questioned my busy-ness level. In fact, people would comment on how I had my "hands full" and ask if I was going for a basketball team. At the beginning of September though those comments change to "must be nice" (if you heard the tone that it's said in you would understand what's implied) and "what do you do with yourself?"

Okay, I'll be the first to say that it IS nice. Those 4 kids don't magically take all of their needs with them to school. They still generate a ton of laundry. They still need me to grocery shop & cook for them. There are still dentist appointments. I volunteer in their classrooms and chaperon on field trips. The six hours that school is in session fly by in a flurry of chores & errands. I feel bad because I just barely pull it all together and so I have no idea how moms who work full time do it. I'm in awe. I feel like I NEED to be home to give my family the mom & wife that they deserve. It makes me kind of resent the women's rights movement because back when my grandma was raising her kids practically all of the moms stayed home. Now, most women HAVE TO work and they're still doing all of the stuff that they were before too. Dustin prefers for me to stay home, so that works for me. As long as he doesn't make any (totally innocent) comments like he made last night. I was filling out all of the kids' paperwork for school and he was impatiently waiting for me to snuggle up & watch a movie with him. He said, "I just figured you could do that tomorrow on your nice, relaxing day off when the house is quiet." I snapped, "It's not a relaxing day off!" and threatened to get a full time job.

Don't people know that being a helicopter mom is exhausting?

Last Second Touchdown

2008-09-02T15:58:00.000-07:00

This week has been insane (I THINK in a good way.) Getting 4 kids ready for back to school feels a little like running a marathon with bags of sand strapped to your ankles. Of course, being the procrastinator that I am hasn't made things easier by any means. I'm sure it would have been lovely to have gotten my kids' school supplies back when they first stocked the shelves with them instead of running around to multiple stores desperately searching for a place that wasn't out of paper and pencils. I am SO stoked that I hit the Labor Day sales at Value Village yesterday and made a haul though. I found some great stuff. My favorite was a little navy blue pleated Tommy Hilfiger jumper for Brooke. It still had the original tag on it from Macy's for $39.99 but I got it for $2.50. How sweet is that?

Today was all about tying up loose ends. Getting the kids' hair cut, picking up Russell's new glasses, making sure all the new clothes & supplies & lunch money are ready to go for tomorrow.. I spent a good deal of the summer running the kids to a menagerie of appointments with the objective of not having to miss any school during the school year. That would have been a splendid plan if we happened to go to any medical practices that had a competent staff. We've apparently had a running theme of having our appointments rescheduled without anyone calling us. That happened again this afternoon for Brooke's post-op check-up with the ENT (which is an hour and a half from our home.) I drove 10-15 miles per hour over the speed limit all the way there anxiously trying to get there on time just so they could tell me that the doctor wasn't in and I needed to reschedule. Dustin said I should have demanded a fuel reimbursement but I'm not gutsy like that. I just got my parking validated & walked out with my tail between my legs. What I WAS upset about was that they wanted to reschedule her for Thursday (her second day of school.) The whole point of having the appointment today was so that we didn't have to worry about it during the school year! So, that's irritating.

As I said, we've had this sort of thing happen A LOT this summer. The worst offender has been Lane's therapist. For starters, their practice is in a big old brick building with multiple entrances. For his evaluation, we went in one side of the building. So, when we went back I went in that same door. The receptionist told me that we were supposed to go to the other side of the building in the West entrance. So, we hurried and found the door with the W on it just to be told that our appointment had been rescheduled to the next day. I expressed that I would try to make that since it was important to me that he was seen but that it was highly inconvenient to have to arrange childcare for the other 3 kids yet again, etc. The next day, we rushed down there and went in the West entrance. The receptionist told me that I needed to go to the building across the street. Bizarre musical doors, but okay... and guess what? Our appointment had been rescheduled. We STILL haven't gotten in even though I've wasted a tank of gasoline & secured childcare repeatedly. I started to wonder if this wasn't part of the therapy? Are they TRYING to make me crazy so that they make more money off us when we finally get seen? I'm sure I'll be full on certifiable by then & I wasn't even the original patient!

Tagged by Kristin

2008-09-01T22:22:00.000-07:00

I was tagged! Better watch out- I'm probably gonna tag you next!

my 3 joys:

my family & friends
getting out & enjoying nature
going shopping & scoring awesome deals

my 3 fears:

having something terrible happen to my kiddos
I'm paranoid about heights & water
some creep / wild animal in the dark when I lock up the park at night

my 3 current obsessions:

losing weight & getting healthier
my kids having a successful school year this year
watching Nancy Grace hoping to find out what exactly happened to Caylee Anthony

my 3 surprising facts:

even though I have 4 kids already I still want to adopt more (most days)
I wish polygamy wasn't against the law 'cause I could really use some help sometimes
I think healthy food tastes better than junk food which makes me wonder how I managed to put on this much weight?

I tag:
Chelsea
Kelly
Whitney
Tia
Sue

The rules are: 3 joys, 3 fears, 3 current obsessions/collections, 3 surprising facts and then tag 5 other people. Leave a comment for the people you've tag so they know they have been tagged.

After A While

2008-08-31T18:26:00.000-07:00

My friend Lisa is reading a very good book entitled "Perfect Daughters". It is about the adult daughters of alcoholics. She shared this poem on her blog and I thought it was very moving.

AFTER A WHILE

After a while you learn
the subtle difference between
holding a hand and chaining a soul
and you learn
that love doesn't mean leaning
and company doesn't mean security.
And you begin to learn
that kisses aren't contracts
and presents aren't promises
and you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up and your eyes ahead
with the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child
and you learn
to build all your roads on today
because tomorrow's ground is
too uncertain for plans
and futures have a way of falling down
in mid-flight.
After a while you learn
that even sunshine burns
if you get too much
so you plant your own garden
and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone
to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure
you really are strong
you really do have worth
and you learn
and you learn
with every good-bye, you learn...

-Veronica A. Shoffstall

Minute Maid

2008-08-30T19:46:00.000-07:00

I've entitled this post Minute Maid because by my estimate I've done about one minute of house work today. I should really be scrubbing my kitchen floor instead of blogging. Alas, you get where my priorities are. It's been a great day. I'm a little worn out between yesterday's school clothes shopping and then going to Olympia with Kyla right after I got home from shopping & not getting back until almost midnight. I decided to take my kids to the festivities in town anyway though. I couldn't pass up free fun. We went to the library and did the Bug Hunt, which was a scavenger hunt to find the words for a crossword puzzle. The kids loved it and loved their prizes even more (coupons to McDonald's for an ice cream cone and a gold dollar coin.) There was also free put-put golf and two bouncy houses (which my boys got kicked out of for jumping too rough.) My eccentric little rockers were digging the live music and especially loved the Johnny Cash songs.

As usual, my kids provided fun commentary throughout the day. Tatton (the spotlight addict) asked me if I was going to blog about some of the things he said, so here's my favorite: We were walking past the police station and Lane said, "Remember when we do the downtown trick or treat and they give away those baggies with candy?" Tatton said, "Yeah, that's cool 'cause we know we can trust them. What kind of police officer would poison Halloween candy? Well... that would be a good way to catch a sweet toothed bad guy." Then, when he asked if I was going to blog that (is it wierd that my kids now expect me to blog the things they do and say?) he tried to convince me to edit it so that he had said, "a sweet toothed serial killer" in case people thought poisoning a plain old bad guy was too extreme. "After all, the poison could be lethal and that might be considered the death penalty and that wouldn't be justified." I just said, "Whatever, Tatton. I'm not going to edit my blog for you. Sorry. First comment stands."

Then, this evening was Cody Helm's baptism. That was neat. I can't believe Cody is already as old as he is. He looked so happy and handsome walking in with his daddy all fresh and clean from the font. It's amazing how there really is a certain maturity & understanding that comes right around this age. I've noticed it recently in Russell too. He's just more conscious than he used to be. Walking through the mall yesterday he was keenly aware of his surroundings and trying to behave. Maybe it was just because his sister was being so terrible that it made him look good, but he seemed like he had recently developed more self-control and responsibility. It's crazy to think that these little guys were so much littler not that long ago. Makes the reality of them becoming grown-ups before too long seem all too real. :-(

Well, I guess I should go start some house work. See if I can go from the minute maid to the 10 minute maid...

Mourning, Folks!

2008-08-30T09:09:00.000-07:00

Friends, I am in mourning. I'm mourning the loss of the ability to have any control whatsoever over what my daughter wears. Which, by extension means I'm mourning the loss of her being a little girl.She's morphed into one of those stubborn big girls that have definite opinions and her own taste separate from mine. So sad. I know that you know from previous posts on this blog that she's a very opinionated girl. I kinda like that about her. Sometimes when I look at her (yesterday at the mall) the saying "Well behaved women never make history" pops into my head and I think it's neat that she is so stubborn. However... I'm never taking her shopping again. (Okay, that's not true. Apparently, sometime in the next several years I'm gonna have to break down and take her, but...)

You see, Brooke knows what she likes and doesn't like. She doesn't like anything too girly and she doesn't like anything too "boy-ey". Meaning, she was gravitating to leopard print since to her it made a statement of "I'm not a girly girl that wears just pink but it's not all blue either- although boys like animals so this is kind of a tom boy outfit that's feminine. " (Her line of thought. Not mine.) Comfort is always of utmost importance and she believes practically all pants are going to give her a wedgie so she flips out, "I can't wear THAT! It'll get a wedgie!!!" whenever I offer her a pair of jeans. So, I offered her skirts and baby doll dresses with soft leggings. "Too cute! I can't go to school looking that cute!", she spazzed out.

One of my favorite reasons to go to the Children's Place is that you can coordinate things. I've been cyber stalking their new fall looks since they first came out in June. So, I had certain things already picked out in my head when we arrived at the store. I made the mistake of acting like I liked them though. Never say, "Oh! Look at how cute it is that these socks and hair pretties match this sweater!" to my daughter! She went all exorcist on me. "I hate too much matching!!!"

The one thing I wasn't worried about buying was shoes. In general, she has a shoe fetish (never take her in the shoe aisle if you don't want to see her get a raging case of the gimmes.) Plus, there are usually plenty of shoes that fit her description of comfy and not too girly or too boy-ey. Maryjane's and tennis shoes and crocs for instance. Did my darling little girl stick to those though? Of course not. She latched on to a pair of glittery red slippers just like Dorothy's from The Wizard of Oz. I mean, they WERE cute. They just didn't really go with anything else she had and more importantly, they weren't practical. I tried to use the, "Can you wear those to PE and recess?" excuse. I kid you not, she said, "Well, I'm not SUPPOSED to, but I can just pretend like I forgot it was PE day or you could send a note." What a girl. Am I the only one who thinks that a leopard print sweat suit and glittery red dress shoes isn't a great look?

In the past, I've had success with buying the stuff I want anyway and forcing her to wear it one way or another. For a long time, she was fairly easy to bribe. If she didn't want to wear something I would simply say, "Hey, maybe we should stop and get a treat. If you hurry and get dressed in this we can get to the store faster and choose our treat." or something along those lines. She's gotten WAY too smart for that though, so I didn't bother buying anything she didn't like. Worse, I caved and bought a couple of items that I thought were hideous because I knew she loved them and that she would at least get ready without a fight in the morning.

The only part that REALLY killed me was that I wasn't able to get her hair cut. I had full intentions to get her a cute little back to school cut. We've always compromised on a bob. She wants her hair in a shorter pixie / boy cut. She LOVES chunky layers too. So, I get her an inverted bob and we're both happy. Not this time. She's really good at holding still during the hair cut. So, when she was shaking her head around excessively I knew that she was playing hard ball. I tried to be strict and make her behave and she snarled, "I want you to cut my hair really short so my mom can't put any hair pretties in it or I'm not holding still and getting any hair cut!" to the lady. So, I marched her little butt out of there without any back to school hair cut.

Then, she bawled. Like a two year old. I strained to get her writhing body across the crowded mall and through the busy parking lot and shoved her kicking and screaming into the back seat of my car and made sure the doors were set on child lock so she couldn't escape. Then, we sat there. For a really long time. Waiting for her to calm down. Finally, I told Russell how impressed I was with how well behaved he had been all day long and that since he was buckled and quiet I was going to get him an ice cream sundae at McDonald's. Brooke sat up straighter, "I (gasp for breath) wa-wa-wa-want an I-I (gasp for breath) ice cream s-s-sundae. (sigh)
"Well, you have to be good."
"I'll be good."
"Okay, if you promise you're ready to be nice."

We drove the maybe two minute drive over to McDonald's and just as I start to pull through the drive-thru she starts screaming again. All I can say is that poor lady taking our order. I can only imagine what Brooke's banshee cries sound like through a microphone. So, Russell ate his yummy ice cream sundae with Brooke watching him while screaming, "It's not fair! Turn around! I'll be nice! Why does Russell get one? I'll be nice!" The whole 30 minute drive home.

Now... it's my turn to say "No Fair!!!" I had three boys first and when I finally got a girl I can't even have fun dressing her! I sure hope this stubborn side serves her well and she does something good with it when she grows up. Like makes history.

Desperately Seeking Skinny Pants: Brutal Honesty

2008-08-30T00:38:00.000-07:00

Desperately Seeking Skinny Pants: Brutal Honesty

Accountability Anyone?

2008-08-29T08:59:00.000-07:00

So... I've been obsessing about weight loss lately as you well know by now. In light of that, I've decided to start a new weight loss blog in addition to this blog to have a place to vent / be held accountable. Every time I feel like blogging, the first subject that pops in my head is to blog about my diet & exercise. I don't really want to do that here on Hensley Herald though, since I was hoping to have this site mainly centered around my kids and current events, etc. so that I can have it bound into a book for posterity like a journal. I cringe to think that if I allowed myself to just blog about fitness, my grandkids would be reading my journal someday and have nothing more than, "Grandma lost an inch off her bust at the end of August '08." So... being the blabber mouth that I am- feel free to check out BOTH my blogs. LOL You can find me over @ Desperately Seeking Skinny Pants!

Five Is The Loneliest Number

2008-08-28T13:43:00.000-07:00

My adorable little sister is spending some time with us. I love having her here, there is only one small problem: all of the kids fight over her. Brooke comes up to me complaining that she's getting left out. Then, Russell mysteriously complains that Kelsey & Brooke are leaving him out. I'm not sure how it's possible for them both to be left out at the same time, but we've apparently mastered the art. Tatton & Kelsey are basically the same age, so they play together a lot. Brooke & Kelsey are the only girls so they play together a lot too. Lane doesn't always fit into that equation, so he throws a fit about how nobody plays with him. Russell is typically happy playing with the "leftover" kid who is also left out. That is, until Kelsey asks that kid to play with her and Russell gets dropped like a hot potato and he gets his feelings hurt and decides to hurt whoever's feelings HE can. See what I'm saying? There's so much social drama in this house that if I didn't know better I would assume I was in a junior high.

I can only conclude that I knew what I was doing when I had my tubes tied. Many, many times since then I have regretted doing it, but not when we have a 5th kid here. I'm not big on uneven numbers. For some bizarre reason people always pair off and someone gets left out. I remember when I was growing up there were 3 of us girls that were the same age in my neighborhood. You would think that it would be the more the merrier, but we were incapable of all getting along at the same time. I would frequently run home crying to my mom that Emily and Alicia were playing together & wouldn't let me play with them. Before you feel sorry for me, I have to admit, probably more frequently I was the little brat saying, "No we're the best friends and you can't play!" It seemed perfectly natural to be so cruel when I was a kid. Now, I can't imagine acting that way. I'm hoping that means that my kids will grow out of this too. I don't know how much longer I can take, "Get out! This is our fort!" and "Mommmm- Kelsey and I were watching this movie first and we don't want them to watch it with us!" I mean, seriously? Fighting over sitting in the same room staring at the TV in unison? You've got to be kidding me.

This is, of course, largely due to the fact that Kelsey is a novelty. She's a visitor that is here often enough for everyone to have bonded with her but not often enough for the newness of her being around to wear off. The times that she's been here for more extended periods of time the tug-of-war seems to subside and we kind of find our natural rhythm. My kids also do this when we babysit a baby or toddler too. Every one wants to hold the baby and heaven forbid anyone shake the rattle or talk baby talk better than anyone else. So, I suppose it's not that having 5 kids is awful. I guess if we had another we would acclimate just like the times before. Right now though, it seems like 5 is the loneliest number that there ever was.

This Is My Town

2008-08-27T14:43:00.000-07:00

Every once in a while...there's a rare occasion... once in a blue moon... when I feel great love & appreciation for my hometown. Today is one of those days. You see, earlier I was talking on the phone to a friend of mine about school clothes shopping. I told her that I was going to hit some Labor Day sales this weekend. Value Village is having a particularly good one. She asked me if my kids would just die if I bought their clothes there. The answer is honestly- no. My kids could care less about which store we shop at/ what brand name they wear/ or even current trends for that matter. I realized, I think a lot of the reason for that is that we live in good 'ole small town Elma. I'm sure if we lived even 30 minutes away in Olympia there would be a lot more emphasis on clothes. Last school year, the only clothing item my sons asked for was romeos (an item that fits into the description of buying your clothes and your car batteries at the same place.) I shop at Ross, Walmart, and Target which is pretty much where all of the other kids in their class's families shop. It's one of the many things that I take for granted living here. Life is just simpler as compared to some other places.

I also like the lack of traffic. Sure, being a one stop light town is great for jokes, but seriously- one stop light. How nice is that? There is only one intersection in the entire downtown area that you have to wait at a red light. The worst traffic jam I've ever seen is simply when people have to actually slow down to the speed limit through the school zones. I've been known to complain that we only have one grocery store and I wish it stocked more items (you do have to make a 30 minute trip to get certain items- apparently there isn't a huge demand for tofu noodles and organic stuff here) but I know that store like the back of my hand - which makes for a speedy shopping trip as long as I don't run into someone and start talking. Which is nearly impossible since even going through the checkout line means visiting with the employees (most of whom I either grew up with / grew up with their kids.)

Sometimes knowing everyone is problematic. Occasionally, I think it would be nice to move to a land far, far away where no one knows anything about me and my extended family. Having your kids have the same teachers that you did has it's pros & cons, of course. To our family, I think the pros of living here outweigh the cons though. Last night, Brooke & I power walked up Strawberry Hill while Russell was at soccer. Growing up that was my stomping grounds. It was so fun to be able to answer Brooke's questions: "What color was that house when you were a kid?" , "Do the same people still live on this street?", "Did you used to pick apples from that tree when you were a kid like me?"

As August has neared its end and the grey skies and rain have engulfed us, thoughts of moving somewhere sunny and warm or at least somewhere that has 4 seasons have crossed my mind. I think when it comes down to it though, this is where I want to be. In my safe & familiar small town where my kids care more about climbing trees than fashion and the most I ever need for directions is a street name.

There's a for sale sign on a big old' rusty tractor
You can't miss it, Its the first thing that you see
Just up the road, a pale blue water tower
With "I Love Jennie" painted in bright green
Hey That's my Uncle Bill there by the courthouse
He'll be lowering the flag when the sun goes down
And this is My town

(Nana na na na)
Yeah this is my town
(Nana na na na)

HEY! Where I was born
Where I was raised
Where I keep all my yesterdays
Where I ran off cause I got mad
And it came to blows with my old man
Well I came back and settled down
It's where they'll put me in the ground
Yeah this is My town

(Nana na na na)
Yeah this is My town
(Nana na na na)
My town

- Montgomery Gentry

BTW, I tried to include a photo of downtown Elma but whenever I googled it I kept getting a link for e-podunk.com. Seriously. LOL

Sugar Is The Devil

2008-08-25T13:45:00.000-07:00

I've had one resounding theme continually running through my mind today: sugar is the devil. For starters, we went camping this weekend. Let me just say: going camping with Dustin when you are on a diet sucks. He is a person who really likes tradition. I have never gone on a camping trip with him that didn't involve massive amounts of junk food. That's part of his camping tradition. On his list of must-haves: a big breakfast with pancakes drowning in butter and maple syrup, bacon, sausage, eggs, & hot cocoa with marshmallows. Lunch is chili dogs and potato chips. Dinner is cheese burgers and more potato chips. Water is a bad word and he totes along a few cases of pop and some capri-suns. There are snacks of course: chips ahoy, twizzlers, pop tarts, more potato chips. And who could forget the unlimited smores? Aside from the fact that I'm dieting and didn't appreciate the temptation and the "can't you just take a break from your diet for the weekend?" comments, I came to realize what my biggest problem with this menu is: my kids are behaving HORRIBLY now. I barely remember what their voices sounded like before whining and screaming took over. And just try to get them to eat anything healthy. My kids are, as compared to most, not picky. They're adventurous eaters who generally love veggies and whatever else you put in front of them. That is, until they've been fed a steady diet of saturated fat and refined sugar for 48 hours straight. All of a sudden, they're turning up their noses to meals & raiding the pantry acting like they just know I've hidden something good somewhere so they can get their fix. I can't stand it.

Oh yeah, and by the way... I finally got up the nerve to step on that new scale. Yep, sugar is the devil.

I Love Boys

2008-08-21T10:17:00.000-07:00

I'm taking the kids to the eye doctor this afternoon and I figured while we were down there we could pick up some school clothes. So, I asked my boys what they thought they needed. Russell scoffed, "I already have clothes. I don't need more." Lane said that he did need clothes but only a couple pairs of jeans and a new pair of shoes. Tatton also insisted that his clothes from last school year still fit him and were in decent enough shape. Brooke on the other hand.... Brooke's list is rather lengthy. I think she's convinced I should spend all the money I've potentially saved by having 3 sons first all on her. Here she is barely 6, going into the first grade, and she thinks she needs a pair of shoes for each outfit. Can we say diva? Now, I'll admit: this IS my fault. Since I saw that ultrasound and knew I was finally having a girl I've swooned over hair pretties and tights. I've made too big a deal out of my excitement to see some pink stuff in our home. But- Oh. My. Gosh. What a stark contrast to my boys' "I don't need much, Mom." Wish me luck taking this primadonna shopping this afternoon!

Here's My Cop Out

2008-08-20T21:54:00.000-07:00

First of all, where exactly does the term cop out come from? I realized when I typed it that it's one of those things that you say and when you think about it you don't really know for sure what it means. It could be offensive / derogatory. ??? Anyway... here IS my cop out: You know how I said in my last post that I was trying hard to workout & exercise? Well, I feel like crap. BAD. It's clear to me that I really NEED to lose weight to feel better. However, I think I may be one of those people that are the reason for the cautionary "consult a physician before" stuff. This has happened every time I've tried to lose weight over the last few years. It's one of the reasons that I always give up. Last time (a couple of months ago) Dustin asked me to quit dieting since he couldn't stand it (me) anymore. I just get so wimpy. Now, I tell myself that it makes sense for me to be low on energy at first. If you're cutting back on calories/ carbs (AKA energy) of course you're gonna feel a little less energetic until you get used to it. Also, I've personally made the mistake of using carbs to boost my serotonin levels at times. (Bread IS a really good anti-depressant.) Well... at least until you gain so much weight that it depresses you.

I just question whether feeling THIS sick is a normal part of losing weight??? I kind of think I'm diabetic or something. This morning I took the kids to the dentist @ 8:00 AM after eating a 120 calorie protein bar. By the time I left the dentist @ 8:45 my lips and hands were numb and I had blurred vision. I strongly debated on whether it was responsible to drive or not. So, I ran into the gas station and grabbed a V-8 which made me feel somewhat better and allowed me to drive home. As soon as I got in the door, I crashed on the couch and have had a major migraine all day. I've taken way too much excedrin, drank tons of water and caffeine, still my headache keeps getting worse and I'm so weak (like my bones are made of jello and I have cement in my shoes.) Dustin walked in the door from work and said, "Wow. You look as bad as you feel." I asked him how he thought I felt and he said, "You feel like crap, don't you? You must be trying to lose weight again."

So, basically, I'm just thinking.... (here's the cop out part) why exactly am I doing this to myself and maybe I should just skip the trying to lose weight on my own thing and just go see a doctor instead? Maybe there's some underlying issue and if I got it fixed then I could lose weight? Am I just a total wuss? I mean, I gave birth naturally with no meds 4 times and survived. Why can't I handle a little diet & exercise? I don't want to be one of those people that are always making excuses and blaming their weight problem on a medical condition. I remember as a teenager I was sitting with my family at an all you can eat place and giggling over a woman at the table next to us who was so big that she took the whole side of a booth up herself. She was complaining about her weight being caused by a thyroid problem as she dug into the multiple plates in front of her. I don't want to be that lady, but you know, what if? I can deprive myself of all kinds of yummy stuff and sit back happily eating broccoli while my kids nosh on pizza. I just can't be sick like this and be so dead on my feet that I can't even function / take care of said pizza eating children...

It's Crunch Time

2008-08-18T19:04:00.000-07:00

We had a back to school drill this morning. I set the alarm and we got up and commenced to pretend to try to not miss the bus. We rushed through breakfast, brushed our teeth and hair, and got dressed down to socks and shoes. Brooke even remembered to grab her backpack. Then, after feeling satisfied that we had in fact all gotten ready by 7:30 and had not missed our imaginary bus we had nothing more planned all day. Only one problem with this scenario: being bored by 7:30 AM does not make for a short day whatsoever. So, we did pretend school work for an hour. Hmmm... 8:30. Now what? We went through the motions during a few chores. 9:15... Luckily for me, the kids got creative and were fairly occupied & well behaved the rest of the day. Here's what they did first:

These pictures aren't fabulous. I had to take them with my camera phone since my good camera's battery was dead. I think they're pretty cute though. This shark was left in our storage shed by the people who lived here before us. The kids dug it out and took turns being eating alive. The "blood" on Russ is taco sauce. Then, they got out a tub of homemade play dough and came up with some fairly imaginative creations. We started to refinish a dresser for Brooke's room. Word to the wise, never attempt painting furniture with 4 children if you want decent results. I'm trying to look at the crazy streaked and clumpy paint job as a personal touch that makes the dresser "special".

In other news.... my daughter has become my biggest inspiration for losing weight. I believe she may have a future in being a personal trainer or perhaps an image consultant. It started last week when I took the kids swimming. I, of course, was sitting on the shore observing while wearing shorts and a t-shirt. Brooke walks up and says, "Why don't you swim with us? Is it because you're too fat to wear a bathing suit?" Nice. I tell her I'd rather just watch them and make sure they're safe. Brooke says, "Are you mad you're so fat? I would be really mad if I was as fat as you." Mindful of wanting to model self-acceptance and a confident body image I lie to her and say, "No. I love my body." She, of course, goes on to try to explain all of the reasons why I shouldn't love my body. Among them: "You're not pretty like you used to be when you were a teenager." Well, duh.

I thought we had moved on but she brought it up again the next day. I was sitting at the computer (shocking) and she came up and asked me why I sit around too much. "You need to work out more." I agreed. She kept staring at me (looking a little bit too much like the little girl from The Ring.) "What?", I ask. "You need to work out." "I know." "Now." I could have pulled Mom rank and told her to knock it off, but the girl did have a point. So, I logged off the computer and hopped on the elliptical. For the first ten minutes Brooke jumped up and down clapping her hands like my little cheerleader. "Faster! Don't be lazy! Exercise more!" Then, she offered me a water break and told me that I have to start drinking more water.

Later, (hungry from my workout ;-) I was snacking on chips & salsa. She looked at me and shook her head putting her hands on her hips, "Mom! What are you doing eating that?" "What? Salsa is made from fruits & vegetables", I say sheepishly. "The chips are junk food.", she chastised me. "I'll only eat a couple." "they're deep fried and salty!", she said. By this point I was starting to feel a little impressed by her knowledge. "Where did you learn so much about health & fitness?", I ask her. "From that nutrition lady at school.", she said casually. Tax dollars at work, people.

So... I've been making an effort. I've been getting in a couple of hours of exercise a day and only eating foods with a low glycemic index. Not that I haven't tried all of this before, but I have a sneaking suspicion I might do better at it now that I have a pair of prying blue eyes following me around and holding me accountable. Now, if I could just get her to quit nagging me to wax my eyebrows and dye my hair! LOL What a girl.

Isn't It Just Glorious?

2008-08-13T16:25:00.001-07:00

I went for a drive this afternoon. I used to love to go for drives, but thanks to the current astronomical price of fuel I try to drive as little as possible now. I was taking Lane to an activity though and impulsively decided to take the long way home on the back roads. Let me just say... WOW! I need to get out and enjoy the scenery more often. Sitting here in my house doing the same thing day after day I forget how amazingly beautiful this area is. Driving along and just soaking in the sights was rather enjoyable. Now mind you, I had to try really hard to tune my kids out (the sound of children's screeching voices screaming at each other can really ruin an otherwise striking view.) Anyway... I felt inspired to put together a slide show of some of my favorite Pacific Northwest nature picture. Here it is:

I Love Words & Hate Numbers

2008-08-12T12:30:00.000-07:00

In case you haven't noticed, I LOVE words. The written word- books, poetry, song lyrics, quotes. The spoken word- have you ever tried to END a conversation with me? I could chat the ear off a deaf person. Walking through Target I see a wall plaque that simply says "Love Is Spoken Here" and I HAVE to have it. Dustin thinks my obsession with wanting to decorate the house with 14" x 6" pieces of wood with a few words on them is silly. Why would you pay money to look at words vs. hanging a painting or something? He argues. Words are just so beautiful to me though. One of my favorite parts of parenting is watching my kids' vocabularies emerge and then fostering a love of reading in them. I had more fun than they did when they were young enough to enjoy cutting words out of playdough with letter cookie cutters and I so miss practicing writing their names in a baking dish filled with salt... My fridge is covered with a couple hundred magnetic poetry magnets. I strategically stash books and magazines into visual places in each room of the house so that no matter where the kids go there is something for them to read, hoping that they will grow up so immersed in literacy that they will "magically" grow up to love words as much as I do.

Numbers, on the other hand, are cruel & ugly things. Case in point, we have a new scale in the bathroom. Have I dared step on it yet? Absolutely not! It's tempted me, silently calling my name from its place in the corner, "Aren't you curious? Don't you want to know?" I just know in the pit of my pudgy stomach that I'm not going to like that number though. I'm sure it's right up there with those other despised numbers: gas prices, Iraqi death toll, my stroke threatening blood pressure. See? Numbers are terrible things. Lane would disagree with me. When he was in first grade and Tatton was a very phonetic preschooler, Tatton was sounding out an easy reader book. Lane walked up and gave him some big brotherly advice, "Don't bother. The English language is so confusing. Just learn math. Math is about facts." Now, I see Lane's point. I do. All this I before E except after C stuff can be a little bewildering if you think about it. All you have to do is sit and watch an elementary school spelling bee to be reminded of how deceptive some words can be. I don't know... I just love them though, warts and all. Give me a journalism class over an accounting class any day. And all you number lovers out there- we're just going to have to agree to disagree.

Insomnia

2008-08-12T01:30:00.000-07:00

I have insomnia tonight. Is it a full moon, I wonder? I looked out the window & couldn't tell through the fog. I notice I tend to get insomnia when there's a full moon. Maybe it's just that I have anxiety. Although I don't know if anxiety is really the right word for it. I don't feel upset really. I just sense an excitement in the air. The reality of school being only 3 weeks away has struck and I'm making mental lists of what we need to do beforehand.

I can tell that the local teenagers are sensing the end of summer creeping up too. We've had a lot more craziness going on at the park. I've had to call the sheriff's department twice this week because their drag racing and loud base music at all hours of the night was getting out of hand. We've had a few minor vandelism type things too and I REALLY don't want to give anyone the opportunity to leave me a nasty mess to clean up if I can help it. I typically hold off on calling the sheriff's department if I can. I don't want to be the annoying lady who constantly calls & drives them crazy when they're already busy & I know that kids will be kids. More often than not all we have to do is just drive a vehicle towards them and they start driving off. Park caretakers coming makes teenagers flock out the exit gate like a herd of cattle. Kind of makes me wonder sometimes what exactly they were doing that was so terrible that they act so sheepish and feel the need to run. Obviously, I have some idea, but sheesh! If you know that what you are doing is bad enough that you don't want to get caught, maybe you should think twice about whether or not you REALLY want to do it?

It's still slightly disturbing to me to see so many people coming here to the park and acting the ways that they do though. I worry that the kids that are racing on the road will get in a wreck and that they're drinking & driving. I wish I could knock on the fogged up car windows and tell them to be careful - warn them that teenage pregnancy is hard for all involved. Even the middle aged people having affairs... What are they thinking? Why on earth would you not only risk hurting your loved ones and breaking up your family, but at a park? By a children's playground? Come on, people! You couldn't come up with a better location than that?

Anyway... just thinking (since I'm not sleeping.) I'm honestly not as frumpy and judgemental as I sound. I was a teenager myself just a decade ago, but it's been a LONG decade. Having 4 kids of my own makes me feel parental towards these teenagers running around town at 2 AM. It makes me fear for my kids (Lane's already turning 12 in 11 weeks for crying out loud!) There's not a lot to do in Elma. The other night when the sheriff's cars were pulling up outside I was shamelessly promoting "being on the good guy's side" to my kids who were all excitedly watching out the window. I kept telling them I feel bad having to call the police, but I just care too much about those kids out there and don't want them to get hurt making bad choices. I must have repeated 10 times, "Isn't it a good feeling to be on the good guy's side and to help protect those kids? Those officers are going to make sure they're safe." I don't know that my kids really got the message or not. For all I know they were probably thinking that I'm a big party pooper always ruining people's fun, but I'm HOPING that they get some idea from watching me call the police on strangers that these things are important and that I have no quelms about doing whatever it takes to protect them also.

Botox, Baby!

2008-08-11T14:07:00.000-07:00

So... my daughter apparently watches too much TV. How else can you explain what happened earlier? Her jaw & neck have been really bothering her from her surgery so I gave her some Tylenol in a syringe type measuring dispenser. What does she do with it? She comes up to me, frowns in concentration as she comes in to look at my brow wrinkle and sticks the syringe on to my wrinkle and squirts Tylenol on it. Clearly, I could have stopped her before she got me sticky with grape flavored acetaminophen. I was just fascinated as to what she was doing / thinking though. I asked her why she did that and she said, "You just needed a little Botox, Baby." LOL
Unfortunately, my wrinkle is still there. I am happy to still be able to move my face though. Gotta "express myself".

We finally went to the fair this weekend. I was bummed all week 'cause I felt like we were missing something huge. Between Brooke's surgery and Dustin's stomach flu we just weren't up to it. Finally, we loaded up the troops and made a day of it. In the rain. With Dustin's stomach still upset. And Brooke running a low grade fever. And me having a migraine and excruciatingly painful ovaries that make me feel nauseus. (Not that you NEEDED to know that.) What a bunch of grouchy people we were. I can't remember ever having this little fun at the fair. I'd like to think that the boys had fun though. I feel like this summer has been such a disappointment to them. I couldn't bear the thought of missing out on yet another tradition / memory. They simply had to pig out on greasy, sugary, salty food and go on rides until they were green. I just know that they're already going to be the kids that stare blankly and answerless when asked, "What did you do this summer?"

BTW, I'm loving FreecycleGraysharbor@yahoogroups.com You can find practically anything on there! For FREE! I'm shocked at some of the things people are giving away. I got a used computer system for the kids to play their cd-roms on so I can have my computer to myself. I found Brooke a bunkbed, although I need to go look at it before I know if I want it for sure. That's the only problem I've found is that since everything's used it isn't necessarily in perfect condition. But FREE! That's my kind of price.

Leave Your Name

2008-08-11T12:51:00.001-07:00

Leave your name here and...

1. I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll challenge you to try something.
3. I'll pick a color that I associate with you.
4. I'll tell you something that I like about you.
5. I'll tell you my first/clearest memory of you.
6. I'll ask you something I always wanted to ask you.

If you do this, you must do this in your blog. You don't have to.

I'll post the answers and such in this blog.

Cynics

2008-08-08T17:43:00.000-07:00

"Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist."
George Carlin

I'm not sure that I like that quote. Although, I do agree with it. My problem with it lies in the fact that if I'm being honest with myself I have to admit that I'm a complete idealist. My mind survives by walking down parallel alleys that only exist in Norman Rockwell paintings. I've been disappointed plenty though and I don't THINK I'm cynical. Atleast, I don't want to be a cynic.Sure, I don't expect much out of people anymore, but I tell myself that's because it's better to be pleasantly surprised when my low standards are surpassed. I tried having high standards before but it was exhausting always being frustrated when they couldn't be met. True, I'm at a loss when someone asks me who my hero is. I don't get what the big deal about heroes is anyway... What's the fascination with idolizing people? We're all human. Doesn't that somehow level the playing field? Seems to me all the big names are just a sex / steroid / drug scandal away from being unseated anyhow. But I'm not a cynic or anything. ;-)

The problem with idealism is simply that the root of the word is ideal and another meaning for ideal is perfect. I'm pretty sure perfection has to be some sort of curse. Nothing good can come of it. Just think about it. What makes us the strongest? Struggles. Overcoming the odds. Laughing in the face of adversity. With that in mind, who would ever want everything to be perfect? What a rip-off! Where do you go from there? At least when you hit rock bottom the only place to go is up. I'm assuming the only place to go is down when you reach the top?

I'll still always ooh and ahh over all things classicly ideal: white picket fences and rocking chairs on covered front porches, lemonade stands and tire swings, little girls running around in Easter dresses, and the smell of cookies baking for after school snack. I'll still never feel like a good enough parent if we don't keep traditions like going to the pumpkin farm and making smores on campouts. I'll always feel sad that the classic stereotypical family with both a mother and a father is now considered an old fashioned luxury and most of us eat food out of packages because we don't have the time or the skills to do it the way our grandparents did. My dream life is a sort of Pollyanna meets 1950's suburbia meets Little House On The Prairie wannabe existence. If I'm not an idealist then I don't know what else to call it...

I just don't like to think that somewhere between being a person who recognizes a certain way that they wish things could be and being a person who has lived enough to know that they can't always get their way you become a person who is jaded and negative. I'd like to think that the same attitude that makes a person want things to be good and ideal can help them overcome the urge to become a cynic. We can be idealists about our personalities too can't we?

"If we listened to our intellect, we'd never have a love affair. We'd never have a friendship. We'd never go into business, because we'd be cynical. Well, that's nonsense. You've got to jump off cliffs all the time and build your wings on the way down."
Ray Bradbury

Brooke's Surgery

2008-08-07T13:53:00.000-07:00

Brooke's surgery on Tuesday went well. She seems to have quite a bit of energy and she hasn't been in too much pain. The hardest part was just coming out of anesthesia. I think they kind of over medicated her. She had Tylenol w/ codeine and Valium when we first got admitted, then they gave her the regular gas mask (strawberry flavored) anesthetic, she responded badly to that and instead of going out she started flipping out, so they had to give her morphine and belted her down. She got really upset when she woke up so they gave her some percocet... To say the least, when she got to the recovery room she was really drowsy and confused. Her heart rate was erratic and her oxygen levels kept dipping too low. Her throat was irritated from the breathing tube and swelling, so she needed a breathing treatment with epinephrine.

While I was busy worrying about Brooke, poor Dustin got queasy and passed out without me noticing. He says he tried to tap my hand to warn me, but I was too concerned about Brooke's dipping oxygen levels. So, I'm not sure exactly how long he was out before I noticed. My hand brushed the side of his hand and I realized it was freezing and soaked. I looked over at him and his face was blue and his eyes were rolling. I tried to shake him and call his name, but he was OUT. I turned to the nurse and said, "I can't wake him up!" and she called Code. While all of the staff was basically running to our room, I acted on instinct and slapped Dustin across the face. (I still feel a LITTLE bad about that.) He, of course, came to and looked around at all the drama - completely unaware of what was going on. Brooke's anesthesiologist ran in saying, "Which patient is it?" When the nurse said, "Not the patient. The Dad." He looked at Dustin sitting there now wide awake and got the most hilarious look on his face (sort of a mix of amusement and disgust- like, "Are you kidding me?") They forced Dustin to lay on a stretcher while he waited for the medics to arrive. (It's hospital policy that you have to get a full work up when something like this happens, but they had to call in the fire department to do it since we were at a children's hospital.) He, of course, was a picture of health on paper with a beautiful EKG, perfect blood pressure and blood sugar levels. (Actually, I would LOVE to have those numbers. My blood pressure is almost double his.)

Two hours later, Dustin had gotten his "physical" and Brooke's medicine was starting to wear off. It was funny, she went from laying there talking nonsense to sitting up and asking for her popsicle just all of a sudden. Which was such a relief. I felt like we went from this major high stress crisis moment to everything being fine all at once & they were telling us we could go home. Yay! Considering that I had originally been told that we would probably be out of the hospital at 9:30 AM and here it was 1:00 PM, that felt like a big deal.

Brooke's surgery obviously didn't hurt her guilt tripping skills. She was quick to ask if we could stop at Blockbuster to rent a Dora movie (something she had declared herself too old for last month when she turned 6, but apparently Dora is her "comfort show"). We went into Blockbuster as requested and she loaded her arms up with several dvds. When she was told that we were planning on getting just one or two she said, "But my throat hurts REALLY bad. I deserve these." She also needed a trip to McDonald's for a milkshake and mcchicken sandwich. I wasn't sure if she could handle eating the sandwich yet, but she proved me wrong.

Since we got home she has been a trooper. She grimaces when taking her medicine, but doesn't fight it. The biggest issue we have encountered is that when she takes a drink it comes squirting out her nose. Apparently, her adenoids were always so big that she didn't ever learn to think about that when she swallowed. She CAN drink without having fluids come out of her nose now, but only if she makes a conscious effort to take small sips and swallow carefully. I'm hoping that after a little practice she'll do it that way every time without incident. I mean, the thought of her going through life with this problem seems rather terrible. Another issue that she's found is that she doesn't love her new sense of smell. Her nose has always been so stuffed up that she couldn't smell much. To suddenly be able to smell everything has been kind of overwhelming for her. She keeps gagging from all the nasty smells. I have to admit, it's kind of funny to see her going around the house gagging over smells and squirting drinks out her nose. Tatton had this same surgery but he never had these problems. I don't know if that's because he was only 2 years old vs. her 6 years old when he had his operation or if her adenoids were just bigger and therefore more noticeable when gone? Who knows?

Anyway... just thought I'd let ya'all know how her surgery went. Aside from everything I've just said, I think it was a success. She's already noticed that she's sleeping a lot better. The first morning she woke up and said, "Hey! I can tell I didn't snore last night 'cause I'm not tired!" Hopefully, now she can also notice a difference this winter and not miss as much school!

Unfortunately, Dustin came down with a really bad flu yesterday and so I technically have two patients (thank goodness Brooke is doing as well as she is or I would really be pulling my hair out.) As it is, I'm pretty tired from all of the demanding, whining, and grouchiness. Like I said, Brooke hasn't been TOO bad considering - so you know who I'm talking about. ;-)

FYI- my anxiety was premature and unnecessary

2008-08-04T17:18:00.001-07:00

So, you can ignore that last blog slash rant. Work was great. It was nice to be back actually. Dustin stopped by Big 5 and picked up cleats and shinguards & took care of the overflowing park garbage cans on his own (well, the boys helped and LOVED it. LOL BTW, that isn't sarcasm. They thought is was cool.) I managed to get caught up on the kitchen before I went to bed and did enough laundry to classify as good enough. I woke up this morning and realized my migraine was going away (Hallelujah!) A quick swing into the store on my way home from work stocked our freezer with the necessary popsicles and pain killer I needed for Brooke's surgery. I gave my mom a happy birthday phone call from work which she was happy with. My kids are currently wolfing down sandwiches for dinner and off to soccer we go.... Painless. My anxiety was a waste. Sounded worse in my head than it turned out to be as usual. Just thought I'd let you all know that I'm just a big whiner. :-)

Jekyl & Hyde

2008-08-03T21:17:00.000-07:00

I wish I could just make up my mind already. First, I was ready for school to end. Now, I can't wait for it to start. Then, I was excited to not work this summer 'til I got "summer cabin fever". A condition brought on by repetitive and monotonous housework and childcare. Going to work's been sounding pretty good. So, I get a call last week asking if I can work and of course I say, "Sure!" Now, here I sit at the computer on the eve of my day back to work and I have knots in my stomach. This weekend of having a garage sale, 4 children who think casting fishing poles indoors is acceptable, and church stuff has done a number on my poor house. I feel guilty leaving it like this and getting caught up on it in time is impossible. Not to mention, tomorrow night is soccer for all 4 kids and we still have two kids who need me to go get them cleats and shin guards. There was a triathlon here at the park today which means all of the garbage cans are practically overflowing. Brooke has surgery in Tacoma early Tuesday morning. I'm sure a freezer full of Popsicles and some clean laundry would be helpful. Tomorrow is my Mom's birthday. Oh yeah, and I've had an ever increasing migraine since Friday night. What was I thinking? No is an easy little two letter, one syllable word. Oh well... how bad can a simple 8:00 - 4:30 shift be? Other people do it all the time. It's just so hard to force myself to do it when I haven't had to. I think I can hear the clock ticking a countdown. tick-tick-tick... Arghh!!!

Life Ain't Always Beautiful But It's A Beautiful Life

2008-08-02T22:39:00.001-07:00

What Did I Do Without Them?

2008-08-02T13:40:00.000-07:00

So, I'm currently having a garage sale. I've been having so much fun watching Tatton be a salesman, which inspired me to jot down a few things about each of the kids' unique personalities. Going by birth order:

Lane- is such a great big brother (a job he takes very seriously.) He is also an incredibly creative young man (I started to type kid, but he has become more of a young man, I must admit.) He loves writing science / fantasy fiction stories and drawing. His passion is video games and the computer. We have to force him to unplug himself from technology. He says that he wants to make video games when he grows up. One of my favorite things about Lane is that he has a really good sense of right and wrong & I enjoy having conversations with him as he can discuss issues very maturely for his age. Sometimes he has a hard time understanding why adults have such a hard time making good choices when everything is so black and white to him. With that in mind, he has been very interested in politics this election year and has some interesting opinions regarding the candidates and their respective parties. Lane has Obcessive Compulsive Disorder and Tourette's (which I hesitate to include since I hate to use a medical condition as part of my definition of him) but it really is such a huge part of his life that I think it's worth mentioning. I think that it has been a blessing for him in a lot of ways despite the difficulties. For starters, he is very caring and is always the first one to sympathize with people since he understands what it's like to struggle. Quite often, I have jumped to conclusions about people or been judgemental and Lane has reminded me to be kinder and more understanding. He is also really health concious and it's important to him that I keep lots of fruits & veggies in the house. If I make less healthy foods too often I can expect to be nagged. I know Lane doesn't like being the oldest child, but I think he is the perfect first child since he is such a fantastic example for his siblings and his naturally cautious personality makes him so great at watching out for them. I think we're all so blessed to have Lane.

Tatton- is one of those guys who always has something to say and has an opinion on everything. I can't figure out whether he's right brained or left brained considering that he's both incredibly verbal and literate & great with numbers. He is fantastic at money management and when we go to the store he adds up the cost of everything in his head and can always tell you how much it's going to cost right down to the tax. He likes to be frugal and loves a good deal, which is hard for him to come by considering that he thinks almost everything is unnecessary. He keeps telling me that he doesn't want me to waste so much money on clothes & toys, etc. for him. The one thing that he does like me to spend money on is books. He LOVES collecting books and has been reading at least one thick chapter book a day during summer break. Tatton has a tendency to be lazy. He can't stand to let his mind rest, but he demands a lot of rest for his body. He has several things that he wants to be when he grows up, but none of them involve too much manual labor. Right now he's gravitating between being a lawyer, a chef, and a professor. Surprisingly, as much as Tatton loves to read, he HATES writing. So, I'm always trying to find ways to make him learn to enjoy it more (writing's a big part of the 4th grade WASL after all.) I'm so thankful to get to see the world through Tatton's eyes as he makes everything more animated & interesting for all of us.

Russell- has an iron will. Once he is determined to do something nothing will stop him. He enjoys nothing more than working hard & is a perfectionist who prides himself on a job well done. Russell is really athletic and throws a mean spiral. He would probably be even better at sports if the poor kid could see. He wears some pretty thick glasses. Right now we're anxiously awaiting his replacement pair to come in as he's broken his other pairs (again.) I forget how bad his sight really is until times like this when he doesn't have his glasses. Yesterday, we went to Walmart and there were these ladies with two toddlers on those leash things. He asked why there were dogs in the store. I told him that they were kids and he squinted his eyes up and shook his head, "NO. Those are dogs, Mom." Cracks me up. Poor blind kid. Russell wants to work with his dad when he grows up. He loves the heavy equipment more than any of our other kids and enjoys riding along on deliveries in the low-boy. Probably 'cause he thinks it's "manly". Russell loves all things macho. When he was 3 he was watching Bambi and he announced that he wanted to go hunting. He doesn't love living at the park, because to him it's a deterrent to us living where he really wants to live- a farm. Probably such a mom thing to say, but I think Russell is just an all around good, easy to raise kid and I appreciate his good attitude & hope he stays this awesome forever.

Brooke- Last but not least is our princess. Not unlike the Princess & The Pea she is one extremely sensitive girl. She refuses to wear anything that isn't comfortable which means almost everything in her wardrobe is 100% cotton and stretchy and tagless (sweat pants and t-shirt dresses are her faves.) She prefers to keep her hair bobbed just below her chin because it's easier that way and she loves Junie B. Jones books. She gets eczema and a stuffy nose when she has dairy products, but she begs for macaroni & cheese and cheetos. Brooke has the luxury of having nice big brothers who indulge her bossiness and she pretty much rules the roost and dictates which games they play. She is also the type of girl who gets attached very quickly and loves very deeply. She draws pictures of herself with her friends and family & writes "I love you so much" and "best friends forever" on them. She cried for 2 weeks before the end of school and 2 more weeks after it ended because she loved Mrs. Stein so much and didn't want her kindergarten year to come to a close. Brooke doesn't like things that are TOO girly. She's not a total tomboy, but I think when you have 3 big brothers you learn to be cautious about choosing pink over blue. She strikes a balance by doing things like wearing her earrings but making sure she has her hair covering them so she's not "too cute" and playing games like house but having a cool career like being a secret agent or firefighter on the game. She brings her baby dolls to me and says, "Mom? Can you babysit? I have to go fight the bad guys."

Well, that's a little bit about my kids. Most of you know all this already, but I figured I would write it all down for posterity's sake since I'm sure they won't be like this forever.

Excedrin, Take Me Away...

2008-07-31T20:27:00.000-07:00

It is 47 degrees outside and raining on this lovely July day. Tatton has started a new game to deal with this unfortunate weather. He is utterly butchering every song he can think of and encouraging his siblings to scream off-key mutilated lyrics as well. Some noteworthy lines:

"Cowboy- take me away- buffalo don't care what I say-"

"R-E-S-P-E-C-T! Makes me all tingly!"

"Who say? Who say? I can't be Superman? I say, I say, I'll fly if I say I can!"

"I am Iron Man! I am not aluminum!"

"Warden threw a party at the county jail! Show & tell makes me want to yell!"

"Carry on my way, my son! Carry me until I'm done..."

"I'm every woman- it's all in me.... grown local naturally-"

"Oh, Baby, Baby- How was I supposed to know? Don't hit me, Baby, 'til I shine!"

It's WAY more funny (although headache inducing) in person. Kinda one of those you had to be there sorta things.

Ahhh- sweet accomplishment

2008-07-31T19:00:00.000-07:00

So, I am so proud to say that I actually got a lot done today. I mean, stuff that shows & that counts for something. Case in point: my car is clean. Shocking, sweet victory. I was so excited when I accomplished that this morning that I was trying to come up with an excuse to go through random drive-thrus. Bank? Fast food? Hmmm.... where can I show this off? It still has a vague smell like penicillin so I definitely need to shampoo it, but it is sparkly. :-) The sad thing is that my kids are super excited about this. What kind of mother has her kids nagging her to clean the car? My poor children! Tatton kept reminding me how much damage something as small as a tissue box can do when projectile. (Darn Myth Busters!) "Mommmm- All this clutter is SO dangerous. What's gonna happen to us if you slam on the brakes with these books in the car?" Yes, son....

We sold Brooke's slide bed tonight and so I've been deep cleaning her room to prepare for her "more mature makeover". That's what she is calling it. She was throwing a royal fit about selling her bed, although she never used it and it took up so much space that we couldn't fit much else in there. I told her that we needed to sell it to make room for a new big girl room now that she is 6 and "so mature." (Hey, she fell for it.) I think I've created a monster though, because now she's all into surfing the web for new bedding & stuff. We found out Pottery Barn has an interactive build-a-bed option and she's spent hours trying to figure out which sheets compliment her favorite quilts. Which by the way... I think are ugly. Can you believe my daughter is only six and we're already butting heads over our conflicting tastes? It kind of cracks me up.

And in other news.... Brooke's surgery is Tuesday. I'm actually really excited for it. I'm sure she'll feel (and look) so much better. I'm glad that Kyla talked me into calling a different doctor & that he was able to get her in so much sooner. Her original appointment just for the initial consultation wasn't until August 21st and here she is able to get the surgery done on August 5th (at a better hospital I might add.) Hopefully she comes through it as well as we expect since the fair starts the next day and I'd really hate to miss it... Only downfall of this new surgery date.

Lane's soccer has started already. I'm so mean. I think it's hilarious that his coach has them practicing so hard. Lane tried to tell me that he couldn't go to practice tonight because his legs were still too sore from yesterday's two hours of drills. The more he whined the more excited I was to send him out there to run his butt off. I promised him a protein shake when he gets home to help his sore muscles get buff. LOL He doesn't realize it's WAY better than the military school I've been threatening them. ;-)

Back To School Fever

2008-07-27T19:19:00.000-07:00

I am officially ready for fall. I LOVE fall. The other day I was walking over to clean the park bathrooms and the air had a certain cold, crisp smell that reminded me of back to school excitement and trips to the pumpkin farm. I felt a brief moment of happiness. Moments of happiness have been few and far between lately. I strongly believe that happiness is a choice, but apparently lately I haven't had the will power to choose that particular mindset. I feel like this summer break has gone on forever (all 6 weeks of it- only 5 more to go! LOL)

I'm drawn to the bins of glue sticks and crayons lining the crowded aisles at Walmart. I keep fantasizing about dressing my kiddos up and taking their pictures as they trod off to their first day of school. Sounds like HEAVEN! Which is so funny. I was way more excited for summer break than they were back in June. I must have short term memory loss. How had I forgotten the way my crew has the ability to turn my house into a science lab? They don't handle boredom well and let's just say the ways they entertain themselves aren't always contructive. Basically, at this point in our life someone is always bored no matter how hard I try to keep them busy. My kids have such different personalities and interests that you really can't please everyone at the same time. I feel like that crazy tour guide with a nervous eye twitch that talks too fast and snaps at the tourists who innocently ask questions. Maybe I should move to France where it's socially acceptable to be snotty to people. Bonus- I wouldn't have to shave!

Anyway.... back from my mental vacation... I simply miss liking summer. I miss being young and carefree, not noticing how sticky popsicles and lemonade make kitchen floors, being able to eat cotton candy and snowcones without feeling guilty about calories.... ahhh- those were the days. Now, I need to invest in some ear plugs to soften the deafening whines and tattling and I desperately wish that tall grass and dandelions would become a hot new trend in lawn care.
I think my biggest motivator for my fall fantasies is this sneaking suspicion that once my kids are in school I'll have a "partner" in the form of the school system. Not to be one of those parents that expects the school to basically raise their kids, but this summer I've been dutifully encouraging reading and trying to sneak math games into our daily lives and well... I'm burnt out. If I never see another multiplication table that's fine by me. I feel so frumpy and boring.... dentist appointments, making sure people get enough veggies and dairy, the repetitive head counts to make sure I haven't lost anybody.... it gets to ya, you know? The other day it occured to me that in September they will have a whole staff of people who will be making sure they're safe and educated and it nearly brought tears of joy to my eyes. Hallelujah for school lunches! To think that I can send my kids off to school with a good breakfast in their bellies and not have to use my kitchen until after school! If my kitchen could smile I'm sure it would.

Maybe if I weren't such a spazz about parenting it would be different. I know there are mothers out there who don't have anxiety attacks about reading levels. Oh- to be one of them... When my kids were little (5, 3, 1, and newborn) I had this same feeling that I have now. Desperation. Panic. Exhaustion. I just thought it would go away. I spent that crazy toddler years part of my life telling my self "this too shall pass- this too shall pass" and honestly, it did. My kids don't lodge random objects up their noses anymore. It's been years since we've had to snake a toilet to retrieve legos and hot wheels cars. Heck, they can even help out around the house now. What am I whining about?

I hear you never stop worrying about your kids though. I suppose maybe my excitement for fall is just a way of breaking this enormous job up into manageable chunks. Come to think of it, taking parenting one season at a time is an improvement on my old one day at a time philosophy. I guess things are getting better! For now, I'm gonna keep reading the Sunday paper's back to school coupons for encouragement. A good price on erasers should buy me one of those brief moments of happiness.

My Children Want To Change the World One Toothbrush At a Time

2008-06-23T08:28:00.000-07:00

Okay, I now know that my children are officially mine. Sure, I remember the morning sickness and labor. I see that Tatton has my teeth and Russell has my eyes. The stamp that sealed the deal though was when they came together to create a "forum" to get rid of toothpaste in our household. Now, I know that children all over America are probably lobbying right now to skip the brushing part of their day. My kids don't want to stop brushing their teeth though. They simply want to make an informed decision to switch to baking soda.

As Tatton puts it, "Toothpaste has so many chemicals in it that it should be illegal and we're putting it in our MOUTHS!" Cracks me up. He really thought this through too, considering that he pointed out that we have a prescription for fluoride from the dentist so they wouldn't be missing out on flouride by skipping toothpaste altogether. He told me that baking soda is cheaper and that the box that the baking soda comes in is more enviromentally friendly than the toothpaste tubes. I totally agreed with all of this.

I had to mention one small detail though: baking soda doesn't taste so good. His response? "We can deal with it." And they have. They've been brushing their teeth more now than they did when we were using their kid-friendly bubble mint concoction. (New things are always more fun no matter how nasty they taste, I guess.) The one problem that Tatton has found is that he now feels the need to be the "spitting" police and watches his younger siblings like a hawk to make sure they don't swallow too much baking soda. He's worried about their sodium levels. Yep, these eccentric, paranoid, clutzy but with a brain full of trivia children are officially mine.

Hero Support

2008-06-22T20:00:00.000-07:00

I have to say something slightly controversial. Personally, I don't see WHY it should be controversial as it only effects my little world. The funny thing about statements like this though is that when you say them, the responses you get are a mix of shock and incredulous disagreement like everyone is sure you can't be serious or maybe you need a straight jacket.

Here goes: I know my purpose in life and it's not to be a superwoman but simply to be Hero Support. There. I said it.

It seems like there's this pressure from all directions for everyone to be so goal oriented and successful and that's wonderful to an extent. Let's not forget the whole everything in moderation thing though. You see, the reality, folks... is that we can't ALL be superheroes. The reason for that is that superheroes wouldn't be able to do everything they do without their trusty sidekick. They would be utterly lost! At the risk of sounding conceited, I'm going to admit that I believe I have the tools to be a superhero. I just choose not to employ them full time because I'd rather be happy. Nothing makes me as happy as being the one behind the scenes making sure my heroes have what they need to succeed. I'm not at peace otherwise.

I started thinking about this yesterday afternoon when I was hanging a series of pictures I had taken of various nature scenes in the Pacific Northwest. I was telling my kids how cool it was the way that everything in nature has an order and purpose. I have a photo from Lake Quinault that illustrates how the elk maintain the openness of the rainforest by browsing out brush and saplings, which in turn encourages the growth of herbaceous ground cover such as oxalis and violets (the pretty stuff.) The old dead trees are aging gracefully as new life in the form of saplings and ferns are springing from them. In general, the abundance of dead wood and the complex structure of the forest canopy create an enormous number of ecological niches for animals and birds. I'm in awe of the Sitka spruce. Do you realize that it only grows within 20 miles of the ocean because the fog that rolls in off the Pacific is critical since it can't control the amount of water that it loses to transpiration itself? Sure, you could probably go the rest of your life without knowing any of that and be okay. I think it's amzing though. EVERYTHING has a purpose.

There are lots of things that I'm good at, lots of hats that I could wear in this life. I don't think that any of them have ever felt as RIGHT as when I'm serving in my roles as mom and wife. I'm TIRED of people starting conversations off with "What do you do?" Even when I tell them what I do at my actual "Job" I don't feel like I've told them anything about me. When I try to explain that I feel like I was born to raise kids I typically hear, "But what do you do to feel fulfilled?" "What about you? Don't you take care of yourself?" Of course, I do. It's just that when I go out and try to accompish some big thing that I can point to and say, "I did that!" I don't really feel like I've done anything to be proud of. It's an empty sense of faux-satisfaction.

I honestly believe that no matter what career path I went down or what amount of money or fame I got along the way, nothing could ever make me feel so complete as making my kids their favorite snack while they tell me about their day or rubbing my husbands shoulders when he's exhausted from the weight of the world. I think the reason Heavenly Father put me on this earth isn't to be a superhero but to do all the little day to day tasks so that someone whose life I touch can do what they need to do. Like the decaying tree in the forest, I think I'm aging gracefully and continually contributing so the circle of life can go on and really... that's all I ever need.